The Greatest Depth of A Stolen Lock

[Adolescent09]

In June I felt a linger string a bleated
tone on the chord of my unlocked breast. How found
she the key that instilled my purely
vacant drawer with hate
not able to fill the blue
on a lateral compass
faced east
marked west?

What love
could turn
a stone to heart,
then imbue in it spite, spew its scarlet,
reap it oblique to a marrow-less bone
and bed it so steep that
Miscellaneous is it’s new owner?

[Pendragon]

I like this 'Dole, but one question: you have this:


In June I felt a linger string a bleated
tone on the chord of my unlocked breast. How found
she the key that instilled my purely
vacant drawer with hate
not able to fill the blue
on a lateral compass
faced east
marked west?

What love
could turn
a stone to heart,
then imbue in it spite, spew its scarlet,
reap it oblique to a marrow-less bone
and bed it so steep that
Miscellaneous is it’s new owner?


Did you happen to mean in the first line:
In June I felt a bleated string linger

The rest sounds fine. I think the words were just out of order in the first line.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[Adolescent09]

Holy crap I didn't even realize someone had replied to this topic. Hello Pen and thanks for your appreciation. Actually I did mean to write 'In June I felt a linger string a bleated' but I agree that ' In June I felt a bleated string linger' along with a few other nuances for proper continuation might make the poem sound better. Thanks for posting.

[andave_ya]

yeah, I read the poem too and got cross-eyed over the first line, :lol:. I like the style of the piece. Kind of sparse while talking about something that usually has people gushing. :D