(Masks we wear) & (Only one left)!!

[Momtaz]

Hello guys its my first thread in this forum i wish u all like my writings varies between short stories memos and poems.
here i post two of my poems (Masks we wear) & (Only one left)
i wish u like both and feel free to criticize them
i wanna read some comments ;)

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(Masks we wear)

We wear masks to hide from the world
We wear masks to hide from ourselves
we wear masks so we can pretend
we wear masks that without its going to be hard

I wear a mask that beneath i hide
I hide the beast thats burning inside
Its fire turns me into ashes
so keep away from me or you will be burned

She wears a mask so the world she can face
Forced to live among zombies asking for grace
she hides innocence and purity from the real world we live
where it became nonsense to play a sheep in wolf's cave

He wears a mask of art and wisdom
but inside he holds scars and stains
he live his world in peaceful dream
but under the mask he screams from pain

They live with masks and act like friends
although inside themselves they believe they are not
It's just the matter they want
but friendship for them doesn't mean a lot

I believe a day will come when masks replaced with real faces
when all masks be burned and the smoke become unbearable
but what if your mask hanged to your face
when it become your skin
it turned to be your face
you would be burned with it before even you know it
turns into ashes and fly with the wind

and never rest
you will never rest
until you get rid of your mask

----------------------------
(Only one left)

what makes you hold a shave
and deal with your vein
what makes you so brave
and put out the pain

set your soul free make it leave away
leave a head filled with dreams
Head painted in gray

leave the world of men
where reality shows run
and go back to origin

where some imagination left
where a brain that thinks was a gift
and is valued right
WAS valued right

make sure when you hold a gun
pointed to your head
that the lock is on
son
cause if u pulled the trigger
there is no way back
No, now you are alone
with the devils of your own

I wont kill myself as i know
i wont feel better if i did
so
its only one life i live
can
i make it the best one for me ?
how
could i know if it was the best ?
isn't it only one left ?

------------------------------
WAITING >>>>>>>>>>>>>>;)

[jon1jt]

ah, behind the mask 'real person.' i like the sentiment behind your first poem.

favorite lines:

I believe a day will come when masks replaced with real faces
when all masks be burned and the smoke become unbearable
but what if your mask hanged to your face
when it become your skin


nice work.

[Momtaz]

ah, behind the mask 'real person.' i like the sentiment behind your first poem.

WoW, thank u very much :D

[Pendragon]

I agree with Jon, those were the verses that made that first poem for me. A+!
The second is dark but no darker than many of my own, if you can find time, there is a thread here called Echoes From the Edge. You will see some of my darker stuff there. I did like your first poem better, because your second seemed a little rushed, like there were things you would have liked to say, but you didn't. Poetry is written emotion. Let it out and let it flow!

Good luck!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[the silent x]

oh my god, a writer after my own heart, awesome poems i especially like the first one, keep it up man, keep it up.

[Momtaz]

oh my god, a writer after my own heart
well thx alot silent x im just an amateur writer and i believe i got more to learn
thx


I agree with Jon, those were the verses that made that first poem for me. A+!
A+! WOW thats too much u made my day uncle pen (i saw they calling u that:D )
and about ur (Echoes from the edge) its simply gr8 i liked it so much somehow i think i have the same dark thoughts and i write them down sometimes but i prefer to write them in the form of prose like short stories or memos i remember my first writing was so dark as no one couldn't understand i will post on a time.

but here come a Q?
Does the poet or writer should consider his work to be understood from people ??

Thanks to all of u again for ur comments :)

[the silent x]

i call pen king arthur, i don't think he cares

[Pendragon]

A+! WOW thats too much u made my day uncle pen (i saw they calling u that:D )

but here come a Q?
Does the poet or writer should consider his work to be understood from people ??

Indeed, they do call me Uncle Pen, but as X said, I don't mind his King Arthur....LOL.

As for your question: This will only be of importance when you share your work with others. That is when you have to know your audience. If you were submitting poetry to a Children's Magazine, for example, the one you posted here isn't going to work. But there are magazines out there where it would work fine. Some things you write are from such personal emotion that no one will ever understand them. You must steel yourself for that. But a lot of things we think people won't understand, they do. Often we find that more people wear masks than there are people who do not.

Keep up with the good work. You show great promise as a poet.

Uncle Pen

[Momtaz]

Thanx Pen so much for ur answer :D