Misfortune Cookies

[kathycf]

I went out to lunch today with my dad, and we ended up at a local Chinese restaurant. After stuffing my face on noodles and spicy stringbeans....of course I looked forward to my fortune cookie.

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h56/kathycf/front_cookie.jpg

When I eagerly cracked it open, I have to say I was a bit disappointed. "When you are riding in front of the herd, check back to make sure the herd is still there." Pfft, what kind of a fortune is that? My dad got "Pay attention....opportunity is knocking at your front door" Um, sure.

Then I thought about this company (can't remember the name off hand) who made nasty fortunes for their fortune cookies.

Yadda yadda yadda...how about we make our own MISfortune cookies. Something splendidly ghoulish, macabre or just plain unfortunate....


Ok here's mine: "Pay attention....the herd you were riding in front of will trample you".

And here's Weird Al Yankovic's:

Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

[Bebbin]

"That wasn't chicken."

[the silent x]

i see a death in your near future, oops, it's yours

[motherhubbard]

my son (who can't read yet) always reads his fortune cookies to us and they always say that he will see a dirty cement mixer today - and he always does.

How about

house guest are coming, your brother is out of work again

[kathycf]

When one door closes, a window slams shut on your fingers.

[RobinHood3000]

"A window of opportunity is opening - watch as the hornet of doom flies in."

"When you ride at the front of the herd, don't trip."

My favorite: "5...4...3...2..."

[ejarg7]

"You have an hour to live and you just wasted 5 seconds reading this."

[Haven]

Is it love or is it pity? Try not to think about it.
[Chino Latino fotune cookie]

[Virgil]

"That wasn't chicken."
:lol: Excellent!!


"Your waistline is growing after such a meal as this."

[quasimodo1]

From "Groundhog Day" "I'll give you a forecast for the winter...it's going to be cold, and grey and last the rest of your life."

[Lote-Tree]

Good fortune for those who write misfortune cookies :-)

Fortune cookie - You shall marry a beautiful Klingon women.

[Pendragon]

"One cannot soar with the eagle when one is surrounded by turkeys." http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Turkey.gif

[kathycf]

Good things come to those who wait...in a different line from you.

[Haven]

Your ability to juggle many tasks will take you far.
[Fortune cookie, 2002-07-29]

[Turk]

"When you broke this cookie, you just freed nation of anthrax from the inside of the cookie".

[kathycf]

Travel is in your future...your foot will be caught in a car bumper.

[Haven]

幸运签饼, 签语饼, 幸运饼, 幸运签语饼, 幸运甜饼, 幸福饼干, 幸运饼干, 幸运饼, 幸运籤语饼, 籤语饼, or 占卜饼

[GrayFoxDown]

If you read this sentence you'll :flare: five seconds after you reach this period.

[amanda_isabel]

by breaking this cookie open, you just burst a pandora's box open.

pffft...

i love the other misfortune cookies...

[ktd222]

today's your lucky day - go play in traffic

[Pendragon]

"This cookie inspected by inspector number 7" http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/CrystalBall.gif

[dramasnot6]

"My Turn"

[nmolive]

always walk with your head held high, just be careful for that pothole!

[Moira]

today's your lucky day - go play in traffic

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[ktd222]

put me back together and win a prize

[dramasnot6]

:lol: nice ones ktd


"Prosperity is in your near future, so why not let loose and give a 30% tip?"

[ktd222]

:lol: nice ones ktd


"Prosperity is in your near future, so why not let loose and give a 30% tip?"

Hi dram. Nice to see ya! Thanks. :D

[the silent x]

scene, a guy opens a fortuen cookie, it reads, "You're pregnant, have fun with a 10 pounder."

[ktd222]

This cookie contains trans fat

[Niamh]

A guy orders sea food in a restaurant. after eating it he opens a fortune cookie. "that sea food you ate is poisoned. Better get you coffin ready"

[Pendragon]

"I'll bet you can't guess what you really just had for lunch!"

"Help! I'm being held prisoner in a Cninese Fortune Cookie Factory!"

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Sushi.gif

[Brigitte]

"Meat is murder."

[Pendragon]

"Our cook does not wash hands before leaving bathroom - set poor example, don't you think?"

"This resturant failed inspection - sorry for inconveience"

"The forture of this cloakie in Engrish (undecipherable words) by persom spreaking only German translated"

"Please to not eat cookie - low on them - we glue back together and reserve. Have nice day!"

[kathycf]

"Today is the last day of the rest of your life."

"Tomorrow you will get up, do some stuff and then go back to sleep..."

[BibliophileTRJ]

I didn't make this up.... it was from the actual fortune cookie I ate last night:

"You will get through this."

What the.......? That's a fortune? Sounds more like condolences.

[RobinHood3000]

"Fortune writer bored. Life has no meaning. Buy more lo mein to console yourself."

[Mortis Anarchy]

This one I got two days ago..."You will run into the love of your life"

WRONG! I ran into my ex boyfriend who I severly wish I had never dated!:flare:

Fortune cookies suck for me at the moment.

[kathycf]

"That Beef Teriyaki you just ate isn't really made from beef...."



I didn't make this up.... it was from the actual fortune cookie I ate last night:

"You will get through this."

