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View Full Version : The Polluted Waters



Sani
05-25-2007, 09:47 AM
Polluted....

By those people that want to destroy you,
By those people that wish you wern't there,
By those people that create the illusion,
That they love you, that they care.

Touched by a soul that seemed so pure,
Buit was no defferent, same as the rest.
Hoped would change you, make you conform,
and instead instigated helplessness & unrest.

The power of insinuation, of thought, of all pretense,
Can mould a heart into a murderer or saint.
How 'will' is so very important, and why do we submit?
Because we tolerate, we adjust, and are taught it is for the best.

But when we break out, catastrophy occurs-
And the dream is lost, and just sleep is yearned.
Because betrayal & cruelty have a power unique-
That can kill the helpless spirit & unleashe the demon within.

Pendragon
05-25-2007, 11:39 AM
Technically sound, but bland. I don't really feel the poem.

Sani
05-25-2007, 01:09 PM
Technically sound, but bland. I don't really feel the poem.

Yes Pendraon, i think you are right. Im trying to fit too much into a poem.

Next time, im going to go for succinct.

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