My poems

[totyfroty]

hi guys
well here I will put all my poems so you can read them and tell me what you think

this is the new one first

Do not Leave Me Alone

Everyday my heart is calling you
Come back to me I need you
Forgive the mistakes, forget the pain
Give me your heart all over again
Have faith in me have faith in us
Let's see what is meant for us
With you I belong
Do not even think of leaving me here
For you I will long
Do not go away from me


have a nice day

[Shurtugal]

best part about this poem... most people relate to it. but, i might be wrong, you repeat some words to often. at least it is noticable because they are close. example;

Everyday my heart is calling you
Come back to me I need you
Forgive the mistakes, forget the pain
Give me your heart all over again
Have faith in me have faith in us
Let's see what is meant for us
With you I belong
Do not even think of leaving me here
For you I will long
Do not go away from me

i could be wrong, i have been before, so don't take my word for it. but in writing class i was taught that you don't want to repeat the words to often. ask around and see if i;m right. and you who read this tell me, too. so i don't make the mistake again. good luch

[Pendragon]

Shurtugal is giving the advice I would give, Toty. If you repeat words in a poem (there are several forms where you are required to repeat words), they never repeat in two lines that follow each other. You can put a line between the lines with the repeated words, or find another way to say the same thing.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[totyfroty]

Thanks for both of you.
I will try to figure it out and take your opinions

thanks

[totyfroty]

new poem

Confused as never before
My heart is in sore
I need you, I need me
I donot know what it is gonna be
It is hard on you
It is harder for me
You refused my help
You pushed me away
I need some help
I want to go away
I can not abandon you
I need to let you go
Good bye my friend
May you find help
Good bye my friend
May God give me strength

[totyfroty]

new poem

Confused as never before
My heart is in sore
I need you, I need me
I donot know what it is gonna be
It is hard on you
It is harder for me
You refused my help
You pushed me away
I need some help
I want to go away
I can not abandon you
I need to let you go
Good bye my friend
May you find help
Good bye my friend
May God give me strength

hi guys

really need your opinion in this poem:)

thanks

[Shurtugal]

it was really good toty, something we can all relate to. thanks for posting a sharing your poems. see ya around. (don't give up evan if no looks at your work, they're wonderful. keep on working on it and one day i plan to see your work in a book of poems. good luck)

[Adolescent09]

Imagery is one of the few unflagging and diverse qualities that accentuate mostly all genres of writing from lengthy prose, to expository to standard poetry. It promotes individuality in ways that other styles of writing are incapable because it uniquely divulges to your readers a sliver of your imagination which is open to controversy. Your latest work appears to decipher the meaning of a metaphorical poem rather than harbor the essence of poetic inspiration. It seems as if you have zealously cooked up a single lengthy stanza leaving no room for thought opposed to laying a carpet of beautiful lines subject to the many shades of opinion.

For instance.. here is the first part of your poem:
Confused as never before
My heart is in sore
I need you, I need me
I donot know what it is gonna be
It is hard on you
It is harder for me


And here is a poem based partially on the select lines in yours
that boosts prosaicness to a slightly greater notch of glory.
It is written in my perspective, individualistically...:


How did the drone of winter dusk,
tinge my quiet noon-day peach?
When an opal sponge dappled my pure,
What was the wrentch that instilled the leach
That seeped the red that swirled in me
and residued my bed with frozen leaves?

I'm not asking you to like it, nor am I assuming that you will like it. This example is based on cliche imagery which reflects an equinox in seasonal volatility..Your personal imagery can be obscure, poignant or just a definition of the type of poetry writer you are. I hope this might help you a bit...

[totyfroty]

Imagery is one of the few unflagging and diverse qualities that accentuate mostly all genres of writing from lengthy prose, to expository to standard poetry. It promotes individuality in ways that other styles of writing are incapable because it uniquely divulges to your readers a sliver of your imagination which is open to controversy. Your latest work appears to decipher the meaning of a metaphorical poem rather than harbor the essence of poetic inspiration. It seems as if you have zealously cooked up a single lengthy stanza leaving no room for thought opposed to laying a carpet of beautiful lines subject to the many shades of opinion.


.

Adole, thanks for reading and commenting on the poem. But I do not think my work "decipher the meaning of a metaphorical poem rather than harbor the essence of poetic inspiration." as you said. And I have not "cooked up" anything. It is just thought came to me and I wrote them down and I donot use metaphorical imagery alot (or so I think) , I will be glad if you elaborate it more to me. Again thanks for your opinion

good luck