Can You Make It Out?

[Lote-Tree]

"Do you know why are you here"?
"No. Not really. But I had a fair idea before I left".
"If you knew then why did you come along"?
"I came...I came to see you".
"Have you not acted against your so called Principles!"?
"Yes, I must have. But I had no choice."
"You could have easily refused to come."
"Yes, I could have but I could not let people down by turning down this invitation. I did not know of this - If I did then things would have been different".
"I want to say that I was unaware of this outcome. I assure you with honesty that I did not participate in this undesireable venture."
"Even if you did I cannot blame you. I am a fool!"
"You don't seem to believe me of my innoncence...do you?"
"I believe anything you want me to believe now."
"You seem to be dissapointed with me. I assure I did not take part in this plan. I beg you to believe this simple truth."
"If you did not take part in it why are you asking? I did not mention anything that I am saddened by this outcome...you knew this from the start. Didn't you"?
"Yes...yes. I was aware of this plan but I could not do anything to stop it...and besides...."
"Besides what?"
"I wanted to see you...".

-----------

Can you make it out that there are two people talking?

Did it grab you?

Did I need to identify the two characters?

I have taken inspirations from NickAdams "You opinions matters" :-)

Your comments (if any) welcome :-)

[nps_marina]

Adam and Eve?
(starting Eve)
if it were, it would be kind of romantic and all. Eve feeling guilty, Adam sad about the whole outcome of their being booted out of Eden, but being out with Eve nonetheless, because he want to be with her.

You know the more I think of it, the more I hope it is them, because it's cute.

[motherhubbard]

Lote

It was interesting and I would like to read more. I feel inspired to give dialog a shot myself after reading it. It was very easy to tell that there were two people, but they both talk the same way. They sound like they either grew up in the same house or close to it to have such similar dialect and manner of speaking.

Previous Post makes me wonder if it is Adam and Eve. But then who are the others and why wouldn’t they be able to see each other. So I’m guessing no about that.

[Countess]

"
Can you make it out that there are two people talking?

Did it grab you?

Did I need to identify the two characters?

Your comments (if any) welcome :-)

1. Yes.

2. Yes - very well written. This is my preferred style of dialogue as well.

3. It really depends on the rest of the story. I like to leave clues when I write so people with brains can figure things out on their own (and as a reader, I appreciate it when other writers do the same). However, many people - most people - are cognitively challenged, so you must decide who your audience is: the unwashed masses, or the people on online-literature (LOL!). If the latter, then you can rest assured as you unravel your tale everyone will have an epiphany at one point or another (because this site is best-of-breed in my opinion). If the former, don't confuse the poor dears. Speak plainly.

[Lote-Tree]

Lote
It was interesting and I would like to read more.


Thanks Motherhubbard :-)



I feel inspired to give dialog a shot myself after reading it.


Go for it. I was inspired by NickAdams so it's your turn. Look forward to reading it :-)



It was very easy to tell that there were two people, but they both talk the same way. They sound like they either grew up in the same house or close to it to have such similar dialect and manner of speaking.


That's very good analysis :-)



3. It really depends on the rest of the story. I like to leave clues when I write so people with brains can figure things out on their own (and as a reader, I appreciate it when other writers do the same). However, many people - most people - are cognitively challenged, so you must decide who your audience is: the unwashed masses, or the people on online-literature (LOL!). If the latter, then you can rest assured as you unravel your tale everyone will have an epiphany at one point or another (because this site is best-of-breed in my opinion). If the former, don't confuse the poor dears. Speak plainly.

Thanks Countess for the advice. I was checking if it is possible without saying "He said this" or "she said that" to identify who is speaking at given moment - that a dialog can proceed on it's own without the additionals.


You know the more I think of it, the more I hope it is them, because it's cute.

LOL :-) Thanks :-)

[NickAdams]

I was checking if it is possible without saying "He said this" or "she said that" to identify who is speaking at given moment - that a dialog can proceed on it's own without the additionals.

I have been thinking a lot about tags and its pretension. I think it's fine for first-person narrative, but for third person limited it says more about the author than the characters. To say he said, she said, the American said or the cook said, establishes the authors view on identity and reality. While reading Faulkner, I've became interested in they, the other, and one said.

I think this might be the evolution of literature: Epistemology and the narrator.

Your dialogue:
I like that you hint at motives, which makes a statement about their characters.

I don't see it as Adam and Eve, because one character mentions not wanting to let people down- if their are characters at all. I think this is a dialogue between Judas and I'm not sure of the other. Why do I think Judas? The A&E thing influenced a Biblical leaning and a lot of references are religious.

If it is Judas I think it's a strong piece about free will. If you expanded it, I think a good finally would be to reveal their identities in the style of The house of Asterion.

[Turk]

Of course i realized two people talking because you already said it. :lol:

Well, if you gonna put this on a book try to start with something like "The man with black robe looked to the newcomer's face, looked into his eyes with mysterious glance; started to talk;".

