The loss of a youngest child’s expectations

[babybrother]

When Is It My Turn? (The loss of a youngest child’s expectations)


I’m the youngest in a large family; whom I love with all my heart,
With four brothers and a sister; and no father to do his part.

My mother was the greatest; the best there ever was,
She’d make something out of nothing; just to help the cause.

She taught me how to help the family; and always do what’s right,
As I grew into adulthood; poised to help, try, as though, I might.

All my life I’ve been ready; willing to lend a hand,
Whether tiling, painting or just talking; whatever the demand.

All the times I’ve been there; to share their big event,
Be it graduations to grand openings; I was there, no malcontent.

I’ve tried to be there for them; and they’re not for me... No Way,
They tell me of their need for more; ”Can you do this for me today?”

The many things that I have done; were no problem until now,
You see, I’ve got a baby; and new family… Holy cow!

You’d think my family’d be there; but “No, we can’t, not yet”,
“We can only hope you understand; we have outstanding debt!”

At least some family have seen my boy; two brothers, a nephew and his spouse,
But even they had strings attached; like meeting a flight and a party at someone else’s house.

It’s fast approaching my boy’s first year; with special moments for all others,
No mom, no sis, they have since passed; not even my other two brothers.

My expectations toward my siblings; were completely way off base,
No matter what their reason is; they’re not here to see his precious face.

Just to make you think a bit; why I’m feeling in these ways,
Try to count the times you’ve been there; on my important days.

Yes, I have hurt feelings; I think it’s fair for me to say,
This isn’t what mom taught us; she’d bow her head to pray.

I know that you still love me; to disbelieves absurd,
But actions always speak louder; than all the wishes in the world.

I know your lives are busy; with important things that’s true,
For keep in mind, my brothers; I’ve started something new.

So if you’re feeling slighted; not receiving of my time,
Or thinking that I’ve dropped the ball; that would be a crime.

I wrote this poem to all of you; upsetting that’s a fact,
We’re full of good intentions; but they don’t count unless you “act”.

I’ll always love and treasure; the great family that Mom made,
I never thought I’d see the day; our togetherness would fade.

If I had things my way; I’d wish we’d make more time,
And give it to each other; though, that’s an uphill climb.

I’ve moved to more important things; than to get trapped in all this stress,
My focus now is wife and child; with or without you here…. God bless.


July 16, 2001 ~ your baby brother

[kiobe]

When Is It My Turn? (The loss of a youngest child’s expectations)


I’m the youngest in a large family; whom I love with all my heart,
With four brothers and a sister; and no father to do his part.

My mother was the greatest; the best there ever was,
She’d make something out of nothing; just to help the cause.

She taught me how to help the family; and always do what’s right,
As I grew into adulthood; poised to help, try, as though, I might.

All my life I’ve been ready; willing to lend a hand,
Whether tiling, painting or just talking; whatever the demand.

All the times I’ve been there; to share their big event,
Be it graduations to grand openings; I was there, no malcontent.

I’ve tried to be there for them; and they’re not for me... No Way,
They tell me of their need for more; ”Can you do this for me today?”

The many things that I have done; were no problem until now,
You see, I’ve got a baby; and new family… Holy cow!

You’d think my family’d be there; but “No, we can’t, not yet”,
“We can only hope you understand; we have outstanding debt!”

At least some family have seen my boy; two brothers, a nephew and his spouse,
But even they had strings attached; like meeting a flight and a party at someone else’s house.

It’s fast approaching my boy’s first year; with special moments for all others,
No mom, no sis, they have since passed; not even my other two brothers.

My expectations toward my siblings; were completely way off base,
No matter what their reason is; they’re not here to see his precious face.

Just to make you think a bit; why I’m feeling in these ways,
Try count the times you’ve been there; on my important days.

Yes, I have hurt feelings; I think it’s fair for me to say,
This isn’t what mom taught us; she’d bow her head to pray.

I know that you still love me; to disbelieves absurd,
But actions always speak louder; than all the wishes in the world.

I know your lives are busy; with important things that’s true,
For keep in mind, my brothers; I’ve started something new.

So if you’re feeling slighted; not receiving of my time,
Or thinking that I’ve dropped the ball; that would be a crime.

I wrote this poem to all of you; upsetting that’s a fact,
We’re full of good intentions; but they don’t count unless you “act”.

I’ll always love and treasure; the great family that Mom made,
I never thought I’d see the day; our togetherness would fade.

If I had things my way; I’d wish we’d make more time,
And give it to each other; though, that’s an uphill climb.

I’ve moved to more important things; than to get trapped in all this stress,
My focus now is wife and child; with or without you here…. God bless.


July 16, 2001 ~ your baby brother

Nice. A little too rhymie for me though the message gets through well.

