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dibyendra
07-07-2007, 01:51 AM
This is my first poem in this forum. I'm not a poet but I write poems as a hobby. I would love to hear suggestions for this poem.

Nation On The Grave

Nepal, always staggering under debt
lagging far behind, lined up in poverty line
country's economy in pitiful condition
mostly hindered by terror and tension

millions of starving and frightened faces
without basic necessities, still live in the dark age
deprived areas, people in down and out situation
crying for mercy over their pathetic condition

corruption everywhere rooted down in society
everyplace in these days is rife with bribery
from officers to leaders, they lost their morality
they rather amass the wealth themselves in reality

no hope for opportunities and lack of employment
nation's youth migrating toward alien nation
hand-to-mouth situation for most of the people
pipe distance for their health and education

104 years of Rana's autocracy and brutality
liberation of country on 2007 B.S. after a century
neither country prospered during the Shah dynasty
nor after the decades from 2046 B.S. democracy

decade and more of people's war, thousands lives lost
and even more severely disabled in the aftermath of the war
thousands women widowed and children orphaned
although war settled, history moans for what have happened

political chaos worsening day by day affecting whole nation
daily life often obstructed with strikes and violence
conspiracies everywhere for the power to reign again
fight for human rights but why fight merely on race, culture and religion ?

dibyendra
07-07-2007, 01:56 AM
I would love to hear comments for my first poem in this thread.

Adolescent09
07-07-2007, 02:11 AM
I'm not trying to impersonate the respective mods and administrators of this forum but I believe this poetry is more appropriately in tune with the sub-category, Personal Poetry. Perhaps you should scroll down the page and repost your work in that section to give it attention?

dibyendra
07-07-2007, 07:51 AM
Sorry, I didn't notice that there were sub-categories. I'll definitely post again in personal poetry section.

Logos
07-07-2007, 08:03 AM
It's no problem dibyendra, I moved it for you :) If you are going to post more than one poem a day, please read this:

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21394

dibyendra
07-07-2007, 08:22 AM
It's no problem dibyendra, I moved it for you :) If you are going to post more than one poem a day, please read this:

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21394

Thanks ! I respect that.