Depressive stuff ;)

[Koa]

As we were talking of self-destructive stuff, following Kendall's wave... ;)


The blood flows
I feel
the warm shiver of self-destruction
the scarlet scream
of my tormented heart
the victory of Desperation
the gruesome laughter of Death
who will dance in triumph
on the debris of my soul;
I feel
life flowing slowly
outside of me

9th June 1999
(translated 15th May 2004)

[amuse]

Originally posted by Koa

... warm shiver of self-destruction
the scarlet scream
of my tormented heart
love "warm shiver" of the very poignant "self-destruction."
"scarlet scream" is brilliant. makes me want to cry...and you needed help for "Red"???

...dance in triumph
on the debris of my soul;
oh, god, that's so sad. :( and so well put. i think i am tearing up here.

I feel
life flowing slowly
outside of me

9th June 1999
(translated 15th May 2004)
****. (wrote that in caps, by the way.)
i can almost feel and see it (life) leaving.


KWEW! (my best imitation of an actual whistle.)

flat, indisputable statement: Koa, that is beyond excellent.
thank you for translating, hon...i am going to find tissue now.

[emily655321]

I'm impressed by how well it flows in translation, Koa. :) Did you have to change some words around, or could you translate it literally? I'd be interested to read the original, to hear the sound of it.

Regardless, Brava. :)

[Koa]

really??? i didnt' find it impressive... :) glad you liked... I'd pass a tissue but I had a bad day and used them all :D ;)

i was positively surprised about 'scarlet scream', that sounds better in English, i had never thought about it.

I was going to post the original but then erased it, i thought noone was interested...;) I'm not going to get my notebook now cos family's around, I'll re-translate it (I trust myself to remember the exact words :D)


Il sangue scorre
sento
il brivido caldo dell'autodistruzione
l'urlo scarlatto
del mio cuore tormentato
la vittoria della Disperazione
la macabra risata della Morte
che danzerà trionfante
sulle macerie della mia anima;
sento
la vita scorrere lentamente
fuori da me

[Koa]

Oh btw... I always translate as literally as i can, often sacrificing rhythm...if there's any.

I actually feel there's something missing, in the original as well... something between the line of desperation and death... uhm well, not going to edit something so old...

[amuse]

rather than saying how much i love every single syllable in the original (which i do, it's sooo buttery, i keep reading it out loud), i really like these:

la macabra risata della Mortela
mm. love the sound here; macabra/macabre is just a beautiful and gruesome word.
fuori da me
love this. and just happen to be listening to opera so it seems extra, extra tragic. *sighs happily.

btw, re: your day, if i could pass you a tissue i would.

[emily655321]

I love the word "l'autodistruzione." And the phrase "mia anima." That's so cool. :D Maybe it's just boredom with my own language, but Italian seems like dancing with the words. It's so hard to make poetry flow well in English, especially when spoken. English makes your tongue feel heavy.

Thank you, Koa! :D

[WX6[ck]]

I don't speak Italien so I'll take it that the poem is great, but the translation is excellent. I lack the verbal skills to actually say why I like it so much, so sorry there. And btw emily, try making a poem in danish. It's like trying to recite a dickens quote while being hung by the neck.

[emily655321]

LMAO :D

I know tiny bits and peaces of Italian, Spanish, Latin, and that combined with knowing French, English, and Koa's translation, I found I was actually able to understand most of it without referring to the English. Which surprised me. But I'm always delighted to understand something in a different language -- it gives the original idea so much more dimension and meaning, to see it from the writer's point of view. Yay :)

[Koa]

Originally posted by emily655321
I love the word "l'autodistruzione." And the phrase "mia anima." That's so cool. :D Maybe it's just boredom with my own language, but Italian seems like dancing with the words. It's so hard to make poetry flow well in English, especially when spoken. English makes your tongue feel heavy.

Thank you, Koa! :D

Nah, English is much more flowing. Really. In English you can say in 2 words what in other languages you say in 10 words. It's so much quicker, sometimes even more effective...

Yesterday while looking at it I was thinking at the line before the last one:
life flowing slowly
VS
la vita scorrere lentamente

--> see? the Italian is much longer...in this case i prefer it cos it slows the thing down and I like the effect, while the English is too quick and almost more dry... But there are cases when it's frustrating to try to fit an Italian line cos it can totally screw the rhythm, and if I dont want to change words nor to split it, I do f**k the rhythm... While in English it's a less frequent problem, you can arrange the pieces with more freedom somehow... Even if it has maybe less freedom in grammar sometimes.