[Niamh]

very nice

[babybrother]

Then I suceeded with my intentions. Thanks, kiobe. Yeah I know, and agree, it's a lot too rhymie... My first attempt at poetry. It was very therapeutic. Not art. Thanks for the post.

[babybrother]

Thanks Niamh, though I would have rather not written it. Funny how writing down your deep feelings does help to let go of the wrongs life throws at you.

[Pendragon]

Brings back memories. I was middle child, same situation, to call us poor was flattery. Mom raised the three of us, my sister, me, baby brother-- everyone turned to me. I worked from age 12 on. Worked my way through high school. Sis married when she was 15, still with the same man, a preacher. I became a preacher myself, worked in a factory to support a wife and three kids. Helped little bro get his job.

When I became disabled, I ceased to exist. See the family about once a year. Never did anything for my kids like I did for sis's. Little Bro said he needed to look out for number 1. Even mom acts funny, because I can't do like I used to.

I wrote several of these poems. They are things that have to be written, and they express the unexpressable. Some, like me, will understand them very clearly. Others may not. It's still good poetry and even better theropy.

God bless you, mon ami!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Appaluse.gif

[Pensive]

It's good, though made me a bit sad. You see I am the youngest child in the family. Heh, my friends had always said to me it's fun being the youngest, but I think vice-versa. If you are the eldest, and your family can afford your siblings' fees and all that, they wouldn't mind much if you go out somewhere and make your own living. I mean you wouldn't have to take care of younger ones then. But if you are the youngest one, things can be different. They may not want to let go of you.

Reminds me also of Paul Morel from Sons and Lovers. How he mentioned he hated the fact his mother was old at the time he was young. It if it had been his elder brother William, his mother would have been younger and healthier.

Anyway, I think it all depends. I see elder child of the family complaining as well...but anyway, you wrote it very nicely. Thanks for posting it!

[babybrother]

~ prayers for your struggles and praise for your blessings.

[babybrother]

Pendragon and Pensive, thanks for the reply. I appreciate your understanding words. I know, we all go through life with great blessings and great challenges. I choose to try to make the best if them as it sounds like you do also. In my life, just telling my story would sound almost horrific but you know, I really wouldn't have changed a thing growing up.

The reason I wrote this poem, I didn't see this one coming, I mean, through all the work, struggle and hard times I never dispeared. I'm always positive, enjoy life and love my family dearly. So when it came time for me to finally start my own family and expected my family to share my excitement with me and didn't get it. It crushed me. With the loss of my mother and sister there was no fixing it. To add to that, the others just didn't seem to to care.

I just didn't see it coming and that surprised me. It hurt. I'm pretty much over it now and I've got one heck of a great kid. I do still wish my mom and sister were here so I could see them know my son. But hey, we can't have everything.

Take care you two ~ prayers for your struggles and praise for your blessings.

[Pensive]

Pendragon and Pensive, thanks for the reply. I appreciate your understanding words. I know, we all go through life with great blessings and great challenges. I choose to try to make the best if them as it sounds like you do also. In my life, just telling my story would sound almost horrific but you know, I really wouldn't have changed a thing growing up.

The reason I wrote this poem, I didn't see this one coming, I mean, through all the work, struggle and hard times I never dispeared. I'm always positive, enjoy life and love my family dearly. So when it came time for me to finally start my own family and expected my family to share my excitement with me and didn't get it. It crushed me. With the loss of my mother and sister there was no fixing it. To add to that, the others just didn't seem to to care.

I just didn't see it coming and that surprised me. It hurt. I'm pretty much over it now and I've got one heck of a great kid. I do still wish my mom and sister were here so I could see them know my son. But hey, we can't have everything.

Take care you two ~ prayers for your struggles and praise for your blessings.

You are right. You can't get all that you want. Best are those who can adjust with the surroundings and can remain happy even in hard times... :)

[ampoule]

through all the work, struggle and hard times I never dispeared.

And there sir, is the theme of your poem and maybe your life. You have definitely not disappeared and your sad learning will bring joy to your son and wife and like a mirror, will be reflected back at you.

I don't know how old you are baby brother but if you haven't heard Cats In the Cradle by Harry Chapin, you should listen.

I loved your line..."I'd wish we'd more time, and give it to each other".

You recognized the injustice but in the end (not THE end), you still wished them well...God bless.

You also gave me my first song of the day, from your last line, U2's, With or Without You.... :)

[babybrother]

ampoule, I'm in my 40's and oh yes, I know Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin very well... it always has had an influence on me about how I should raise a son, since I never had a dad of my own to care but not give the time a parent should, like in the song. I was lucky enough to have a mom that cared (and did) enough for two parents... she was quite the "American Woman". (maybe that can be your first song of tday!) Thanks for the post and have a great day.

[ampoule]

You are very welcome and I'm singing that song right now!! ;) :)

[babybrother]

I don't know how old you are baby brother but if you haven't heard Cats In the Cradle by Harry Chapin, you should listen.

I loved your line..."I'd wish we'd more time, and give it to each other".

You recognized the injustice but in the end (not THE end), you still wished them well...God bless.


ampoule, I just heard Cats in the Cradle this morning and my mind whirled of thoughts of this site, my poem, my family and how the readers could probably tell I was born and raised Catholic. :lol:

[ampoule]

ampoule, I just heard Cats in the Cradle this morning and my mind whirled of thoughts of this site, my poem, my family and how the readers could probably tell I was born and raised Catholic. :lol:

Well, maybe. I'm not Catholic but you have given me the impulse and courage to post something on that order.
Are you also back to write more for us?
Cats In The Cradle is such a fine song but I like Mr. Tanner the most. And now I am crying, but it's okay.

[babybrother]

Well, maybe. I'm not Catholic but you have given me the impulse and courage to post something on that order.
Are you also back to write more for us?
Cats In The Cradle is such a fine song but I like Mr. Tanner the most. And now I am crying, but it's okay.

I've never heard "Mr. Tanner" before but after reading it, you're right... it's very sad. The loss of a dream is always sad, weather I write it or Harry Chapin.


Mr. Tanner Lyrics
Artist(Band):Harry Chapin

Mister Tanner was a cleaner from a town in the Midwest.
And of all the cleaning shops around he'd made his the best.
But he also was a baritone who sang while hanging clothes.
He practiced scales while pressing tails and sang at local shows.
His friends and neighbors praised the voice that poured out from his throat.
They said that he should use his gift instead of cleaning coats.

But music was his life, it was not his livelihood,
and it made him feel so happy and it made him feel so good.
And he sang from his heart and he sang from his soul.
He did not know how well he sang; It just made him whole.

His friends kept working on him to try music out full time.
A big debut and rave reviews, a great career to climb.
Finally they got to him, he would take the fling.
A concert agent in New York agreed to have him sing.
And there were plane tickets, phone calls, money spent to rent the hall.
It took most of his savings but he gladly used them all.

But music was his life, it was not his livelihood,
and it made him feel so happy and it made him feel so good.
And he sang from his heart and he sang from his soul.
He did not know how well he sang; It just made him whole.

The evening came, he took the stage, his face set in a smile.
And in the half filled hall the critics sat watching on the aisle.
But the concert was a blur to him, spatters of applause.
He did not know how well he sang, he only heard the flaws.
But the critics were concise, it only took four lines.
But no one could accuse them of being over kind.

(spoken) Mr. Martin Tanner, Baritone, of Dayton, Ohio made his
Town Hall debut last night. He came well prepared, but unfortunately
his presentation was not up to contemporary professional standards.
His voice lacks the range of tonal color necessary to make it
consistently interesting.
(sung) Full time consideration of another endeavor might be in order.

He came home to Dayton and was questioned by his friends.
Then he smiled and just said nothing and he never sang again,
excepting very late at night when the shop was dark and closed.
He sang softly to himself as he sorted through the clothes.
Music was his life, it was not his livelihood,
and it made him feel so happy and it made him feel so good.
And he sang from his heart and he sang from his soul.
(And) he did not know how well he sang; It just made him whole.

As far as writing more, I'm really not a writer but I am enjoying reading others works. I guess that's a start, huh?

Speaking of reading others works; I love your "Homecoming" poem. When I first read it, I thought it was going to be a deep, happy, surprize ending type poem about going to heaven and seeing all your loved ones greeting you as you make your way to the "endzone" and if it's not I still love it for a Homecoming Queens special moment and desire to dance. Very nice.

[ampoule]

Speaking of reading others works; I love your "Homecoming" poem. When I first read it, I thought it was going to be a deep, happy, surprize ending type poem about going to heaven and seeing all your loved ones greeting you as you make your way to the "endzone" and if it's not I still love it for a Homecoming Queens special moment and desire to dance. Very nice.

Actually, that's exactly what it was. I mean, how many silver haired calico dressed cheerleaders have you seen? **wink wink** The crown and the dance are very symbolic.
You should give it a go, this 'word' thing, and join us....when you are ready.
And, thank you.

[babybrother]

Actually, that's exactly what it was. I mean, how many silver haired calico dressed cheerleaders have you seen? **wink wink** The crown and the dance are very symbolic.
You should give it a go, this 'word' thing, and join us....when you are ready.
And, thank you.

I guess it depends on where you are living... I just saw a silver haired calico dressed like a cheerleader yesterday, actually it was a tabby and it made me think of your poem.:lol:

Thanks for nudging me but I'm really not ready yet... But maybe one day!

[babybrother]

Just thought I'd throw my poem back up here to see what people thought. I know it's not good poetry but I was wondering how to improve it without loosing the angst that I felt at the time I wrote it.

[babybrother]

Just checking in to say "hi" and hope to get some contructive feedback on my my poem.