lYRICS

[Bakiryu]

Some of my lyrics, please tell me what you think!


The Singer

With the thrum of this guitar
Let me feel the music
The rythm that makes my figners bleed
Pushing against the world
While everyone else sleeps

With this dry, cracked throat
Let me sing the emotions
That make my song swirl
Into unending coughts
Tearing apart my lungs

Standing on the stage
Hiding beneath a mask of wrath
Shall the world tremble
Ripping me appart?

I want to be:
The singer
On your mind

This pain
and my love of music
are all pieces
of my dream


She's small
Slight
A sparrow
Chest so tight in convulting coughts

She's the singer of the ages
With her fingers full of blood

With that pale smile
The raspy black guitar
If she one more song
One to end it all

She's the singer of the ages
With her voice so soft

fading into wisps of music
Let the rythm pour OUT!

and if you want, post yours!

[Niamh]

interesting! I'm going to guess it would go with a rock composition.

[Bakiryu]

Probably, I was just reading some poems by X and it inspired me to write somethign about music *blush*

[Niamh]

maybe throw in a bit of a chorus or something. I'm sure X will be proud of inspiring you!

[Bakiryu]

I have other songs I wrote two months ago, a love song, that's the one i'm focused on bettering.


I found your heart locked tight in a box
Of flesh and bones
Keyless love

Brushing with the feathering wings of blue butterflies
Corsorting with dreams
And dealing with demons

Softly unwaked by words and chasm
Bound by lines
Which seamlessly seemed to flow

Into wet springs
And flowering trees
Weeping quietly in arid wasteland

Tasted the pale ember of your tears
As you wrote forgiveness
In your skin

Dreamt a dreamt forever eternal
Touched the walls
Which under my fingers blurred

I found your heart locked in a box
Which you made yourself
Of loveless love

And as I held it in my hands we dreamed
To lie forever in a kiss
Undending into paradise

All this you gave to me
As I unlocked your heart with mine
And bound us togheter

Quietly.
Softly.
Keylessly.

[Niamh]

i like that one. very moving Ryu.

[Bakiryu]

thankee *bows*

[Pendragon]

Ryu, I'm guessing this is written for heavymetal? The verses start out where I can play them fairly but then it hits a part where I'm guessing the singer is more screaming than singing and the music would be a blast of sound.

There's a great market out there for these songs today. Hey, you never know, your favorite group might be blasting the rafters with your songs next!
Good images and wording, dark but that isn't always bad. I have two favorite songs that I like because they express the way I've come to feel. The Eagles: "Get Over It!" and Bon Jovi "Have a Nice Day!"

Write your songs, they are great for their style, try to sell them, hey other people who can't write half as good make it, why not you, right? Rock on!

Pen

[firefangled]

Bakiryu, I like all of these very much. All songs do not need a refrain and many of the best songwriters of all time have songs that go for their resolution (or lack of it) without a single refrain. But I agree that Niamh has point, the song should determine if it needs a chorus and some songs definitely need a repetative message.

For example where would Verve Pipe's great lyrics be without this repetition:

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen