Some stupid thing i came up with..

[Adolescent09]

The Heterogeneity Link


If death is eluded through just a grain
Why is sustenance overdosed?
If work is the ethic of constant gain,
Why do some toil as some repose?


If man and man mortally equate
Pray tell me who is king,
If chance's ramifications make us irate
how will our positive beings bring
our likes together
reconcile our variants
and secure our prevalence in Full?

[Pendragon]

The Heterogeneity Link


If death is eluded through just a grain
Why is sustenance overdosed?
If work is the ethic of constant gain,
Why do some toil as some repose?


If man and man mortally equate
Pray tell me who is king,
If chance's ramifications make us irate
how will our positive beings bring
our likes together
reconcile our variants
and secure our prevalence in Full? First of all, 'Dole, please, PLEASE, do not degrade you writing by calling it "some stupid thing I came up with." You write quite well. Downing yourself is not the way to go anymore than the writer who feels he or she is so perfect that they have no room for improvement. Neither is true. I have published something like 43 Shadow Short Short Stories on John Olson's The Shadow Magazine In Review Website. Out of the 43, maybe 2 went up unedited. My poetry usually takes a few drafts. I have changed when others suggested improvements. But as an author friend taught me, never think anything you write is worthless.

Now, here is a suggestion, which you may ignore:

If man and man mortally equate
pray tell me who is the king?
If chance's ramifications make us irate
how will our positive beings bring
our likes collective,
reconcile our alternative
and secure our prevalence in Gratifying?

[Adolescent09]

I'm sorry Pen. You're right, I have to stop but for some reason I keep thinking I'm getting worse as if I haven't properly gotten my muse. I will not ignore your changes because they usually help my pieces, your most recent change included. You make it sound just a bit more clearer and enjoyable. Thanks a million, Pen, You're always there for everyone. :D

[symphony]

It sounded a little unusual, which is why I liked it so much. :)
Esp. this bit:

If work is the ethic of constant gain,
Why do some toil as some repose?
I love unusual themes for poems. :) Since this one's new to me so far, I found it very enjoying. :thumbs_up Adole. :)