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NickAdams
06-01-2007, 09:40 AM
I wrote this poem when I was sixteen and my younger brother was in love with it; I credit that to its simplicity. Let me know what you think.


The Wooden Boy

Do not distress my Dear,
for you can never bring me harm.
Tonight I shed these splinters
and move towards guiding stars.

Today you've pulled a string,
without a beating heart.
As the curtain's called,
you vanish into the dark.

And if we're to regret,
regret what we now know:
An innocent wooden boy should never leave his home ...

Pendragon
06-01-2007, 10:06 AM
Maybe I am simple too, Nick, but I like it. Put "beating" instead of "beat",
and that last line as "An innocent wooden boy should never leave his home..." and it is hauntingly beautiful. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Bravo.gif

NickAdams
06-01-2007, 10:26 AM
Pendragon,

The first was a typo. I like your suggestion for the second. Thanks.