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BroadwayBaby
06-25-2007, 01:23 AM
I'd appreciate comments and suggestions, but please be civil
thanks
~BB

Please note that I don't write with titles so I am just going to number the poems to make things simpler... and about the whole kind of 'obsession' with roses, our poetry club's name was raindrops on roses, so those are assignments from our poetry club, and the other roses ones are ones that were actually my ideas, not that the other weren't they were just not so orriginal as the others...

1.Harmonious song
heard in a dream
stays forever
happy, like a sun beam
beautiful music
heard in the night
fills your spirit
brings the light
sweet melodies
the music of life
intertwining harmonies interacting life

2.Goodbye isn't forever
in love we'll be together
with you...
the adventure never ends

those left behind bear the pain,
we won't forget, through the hurt
without you every day feels like rain
no matter how little we understand
you'll always...
be there...

3.Shimmering Stream of Silver dreams
carry me where you go
I'll have adventures along your foreign shores
and find my true love, I hope

I'll fight with a dragon
and sail with Pirates
Save some kingdoms
and fight for my rights and those of the small

I'll be taken captive by bandits
and my love will rescue me
and when I'm ready to come home
I'll awaken in the arms of
my hero
my life
my love

4. The Lady of the Moon,
Sits upon her silver throne....
Alone and forgotten...
Her heart's been broken much too often...
a simple dress she wears,
Embroidery, cotton;
Tear washed eyes,
once blue as skies,
now crystal from the tears she cries;
Dark brown hair with streaks of gray,
tucked back in a half bun out of her way;
Her gentle touch lights the lamps at night,
the stars you see and the moon, so bright;
So next time you hear her singing,
her lonesome song as the wind is blowing,
trees quaking as they feel her pain;
And you feel her tears as they fall from the sky,
Send a Prayer up in her name
and hopefully you can ease her pain.

5. Nymph of the Silver Wood
The melodies of the crickets are your music
The Fireflies provide your light
Coppery hair and lively green eyes reflect their flame
feet padding gently on the soft green moss...
Gown of plain cotton, and a laurel wreath in your hair;
The moonlight as your spotlight,
you prance around the glade;
yet as I arrive in the morning,
no trace remains...

6. She said her goodbye, solemnly, sadly
her love going to war..
he gently dried her eyes...
she cried into his shoulder
he told her, "Come the spring I will return,"
"Look for me with the robins,"
"I'll see you very soon..."
He rode away in silence
tears still falling from her eyes
she thought 'I'll never see him again'
she was right...

through the winter she suffered badly,
longing for her love...
when the spring came, with the robins;
he didn't come...

One night she awoke with a feeling,
of dread mixed with fear...
She knew he was in battle...
so she prayed with all her might,
that night a change came through her...
She knew her love had died that night....

The next morning she heard soldiers,
coming down the path...
Already knowing their message,
she took out the gun she had prepared,
took a deep breath and pulled the trigger,
through her heart the bullet went,
through her heart, that already bled...

As her lover rode through the courtyard...
all was silent 'cept the rain...
He heard her shot ring...
and he felt a deep deep pain...

He ran into the house,
and saw her close her eyes...
Kissed her and held her closely,
she smiled, then slipped away...

he took his gun and loaded,
and held her in his arms,
he shot right through his heart too,
and he passed...
they were together now at last...

And though they died that morning...
only one thing still remains...
Separate, all that time, their love, it never died....

7. Raindrops on Roses,
like pearls on red satin,
glide across the petal;
one falls away,
never to glimmer in the sun again...
raindrops on roses...

8. Mistakes fall away,
like raindrops on roses...
Achievements live on,
like a dried rose...
And friendships spit and fall away,
withering, petals falling from the rose...
New friends come,
like spring buds...
And the truest of true friends... they stay forever...
Like roses that come up every year no matter what you do...
bad days come,
like a wilting rose....
And good days too,
like roses in bloom...
and it all repeats, again and again...
Like raindrops on Roses...

9. Seems the stakes are high,
when you put your chips in;
If it fails your heart may die;
but who knows what can happen if you win...

I'd rather have played love's game and lost
than to have never played at all...
Although so high may be the cost
Though if you win it all...
the risk is thouroughly rewarded...

Eyes cast down; your chance is now...
you hope your love will give you a chance...
you curtsey to the ground, he gives a bow...
you grab hands and begin to dance...

Soon your time is up...
he kisses your hand...
you look down, but your heart glide up...
your heart soars on wings, it's so grand!

Time passes... A year or two
he's gone... you never cared...
why should you?
you forget you were ever scared...
now you've someone new...

Soon time passes and you forget,
forget why you crushed...
yet you don't regret...
only wonder why you ever blushed...

You've been lost in the game...
The game of love,
the game never repeats, is never the same...
it's like fate, angels betting from above...
that's what it's like; the game of love...

