My first attempt at a Villanelle (It's pretty hard)

[Adolescent09]

Sweet Rill of Shining Wonder: Human Occupation of the Forest Lands

Poor sweet rill of shining wonder!
conveyed through a clouded recede
Every life is dying in the mirror that it sees

It sees the stump of an oak tree now asunder,
It sees enslaved what was once so free
Poor sweet rill of shining wonder!

A rampant tractor roams the hill yonder!
It thought it felt the quake of a wild beast impede,
Every heart is stopping in the mirror that it sees.

Now it hears the fall of lumber
Reflecting naught of the forest creed
Poor sweet rill of shining wonder!

Sad are its ripples encumbered
to see the last of a wrotten Yew seed,
Every root is drying in the mirror that it sees

Abject it is by human blunder,
to see the first of a man-made bead,
Poor sweet rill of shining wonder
Every life is dying in the mirror that it sees


Adol09

[Debrasue]

Hey Adol...Yes...a villanelle is hard....I've tried it myself ...but you have done exceptionally well for your first go at it...very 'lyrical' and I like the pace...this style is one of my favorites...nice poem!

[Adolescent09]

Thanks debra. I was prepared to delete the poem because I thought no one would reply. Well at least you did.. and one is more than enough.

[Debrasue]

Adol...I would have been deprived of something beautiful and inspiring...you never know what fruit will grow...from the seeds you sow... behind you...

Forgive me if I outrageously panegyrize...
the aspiring Poets in you guys...
but who knows...an engaging dialogue might materialize...
to help us better Villanelle-ize?
Ooopps...I know....that's bad!

[symphony]

i LOVE poems that flow so well.
thank goodness Debrasue replied before u could delete it, Adol!! i would hv been deprived of the pleasure otherwise.
The first stanza is marvelous. :)
Didnt quite understand this line though:
"It sees re-enslaved what was once set free"

Anyway, very well done, it's fab :) .

[Adolescent09]

Thanks symphony. Perhaps this clarifies the meaning of that line you misgivings about: 'It sees enslaved what was once so free'

[symphony]

i hv no probs with the language of the line, adol, i was wondering what u had in mind while writing that line. :)


edit: damn i've been so dumb!! never mind!!

[Adolescent09]

panegyrize

Did you actually know that word or did you look it up in a thesaurus? I've tried searching the definition of the term and my efforts have been futile. What does it mean?

[Debrasue]

Did you actually know that word or did you look it up in a thesaurus? I've tried searching the definition of the term and my efforts have been futile. What does it mean?Adol...it's one of my favorite words...I've been using it for years...especially to describe myself...a 'cheerleader' of sorts...no real 'talent' of my own! According to my 1941 Webster's (my favorite non-fiction book)....
Panegyrize ~To praise or commend highly.
Panegyric~ovation or encomium... praise, eulogy.
In Greek mythology, Pan was the chief god of pastures,forests,and flocks...son of Hermes & Zeus. He's almost always pictured with a lyre...singing the praises of nature & country life. My poems are usually of the 'lyric' emotional kind... I thought the word fit perfectly with your poem!
My vocabulary was once very extensive, obscure & 'out dated' words were once my passion..... I have forgotten quite a bit from lack of use...

[Adolescent09]

Wow and I thought I had a pedantic vocabulary packed with circumlocutious and esoteric words! LOL. I've got nothing on you! Thanks for enlightening me :)

[Debrasue]

Ha, ha, ha!....Circumlocutious!Now I did have to use my dictionary!!! You rock!

[symphony]

wow... knew about Pan before, but "panegyrize" is certainly foreign to me.
a new word in my fragile vocabulary :D thanks so much!

[Pendragon]

It's a good poem, and poetic licence on villanelle form, not true villanelle. But dang, it's good!

In villanelle line one and three should rhyme, and repeat through the poem. The middle lines all rhyme with each other. As I said, poetic licence is allowed with any form, and that makes yours unique and wonderful. I wouldn't change a blasted thing. It's terrific! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Angelstar.gif
I post this example, not that it is better than your poem, yours is wonderful! but to show how a villanelle sets up:

POE

The waves wash upon some forgotten shore,
The wind sighs softly among the gnarled trees.
Somewhere a dark bird croaks “Nevermore,”

From his perch upon a bust of Pallas above the chamber door.
The dark clouds split and the heavens bleed.
The waves wash upon some forgotten shore,

As a wild-eyed man searches for his lost Lenore,
Calling out; desperately expressing his needs!
Somewhere a dark bird croaks “Nevermore,”

In tones of Doom as the man implores
The Unforgiving Heavens to return his dreams.
The waves wash upon some forgotten shore,

The beach where she’d played in the days of yore—
He turns to the bottle, trying to drown his needs.
Somewhere a dark bird croaks “Nevermore,”

And the echoes echo the name “Lenore…”
He traces her name on the tombstone as he reads.
The waves wash upon some forgotten shore,
And somewhere a dark bird croaks “Nevermore.”

© 10/6/97 D L Harris

'Dole you are a rising star that is shining brightly. By the time you are my age, you will probably be Poet Laureate! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Angelstar.gif