my first poem in along time

[daniel mata]

ok i just started writing poetry again, the last poem i wrote won a national contest so lets hope i can wrote good ones again. it dosent realy have a name, its about fame, and what it does to a person.

i close my eyes and envision a place of light
a place that at first sight might seem just right
this place that seems just right, just might
turn on a dime, its like a maze full of lust
and craze, it has taken people under destroyed
hopes and dreams, it has killed those who had
lives that just gleamed, too much of anything
can be bad, ya know its very sad

[Pendragon]

Please don't take this wrong, but did your contest involve The International Library of Poetry? The reason I ask is, I have won twice. I refuse to pay to go to the convention since I am disabled, and have won for poems I submitted before finding out the whole was a scam.

Your poem needs work. It isn't terrible, but the rhyme jumps around a lot and it really follows no pattern. At the end of reading it, I am still wondering what it is about. I think it might be better as free verse, the part that doesn't rhyme flows much better. Good Luck and welcome to the poetry part of the forum!

Pen

[daniel mata]

umm im not sure exactly, it was on www.famouspoets.com i think. i can take constructive critisism lol id rather that than people tell me i suck, or to put down the pen or somthing liek that, like they did when i was writing raps, i diddnt listen to them and now i have an actual internet release out lol

[Bakiryu]

I liked it a bit: It inspired me to write this!

Eyes closed and I see
A place where everything can be
Turning upon itself
devouring all
turning to shadows, upheavel, revelation
On a twist of dimes
I see this place growing whitin
Invating and destroying thousand dreams
This place that shone so brightly mad
Destroying everything we had

[Pendragon]

umm im not sure exactly, it was on www.famouspoets.com i think. i can take constructive critisism lol id rather that than people tell me i suck, or to put down the pen or somthing liek that, like they did when i was writing raps, i diddnt listen to them and now i have an actual internet release out lol
That's one thing you will never get out of me. If I don't think the person can write at all, or I think their poem "sucks", to use your word, I don't comment. You can write. And good for you! You did something I keep encouraging poets here to do: you ignored the critics of your rap and went on to success! I always tell poets "In the end, the poem is yours. Don't change anything if you don't think it helps the poem."

I stuck to my guns on a poem (My Letter to the Editor is posted on this section) and the poem was taken as originally written by a rival magazine. I write short fiction for a website that is dedicated to Pulp Magazine Fiction Character The Shadow. I sometimes refuse the edits, and I prevail.

Best of luck!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Appaluse.gif

[daniel mata]

lol thanks. ill try and write a better one later, and post it up