The game you've lost...
or sometimes come out on top...
you've kept playing, whatever the cost...
it's addicting, you know you'll never stop...
but where it ends you'll never know...
that's part of the fun...
it'll end when you find your one...

10. Guardian Angel,
lay me to bed...
guide me through life
lead me through heart and head....

Bring me sweet dreams,
'specially when I need them most,
watch over my friends
but watch over me real close...

when the time comes,
teach my heart to love...
lead me to happily ever after...
guide me from above...

make sure my children...
and their children after that...
see me to sleep,
when I'm old and fat...

Now as Summer's song plays,
let's not worry you with those parts...
just give me good sleep and sweet dreams...
just give me good night...
just make sure I wake up...
make sure I see the light...

11. Harps, Lutes and Silver Flutes
your music so gentle;
stirring me to wake,
yet tempting me to stay in sleep...
'lest your miraculous song,
be but a dream...

12. Ruby petals plunge
delicate beauty withering,
a rose's beauty...
yellow fades to brown,
yet the charms remain...
a reminder of a child's gift...

The rose so perfectly lovely,
drawing attention, fawned over...
the dandelion, a gawky poof on a stalk...
unnoticed...
Is the rose truly greater than the dandilion,
or is true beauty deeper than the rose?

13. With this locket,
I give my heart to you...
grasp it in excitement,
hold it close when you're blue...
when I'm angry...
remember my love for you is true...
and I don't mean a thing I say,
did you really think I do?
Let it help you remember the times,
we stuck together like glue...
and when you hold it close,
I hope you love me too...

14. Child,
grasp my hand...
do not be afraid,
for you are coming to heaven...
your mother cannot come,
not now at least...
but when she does,
you will be a beautiful angel...
come darling,
you cannot linger,
until your mother comes to heaven,
I will care for you,
for I am your guardian angel...

15. Don't lock yourself away,
I want to reach you...
your heart cannot be stone,
only ice a little warmth can melt...
you cannot be emotionless,
for I see them in your eyes...
so why do you try,
to hide behind that mask of lies?

16. All the way to heaven is heaven,
the journey is just as exciting as the arrival.
don't take life so seriously,
all things will work out for the best.
live life to the fullest and try your best,
but if something isn't perfect,
remember the world won't end;
remember everyone makes mistakes,
says the wrong things,
or does something wrong,
forgive them,
as they will when you mess up.
don't lie,
but remember the truth may not always be the best;
And above all,
remember that friendship is a delicate balance
and one word or action can send it all crashing down.
Never do anything to endanger this balance,
for friendship,
and life,
work hand in hand.

17. Rose true,
bring my lover back,
try with all the magic in you;
I love him with all my heart,
and without him I am blue,
my words, how I wish I could take them back,
and upon his return,
nothing will part me from his side,
now,
please,
bring him home,
and give me my home,
for his arms are my home.

BroadwayBaby
06-25-2007, 01:25 AM
I'll post more when I write more (don't expect new poetry too often because I tend to have short bursts of inspiration that will give me a couple poems, then the rest of the time they aren't really so good, and I'm not going to post them...)

Pendragon
06-25-2007, 11:18 AM
It's a little hard to keep up with that many at once, but they were well-written. I liked the longer ones better, you have a nice voice for poetry, and the longer poems really bring out that voice.

If I gave you any piece of advice it would be this. I noticed you used the term "pretty cruddy" in refering to yourself. Don't do that. There is no need to put yourself down. By doing so, you will make people think, "Oh. This person has no faith in what they write so why should I bother reading it?" An author friend of mine who has had many best-sellers once told me: "Anything you write is worth reading. If you get rejected, resend it to someone else." He was right. I gave up myself, and I was wrong. I need to get back into the swing myself, the poems and short stories I have published aren't enough. I quit, and I shouldn't have. Don't make the same mistake. Go for the gold!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

BroadwayBaby
06-25-2007, 12:00 PM
thanks for your advice, and thank you for your compliment...

Bartholomew
06-25-2007, 11:55 PM
I think in referring to yourself as "pretty cruddy," you might just be retrospectively declaring your earlier work insufficient in comparison to your true potential, which, as long as you keep writing and striving to improve, isn't entirely bad. I did it myself, looking back on my older work. I think it's necessary to accept that you should constantly evolve and not stick to the same old poetry.

About these poems in particular: they work well presented as a set because of the reoccurring themes of not only roses, but heaven, angels, and other lofty religious items. But I've been waylaid by jackassery, so I'll give more specific comments later.

BroadwayBaby
06-27-2007, 10:52 AM
no, not exactly, more or less I'm saying that those works I think are pretty good, but I am not truly one to judge myself, but anything I write when I am not having one of my bright bursts of inspiration isn't nearly as good as those times, and not worth posting... thanks