What the.......? That's a fortune? Sounds more like condolences.

A lot of them are similiar in that they just sort of "say" stuff and not really give a fortune. One I got a while back said I had a zest for living. What does that tell me about my future!!?? :flare: ... :lol: :p

[BibliophileTRJ]

This one I got two days ago..."You will run into the love of your life"

WRONG! I ran into my ex boyfriend who I severly wish I had never dated!:flare:

Fortune cookies suck for me at the moment.

That one would have been better if it said "You will run OVER the love of your life"

[Mortis Anarchy]

That one would have been better if it said "You will run OVER the love of your life"

YES! Wow, that would be the best. Grr..now I'm angry...I want to say something about a game my brother and I play with fortune cookies, but I'm afraid it might be a little inappropriate...its not horribly bad though...

[kathycf]

I want to say something about a game my brother and I play with fortune cookies, but I'm afraid it might be a little inappropriate...its not horribly bad though...

Inappropriate? Well, the thread is about MISfortune cookies and making up bad, gloomy or macabre "fortunes" so feel free to post...I would love to see your contribution. :)

[Bakiryu]

"There's no meat in the mystery meat"

"Ninjas are sick, come back tomorrow"

"Don't have the fish: it isn't dead YET"

[BibliophileTRJ]

Inappropriate? Well, the thread is about MISfortune cookies and making up bad, gloomy or macabre "fortunes" so feel free to post...I would love to see your contribution. :)

I second that!!! Post it. You've piqued my curiosity.

[Mortis Anarchy]

Err, its not really a fortune though...its a game that you play whenever you open up a fortune cookie and read it. My brother taught it too me...its funny, but I dunno...I might get jumped.:)

[BibliophileTRJ]

Mortis, If you don't want to post it publicly PM me the story.... now you've got me REALLY curious!

[Moira]

Err, its not really a fortune though...its a game that you play whenever you open up a fortune cookie and read it. My brother taught it too me...its funny, but I dunno...I might get jumped.:)
Hey, if it's funny why not share it with us?:D

[Pendragon]

"If I knew future, you think I waste time writing these things?"

"Why I say anything? You do what you want anyway. Go for it, Grasshopper!"

"Remind of a joke. Two Chinese brothers have saki drinking contest..."

"This side up" (Written on both sides....)

"No tipee, losee fingers..."

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Oreintial.gif

[RobinHood3000]

I think Mortis is referring to that game where you add a suffix to the fortune to make it sound considerably more inappropriate.

[weepingforloman]

"In bed" I presume?

But, beyond that, "Don't question the odd taste of your white wine."

[Mortis Anarchy]

I think Mortis is referring to that game where you add a suffix to the fortune to make it sound considerably more inappropriate.

Now I feel rather childish...errr:blush: ...pretty much.:( Thanks guys. I found it hilarious...the results you get. My brother does another one...but I don't remember how it goes...it only works if you are with a group of people.

[RobinHood3000]

Aww, don't feel childish - I wasn't trying to be disparaging. I never said "inappropriate" was "bad." ;)

[Pendragon]

Indeed, Mort. Most of mine cover "childish' rather well, so don't sweat it! Like who else uses these crazy graphics? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/quack.gif

[the silent x]

"drop the weapon and put your back to a wall"

"don't turn around cause i'm watching you and you please me"

[Bakiryu]

"had the sushi? you have 35 minutes to live"

"You'll end up married to your mother-in-law"

"We don't know what the mistery meat is, but isn't it weird we are 3 feet away from an abortion clinic?"

[the silent x]

nice ryu, disgusting but nice

[Bakiryu]

why, thank you! ~I had to use my creative genius sometimes, didn't i?

[weepingforloman]

:sick: You remind me of a kid I know who wrote a song called "A Day at the Abortion Clinic" which featured these lyrics: Feed us, feed us, feed us a fetus, I'll take mine medium rare.

[Bakiryu]

ew, i could never sing that.

[Pendragon]

"enjoy chow mein? we no longer have disgusting rat problem!"

"of course eggs are fresh. 1000 years old. Hah!"

"we wish to thank you. now mice not eat our bonsai. have nice day."

"pay no attention to dog pound truck outside. must make delivery before 5:00"

"if it taste good, why ask about ingredients? just enjoy"

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Wound_bows_2.gif

[weepingforloman]

"No, no, MSG's not dangerous. Don't listen to the experts."

"Yes, the Sweet'n'Sour Rat is made of 100% beef."

[Pendragon]

"Sorry, wrong order. You just ate the dog's supper."

"Hey, Chef! They on to us! Move the catskins to new location, stupid!"

"You think you got problems? Try cooking over hot stove all day for jerks like you!"

"We work hard on meal and you make jokes about contents. Joke this, gaijin!"

"If food not to your liking a barf-bag despenser located under table. Full service, with a smile!"

NOTICE: I ACTUALLY LOVE CHINESE FOOD! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Pain.gif

[RobinHood3000]

Fair enough, Pen, but "gaijin" is a Japanese term! :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Good fortune comes your way - and passes right on by.

[Pendragon]

Fair enough, Pen, but "gaijin" is a Japanese term! :) I never said I spoke Chinese! You understand the words coming out of my mouth? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Wound_bows_2.gif