The First Day of Preschool

[motherhubbard]

We started with our normal routine
up at six, dressed and fed
At seven thirty we’re on our way.
But, today was different.

For four years you’ve been my daily companion.
You’ve helped me load the breakfast dishes and
found where I set down my coffee.
Together we’ve carried on with the matters of the day.

Alone, I cleaned up our breakfast and worked through the house.
When I made the bed I folded your Spider Man blanket.
Today, I will not read the story just one more time
and you will not nap next to me.

Today you grew up more than I am ready.
Now your world reaches beyond me.
You gained a life that I am not a part of
and had experiences that we do not share.

We can never regain yesterday
And things will be very different after today
It is the first day of preschool.
I am lonely and ready for story time.

[symphony]

The simplicity of this poem is captivating. It flows with an ease so honest and unadorned that its clear it comes from within, no attempt at embellishing or anything. Nice work, mother, I m touched(i'm a daughter too, myself! ;) )

[Pendragon]

Yes. A dad, myself, my first child was a girl, and I remember her first day of school like it was yesterday. She'll turn 20 June 1st. Excellent simple poem that says a lot! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Baby.gif

[motherhubbard]

Thanks Symphony and Pen. I appreciate your comments. It makes me feel so vulnerable to share something here. I'm still kind of testing the water before I get too personal. I would appreciate any constructive criticism. I changed this so that it would be symmetrical just for you Pen!

[Pendragon]

I changed this so that it would be symmetrical just for you Pen!Goodness, Mother H! I totally appreciate it, but only change a poem for yourself, if YOU believe if will improve the poem. I expect people to tear my own works to shreds when I submit, and I don't expect everyone to agree with me. If you believe you poem to be fine the way it is, don't let me or anyone else change it for you. But you have a winner here, I really believe that. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

[motherhubbard]

that means a lot coming from you

[blp]

Very simple and surprisingly moving.

[Bii]

Hi Motherhubbard - this is a poinant and emotive poem, straight from the heart and very touching. The emotion is quite raw, and comes across wonderfully. This poem will certainly speak to any parents out there (including myself), and perhaps give the younger members of the forum a different perspective of how their parents feel.

If I had any advice to give on this it would be to review how you've puncuated the poem to make sure it reads the way you want it too. I ended up ignoring the punctuation and letting it flow to see how the rhythm worked. So, for example, I'd punctuate stanza 1 as follows (but bear in mind this is just what works for me, and you might decide to approach it totally differently):

Original version:

We started with our normal routine
up at six, dressed and fed
At seven thirty we’re on our way.
But, today was different.

Edited version

We started with our normal routine;
up at six, dressed and fed.
At seven thirty we’re on our way;
but today was different.

I'll admit punctuation isn't my strongest point, but it does seem to be fairly crucial when it comes to written poetry. Try reading it out to yourself, and seeing where the natural breaks lie; or writing it as a paragraph to see if you'd approach it differently that way.

In essence it doesn't detract from the poem, which is lovely, but if you were looking to submit to publishing or a competition then it would count.

Hope this helps.

[motherhubbard]

Bii, I so appreciate your advice. Thank you. I know that I am weak when it comes to punctuation. For the most part I try to ignore it because it gives me so much anxiety. It’s those pesky commas!

I’m going to take a deep breath, face my fears and work on that punctuation.

Thanks again!

[Bii]

Ho motherhubbard - glad I could help! I too hate punctuation (who invented the semi-colon?!) so it's something I always struggle with too. Have you read 'Eats shoots and leaves' by Lynne Truss? It's a really accessible guide to punctuation, and a pretty amusing read too. I keep having to go back to it 'cos somehow my brain just can't seem to retain it! Good luck with the poetry.

[motherhubbard]

I have finally had some time without the kids to think and look at this again. Let me know if this looks better to you. I do appreciate the good advice.

The First Day of Preschool


We started with our normal routine;
up at six, dressed and fed.
At seven thirty we’re on our way,
but today was different.

For four years you’ve been my daily companion.
You’ve helped me load the breakfast dishes,
and found where I set down my coffee.
Together we’ve carried on with the matters of the day.

Alone, I cleaned up our breakfast, and worked through the house.
When I made the bed I folded your Spider Man blanket.
Today I will not read the story just one more time,
and you will not nap next to me.

Today you grew up more than I am ready.
Now your world reaches beyond me.
You gained a life that I am not a part of,
and had experiences that we do not share.

We can never regain yesterday,
and things will be very different after today.
It is the first day of preschool.
I am lonely and ready for story time.

[Bii]

Hi motherhubbard - I think it's beautifully done - a lovely well thought out poem you should be proud of.