The Prey

[Petruchio]

When you become a prey to gloominess,
And the world around you begins to swirl
Everything seems to be contrary to your thoughts
All you want to do at that time is to get away.
But there is no escape!
Because where ever you go,it is still a part of the world
You feel locked up inside your own mind
And all the escapes seem impossible
Your thoughts seem to be laughing at you
And the entire world seems to be against you!
So you brush it aside
And try to be with the one who "understands" you.
But that also does not work!
Because that person sometimes needs words to understand!
Whereas, all that you have is an eerie silence .
You don't know what to do or what to say
Because what you need is understanding without words!
And all you have are thoughts which do not want words.
In this way, gloominess captures you,
And after torturing you a bit inside your own body,
lets you go,
Into the world of imagination again.
So that it can have more fun...
in making you its prey,
over and over again!

[totyfroty]

This is great. Good luck

I loved the idea

[Pendragon]

Great idea. Good concept. Maybe too many clichés.

"locked inside your own mind"
"whole word is against you"
"nobody understands"

These appear over and over in poems like this for a good reason that you and I both know very well: By golly, that's how it feels, right?

The French have a good word you might try for the lock away: Oubliette, a small holding cell where people were placed literally to be forgotten.

Describe the crushing weight of how it feels to have the world come down on your shoulders, which, unlike Atlas, cannot bear the weight.

Describe the utter frustration of trying to make the incomprehensible understandable, maybe like trying to help a vision-challenged person see colors, or the hearing-impaired know what sound is like.

I know from where you are writing this work, I’ve walked that trail many times.

You are going to make it, both as a person, and as a poet. I’ve never backed anyone I didn’t think had the makings of a good poet.

Good luck!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[Petruchio]

Thanks alot both!
I really appreciate it!!!