Then it's better. Though it's my style; and my point of view. In fact i think readers lose their attention very oftenly when it comes this kind of dialogs and have to re-read it.

[NickAdams]

Well, if you gonna put this on a book try to start with something like "The man with black robe looked to the newcomer's face, looked into his eyes with mysterious glance; started to talk;".

Then it's better. Though it's my style; and my point of view. In fact i think readers lose their attention very oftenly when it comes this kind of dialogs and have to re-read it.

I think it makes it worth the second read, although breaks for description of place might add to it.

Do you plan on expanding Lote-Tree?

[Countess]

I never use the word "said". It's like a variation on the verb "to be": cliche.

[NickAdams]

I never use the word "said". It's like a variation on the verb "to be": cliche.

Are you an exclaimed, yelled, whispered kind of person?

I think this is where the play excels: "No tags, no problem."

[Lote-Tree]

I like that you hint at motives, which makes a statement about their characters.


Thanks. I was thinking about bringing about the characteristics of the characters via dialogs instead of giving a description of the characteristics.




Well, if you gonna put this on a book try to start with something like "The man with black robe looked to the newcomer's face, looked into his eyes with mysterious glance; started to talk;".


You have spent a lot of description on the character. Can you bring that out in a dialog? :-)



Do you plan on expanding Lote-Tree?

I am thinking about it :-)

[Turk]

You have spent a lot of description on the character. Can you bring that out in a dialog? :-)


Yes of course it's very easy, you can do that like this;

"Do you know why are you here"?
"No. Not really. But I had a fair idea before I left".

WRONG

"Do you know why are you here newcomer"?
"No. Not really the man in the black robe. But i had a fair idea before i left".

RIGHT

See, it's very easy.

[motherhubbard]

Yes of course it's very easy, you can do that like this;

"Do you know why are you here"?
"No. Not really. But I had a fair idea before I left".

WRONG

"Do you know why are you here newcomer"?
"No. Not really the man in the black robe. But i had a fair idea before i left".

RIGHT

See, it's very easy.


I see what you are saying, but it really doesn't sound right. I can se someone calling someone else newcomer, or oldtimer or friend, but little red riding hood is the only person I can think of that was called by her clothing.

[kandaurov]

Sometimes I also like not to use tags, but I do use the verb 'to say' in tags. Sometimes a character doesn't want to express anything, no hidden feeling or intention, other than the actual words it says, and to add 'he said' is by no means vulgar. If we always use verbs which imply feeling, intonation or second intentions, doesn't the dialog become overwrought?

I do like your not mentioning the characters, Keats' "negative capability". And it's very well written :) I'd only suggest coherence concerning abbreviations: you should opt between using them at all times or not using them at all.

[Lote-Tree]

Yes of course it's very easy, you can do that like this;

"Do you know why are you here"?
"No. Not really. But I had a fair idea before I left".

WRONG

"Do you know why are you here newcomer"?
"No. Not really the man in the black robe. But i had a fair idea before i left".

RIGHT

See, it's very easy.

As motherhubbard pointed out - it does not sound right ;-)



Sometimes a character doesn't want to express anything, no hidden feeling or intention, other than the actual words it says....


Yes very much.



, and to add 'he said' is by no means vulgar.


Yes. Not always. It is very much required.



If we always use verbs which imply feeling, intonation or second intentions, doesn't the dialog become overwrought?


Yes. I guess so.



I do like your not mentioning the characters, Keats' "negative capability". And it's very well written :)


Thanks :-)



I'd only suggest coherence concerning abbreviations: you should opt between using them at all times or not using them at all.

You mean not to use "He said" "she said" at all?

That might be difficult...

[Turk]

Well, it was a joke actually. Thinking two people calling each other with words which defines each other's specialities. ;):D

[kandaurov]

You mean not to use "He said" "she said" at all?

That might be difficult...

No no, I actually meant that it would be more coherent either to use the contractions ("didn't" for "did not", "I'm" for "I am") or not to use them. But never mind, that's a mere technicality ;)

[Lote-Tree]

No no, I actually meant that it would be more coherent either to use the contractions ("didn't" for "did not", "I'm" for "I am") or not to use them. But never mind, that's a mere technicality ;)

Ah I see :-)

Thanks
Regards,
Lote.

[NickAdams]

You mean not to use "He said" "she said" at all?

That might be difficult...


Tried it: failed.:bawling:

It can work on something like Plato's dialogues, but I don't see another option.
They're useful for creating rhythm and variation. They're a good tool, but not to over use. I'm going to go back to the story- it has promise. The experiment was good at flushing the story out. I might use it again just for exploring on first drafts.

[New Secret]

It's not too difficult to see this dialogue is with two people who have gotten together for an undesirable task of some sort. Person 2 showed up against their original plans for the chance to be with Person 1. What are they about to do? Nicely written dialogue. Makes you interested in finding out what happens next.