I want an early death

[aashishameya]

Days are long, nights sleepless
Moon fatigued, sun vanishes
Eyes dried, tears toxic
Impotent soil, hopeless seeds
Guns are blooming
Love like fungus in the grain,
Relationship smells bad
Hatred is like an epidemic
Earth is the garbage of cosmos

I want an early death.

[Reccura]

Wow, why'd you want to die? (kidding)

The poem's nice... But I don't think this line should be in the poem:

"Relationship smells bad"

It doesn't match with the poem.

[aashishameya]

thank u very much for suggestion, i will think of it

[Pendragon]

Actually, I see where you are coming from with "Relationship smells bad" since you compare things to garbage. A better line might be "Relationship gone rancid". That gives the same comparison, but tells the reader that your relationship is destroyed, that is why it is "rancid" or "smells". Good luck! You are quite prolific. I look for a longer work from you!

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Bravo.gif

[aashishameya]

thanks dear friend....ur comment help me a lot