Once Upon ATime

[Night Closet]

[In the night it was
For something I was searching
Or may I say for some one
After falling there's nothing to lose
Even the night's lights
Or the tears of my sun

My broken heart wished to faint
'Does it mean I'm done?'
'Does it lead to my end?'
I saw the happiness dress
I ran to see how much it costs
I stood before it
Seeing memories which can't be lost

"O, here you are my dream"
From behind, it was a sound
"Please just hear me,
Don't argue, nor turn around"

I remembered that voice
Which I heard once before
These words, this tone
Which I can't ignore

"I were your charming prince,
You were my destiny,
You promised to be mine,
Be mine for eternity,

I'm the word you said
"it's my pleasure to say"
In winter, I'm your warm feelings
I'm the air you dreamt to breathe in one day
I'm the knight of all your dreams
You’re still my dream
Which I couldn't have
I'll break your fears
With me you are safe"

Then, my tears blew up
Melting as the hell lotion
He begged "stop,
Your tears make the ocean,
Here I'm down on my knees
For god’s sake, hear me please"

I implored him to stop
As I couldn’t hear any more
He continued "please I'm not done
Don't close your doors,

You stay in my heart
Your love runs in my veins
Your memories surrounded me
I'm captured in you fence"


Then, I knew he's my victory
Which I spent my life wishing for
He can bring joy, happiness, mercy
Or I can wish for more
I tried to interrupt him
But he touched me with his words
Those, he spoke in accent of only lords

"I came with a poem
One real love song
Jerusalem, I came to end the night
This, remained so long,

Wear your wedding dress
Put on your veil
I'm the colour of your sand
Am not for sale

My heart is your bed
To sleep and rest well
My eyes is your sun
Shine as hell

No use of complaining
There will be no more blame
It's here again
The courage of your male"

In this moment I knew
That I'll breathe the feast again
I caught his hands and walked with him
To the morning gleam

[Night Closet]

hay the night closet .........i fell this poem is very good:):):)

the night closet

[ampoule]

I am not a good critic but I must tell you there are many beautiful lines here that I must study.

[Night Closet]

ok good friend i 'll wait till you find what to say to my poem

[Pendragon]

It's good, beautiful in places. Here's one place that I wonder if you really want this imagery in this poem:



My heart is your bed
To sleep and rest well
My eyes is your sun
Shine as hell


Hell could burn, blaze, blind, sear the eyeballs, but I couldn't see it as "shining". Hell when being used as a comparision is almost always a negitive comparison. Might I suggest another image. In Norse Mythology, there is Mimir's Well, which glows with wisdom, Odin himself traded one of his eyes for a drink from that well. You could change the verse to "Shine as Mimir's Well"

Good Luck, fair poet. There remain days yet to enter the picture poetry contest. The idea is to poetically interpet this picture: http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Books--1.jpg

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[stephofthenight]

your poem is beautifull, smooth, and so tangiable, you can just soak your words up into a seprate soul... its amazing and a breath of fresh air. simply amazing
steph

[Night Closet]

Thank you all about your knid words for my poem .....as for the image "hell" in fact i know that it's always witha a negative meaning but actually i meant to say that these eyes will be shining with the full power of hell......it's powrful...do you read me

[Nossa]

I liked the poem very much...as I can recall I told you about the image of Hell before, when you first showed me the poem!
It's so beautiful anyhows...can't wait to see the rest of your works.

[Night Closet]

Thanks Nossa ,i'm already happy that you liked it and i know you undersatnd why i chose Hell to do it ........it needs power ....thank you again