I left home to meet a poet

[aashishameya]

left home to meet a poet
Downstairs an old woman smiled and greeted
Blooming flowers waved to me
And in the street
Sun walking with school going kids
Though, kids were ahead of sun
A sweet sparrow was
About to leave for day’s work
My heart pound little bit
A lock with lip-lock was hanging at poet’s home
I came back home with handful of poems

[Pendragon]

Cute. One change possibly.



left home to meet a poet
Downstairs an old woman smiled and greeted
Blooming flowers waved to me
And in the street
Sun walking with school going kids
Though, kids were ahead of sun
A sweet sparrow was
About to leave for day’s work
My heart pound little bit
A lock with lip-lock was hanging at poet’s home
I came back home with handful of poems


The highlighted line try changing thus: The door was lip-locked at the poet's home. The way you have it has a redundant repetition of the word "lock". I like the poem! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

[blp]

Very beautiful. You're English is by no means perfect, but that adds to the beauty.

[Scheherazade]

Very beautiful. You're English is by no means perfect, but that adds to the beauty.Is this supposed to be ironic?

:D

[blp]

You give me too much credit. :rolleyes:

[aashishameya]

thank u all for comments...