how do you like my poems?

[Shurtugal]

hello all. i'm a newby, never published a thing but love writing. hear's the first one.


Remember”

When I die don’t remember me for my bravery.
When I die don’t remember me for my luck.
Don’t remember me for the joy I have given you.
But remember me for my love.

When I die don’t remember me for my strength.
Please, don’t remember me for my wrong.
This is all I will ask for, this is all I plead.
Remember my love when you remember me.

When I leave don’t think of cryin’,
‘Cause I’m in a better place.
Don’t think of the peace I did or didn’t make.
Just remember the love I gave.

‘Cause without it there’d be no kindness.
Only sorrow, pain, and hate.
Without love there’d be no peace or happiness.
This whole world would fall apart in a day.

Some people are remember for their justice.
Some, sadly, for their lack of faith.
I’m not saying it don’t have these qualities.
But remember the love I gave.
Yeah, remember the love I gave.

i want all you to tell me what you think. be honest and tell me all my faults.

[the silent x]

wow, it's pretty good, dark, but we all do need to be reminded that the reaper is holding our hand, whether to guide us away or to death. i like how you don't want to be remembered for very much, unlike the mid-age crisis people, "how will i be remembered" people. a nice point always goes great with a great poem.

[Turk]

Good for me, well done me. The first poem i am able to understand in English. Which is bad for you. :lol:

[Pendragon]

Very nice. I think with a little work on my guitar, I could turn this into a song.
Excellent.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

[Shurtugal]

Very nice. I think with a little work on my guitar, I could turn this into a song.
Excellent.

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif

cool! i actually have a tune for it. it began as a song. i'm glad that's how it was inturperted. thank for all your coments! it means alot when you guise tell me what you think. (i told you i was depressing:lol: )


wow, it's pretty good, dark, but we all do need to be reminded that the reaper is holding our hand, whether to guide us away or to death. i like how you don't want to be remembered for very much, unlike the mid-age crisis people, "how will i be remembered" people. a nice point always goes great with a great poem.

that's what i was trying to let people know. it's so nice when people understand what i'm trying to get through. thanks for reveiwing

[totyfroty]

It is nice. Great idea and nice way of expressing it
Good luck

have a nice day

[andave_ya]

Nice! It seems really mature, so to speak, and it seems like it should be a song.

[PrinceMyshkin]

If I didn't know that you were thirteen years old, I would say that this is a bloody good poem!

Knowing your age, however, I must say that it is an astonishingly good one. And having written for a good many years myself & having taught Creative Writing, my intuition is that you have got the bug! Both the bug and the talent and that you will surely write more! By all means write for the sheer pleasure of making something good or strong or funny, as well as when you need to get something off your chest, but watch out that you don't sour yourself on the activity by writing & posting things you aren't proud of.

Best wishes,
Jer

[Shurtugal]

you should see the smile beeming on my face. i never thought it was this good. i'll take your advise prince. i'm a total writing fanatic and i'll post, Lord willing, many more poems. maybe even the story i have been writing when the time comes of course. i'm just glad you all liked it. no one, except for my parents and a few random people, really take me serious as writing. the see me as a kid, which i am. but not i'm not a teen who just goes around like every other girl crushing on boys and movie stars and listening to music. yeah, i still am a child but i have been gifted to be able to understand and, which comes in handy, be able to write it down in a flow of words. thanks again so much for your support and i am truelly glad you all liked it and enjoyed it. thanks soooo much.- argetlam

[PrinceMyshkin]

you should see the smile beeming on my face. i never thought it was this good. i'll take your advise prince. i'm a total writing fanatic and i'll post, Lord willing, many more poems. maybe even the story i have been writing when the time comes of course. i'm just glad you all liked it. no one, except for my parents and a few random people, really take me serious as writing. the see me as a kid, which i am. but not i'm not a teen who just goes around like every other girl crushing on boys and movie stars and listening to music. yeah, i still am a child but i have been gifted to be able to understand and, which comes in handy, be able to write it down in a flow of words. thanks again so much for your support and i am truelly glad you all liked it and enjoyed it. thanks soooo much.- argetlam

I don't need to SEE the smile on your face, it shows through pretty clearly in your response here. That people don't take your writing seriously is no doubt a pain in the $s, but there will always be people who need to undermine you in any capacity, even when you're 113. Even though we write because we cannot think of anything that gives us as much joy, we do hope for the appreciation of others. And you will continue to offer your gifts and to be sneered at by some and appreciated by others.

Let me tell you one more thing: you're not only a good writer, you're also quite a lovely person!

How'd you get the name "argetlam"? Is it a scramble of Margaret?

Here's a poem of mine that might be the one that came from deepest within me:

INTIMATIONS


A shiver of something quick
goes through us now and then,
as if
the misaligned heart

were about to fracture under bone
or, far off in outer space,
a silent planet thinned itself
against the dark, unknown.

J. Newman Sudden Proclamations © 1992

Love,
Jer

[greenlake]

if it was a song, what will be the tune? and i want to see more of your work!

[PrinceMyshkin]

I assume the preceding is meant for the host of this thread.

[Enchanted]

It's a great poem...a very ballad-like form...you're right...it would be fantastic as a song!

[Dalisis]

i love this poem good work :-D

[MysticalWriter]

Good use of words, well written! Also, your words are not choppy, but they run smooth. Good Job!

[Shurtugal]

thanks! i'm so happy you all like it. i'll try to put more on when i feel the time is right.