tea at star bucks/’nother bad poem

[amuse]

i was very embarrassed by this poem from '02. was supposed to be studying for anatomy. if i had, imagine i would've received an a+, but no...people-watched instead. i've got a really hard time doing that. it seems pretty offensive to me to check people out, and people-watching was far and away the most difficult assignment ever in theatre. like, can't we notice people rather than focus. i still feel as though one should ask permission first :)...so i pw'd and missed my brother, as we used to hang out there (ashamed-for-frequenting-corporate-giant-smiley), he studying japanese, and me poring over flash cards for the liver.
i wrote this because the need to write was stronger and more interesting than the need to study. and i was horrified by how it reads, rather like the mess outdoors, the swirling napkins and leaves, the casual way we pick up life and throw it down.
...i just finished Expecting Adam by Martha Beck (started it yesterday), and for the first time ever am not embarrassed by the poor phrasing or anything else in this poem. i'm just glad i wrote it. and i recommend her book highly: *mimes stroller game* how high? THIS HIGH!



barren aphrodite
flows by,
joining with
the mess
of the sidewalk.

and though she is
stunning like
unborn music, her
contempt/need/
sneers of passion remind
me of the
eventual trashing
of porcelain and
i crave the honest
laughter of a
baby with
trisomy 21
an iq of 40.

[amuse]

btw, i don't know what the cool symbol thingy up top (see "'nother") is all about. maybe it's because i spelled starbucks wrong?

[fayefaye]

uhm.... I don't really totally get it. .... the laughter of a child with down's syndrome, i mean. I'm taking it to be sort of literal, sort of metaphoric, but to some extent... isn't the laughter because maybe they don't really know what's going on around them? So is it a craving of the innocence of ignorance?

[amuse]

i noticed a long time ago that people with mental disabilities seem very, very happy most of the time. unlike most of us without. and babies are of course a joy. (unless like me, they're colic-y. :eek: )
it's not about "craving...innocence...ignorance" but more about simple enjoyment of life. i don't think one has to be intelligent to enjoy life. sometimes i think if i thought less life would be simpler. not that i'm asking :) for a lower iq, but
the girl who i saw out the window was really pretty, with a very sharp intelligent face. and something ugly underneath, i can't describe it. and it made me sad and kind of sigh. and i thought about masks, and i just wanted someone/something pure and honest to pass by the window instead, someone with joy in their heart smiling and instead there's this disturbing person and feeling. and it felt like help!, why don't we live from the bottom of our hearts more, rather than the frontal lobes of our brains.
anyway, as noted in the title, i know it's pretty bad. but after reading Beck's book, i didn't care. because i think i saw something real, maybe that's why it came out so poorly in words...
or, maybe it's just me! :D

[Koa]

I think it's proven that the less clever you are, the happier you are... (evn if that would classify me as very intelligent lol... I might be the exception that confirms the rule :D))

As usual I had to read the comments and then re-read it twice to get it... (slow me). Now it really makes sense :)
I don't think it's bad, but I think it's less 'cryptical' than your other stuff...there are more links, more 'full' sentences if you get what i mean...

[amuse]

does this help the cryptical stuff?
she's not barren of womb (can't stand that word, btw) but her life is barren. (not sure if that came across.)
:p (oh! doesn't this <--- look like a raspberry?)
that aside, it didn't communicate very well. i like the porcelain stuff, like how porcelain dolls fade with time, but i really wanted to see a happy, laughing human being outside, not a removed mask of an empty goddess. :(
but thanks for not thinking it bad...i guess even boring sunsets/sunrises aren't bad aren't they. guess in the effort to portray [a longing for] happiness, i sacrificed intelligence that time...

[fayefaye]

It's not intellect that makes you miss the simple enjoyable things in life, it's society. She didn't wear a mask because she was intelligent, she did it because she didn't want people to see underneath. I think a lot of us do that, because it's too easy to get hurt if you live from your heart.

'and I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am' -goo goo dolls