Facade

[Sani]

Anger ensues when the girl that comes between a man and wife spills her pestilence, for her own gain.

Seemingly, she is humble, she is devoted, she is integral, she is true.

Yet in her element, is this force that destroys.

She stirs the dish, pours in the jealousy, a pinch of hate, forming only an illusion.

At others despair, she is joyous, behind the mask she wears.

She destroys, she is wicked, she is intentionally cruel.

She sings with great harmony, great power, and great soul.

But, like a hurricane, she spoils the soil.

[Pendragon]

I read lines, but not cohesion that would make it a poem. Sorry, I may be missing something, but I don't get this one.

[Sani]

Im glad you said that Sir. Pendragon, it is a little messy. I'm no poet, i just had a go for the first time today *blushes* but looking over it again, i can see how it made sense to me, and not to an outside reader....

Its about 2girls and a guy. Girl no1 (singer who is seemingly true hearted) is trying to come between girl no2 & the guy...

Girl no.2 is the voice in this poem and as a result "Anger is ensued...". Everything the malicious girl comes into contact with is destroyed, tainted....

x

[Sani]

Im glad you said that Sir. Pendragon, it is a little messy. I'm no poet, i just had a go for the first time today *blushes* but looking over it again, i can see how it made sense to me, and not to an outside reader.... lesson learnt!

Its about 2girls and a guy. Girl no1 (singer who is seemingly true hearted) is trying to come between girl no2 & the guy...

Girl no.2 is the voice in this poem and as a result "Anger is ensued...". Everything the malicious girl comes into contact with is destroyed, tainted....

x

[motherhubbard]

I got it, but I think maybe you are not giving it enough. Like you were quickly spilling something out, but not all of it. I maybe think you are leaving out the guy's part in the situation. I see how it touches both girls. The last line was very clear and descriptive to me.

[Sani]

Thankyou Mother H - they guy -he was a total looser!

x

[blp]

Well, I like it. I like the double spacing and the way it rushes at you. Don't be so sure you're not a poet.

The word you want in your last post is 'loser'. 'Looser' is pronounced with a soft 's' and just means 'more loose'. Sorry, it's not just you. Everyone seems to make that mistake. I'm on a mission!

[Pendragon]

You inspired me, Sani, with your storyline. Now, I give you the chance to criticize me. Your storyline, my poem. And do not be afraid to say the truth. I have been criticized by experts, believe me!

Triangle II

There is a line of demarcation
Where the surf flirts shamelessly
With the golden reclining beach.
He brings her tokens to mark his love;
Here a perfect whelk shell,
There a picturesque weathered bit of driftwood,
Finally a golden ring from a forgotten treasure ship…

But other eyes are watching, and they are jealous,
Lightning flares as their anger grows.
The tsunami swells to his greatest height and power,
He shall have maiden fair if he must take her by force.
He rushes upon them without warning:
(Golden ring, bah—he’ll bring the whole ship!)
The surf goes flying; the beach cannot bear his passion,
He leaves her wounded and scarred…
Alone…

But the surf comes back, and gently caresses her,
Even scarred as she is, he loves her still.
All cannot be undone in a moment—
But they have all the time in the world to rebuild…
And softly he begins to help her heal…

Pendragon
© 5/28/07

[Sani]

lols.
Nothing more attractive then a man on a good mission. (Unluess your not a man lols):)

[Sani]

"And softly he begins to help her heal" - i liked the ending.... probably the most powerful moment in the poem.... And was a good risk to take with such vivid description... especially the "Tsunami" - i have a personal attatchemnt to natural imagary - that was cool.

Why is it called Triangle ?

Look forward to reading more of your stuff.

[Outlander]

Sani...wear black and play bongos...It's perfect for that. :)

[Sani]

*lost*
Wear black and play bongo's???????

[Riesa]

I think that's some sort of beatnik activity and mode of dressing..at least that's what I imagine...some smoky cafe, east village, 1950 something. woman dressed in black lamenting, spitting poetry. :D


I like this poem, the phrasing, the slight rhymes. it's forceful. each line builds to the final...like a hurricane.

[Sani]

Ere with Caution

If you look deep within,
You will find a secret place,
Clutched together are continents of emotions,
A tapestry of the soul, pigments of Him.

But one must not forget to know,
That in fear - boundaries bring woe.
That the world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon,
And that boundries don't keep them out, but fence you in!

[Sani]

Not Looking Back

Once upon a different time, she fell for a facade that now lingers in her mind.
That place was wonderful, perfect, one might say,
Until the ghosts and goblins came out to play.

People turned their backs and spat in her face,
With their rank and position and envy and hate....

Until she returned onto her original path,
And then finally, she seriously, kicked some a*s!

[SleepyWitch]

Well, I like it. I like the double spacing and the way it rushes at you. Don't be so sure you're not a poet.

The word you want in your last post is 'loser'. 'Looser' is pronounced with a soft 's' and just means 'more loose'. Sorry, it's not just you. Everyone seems to make that mistake. I'm on a mission!

nope not everyone, only native speakers :D

Sani, I like the ideas expressed in your first poem, but the phrasing is a bit too straighforward for my liking sometimes, e.g. "wicked" "intentionally cruel", "behind the mask she wears"...

but don't let that discourage you :) it's probably only my personal taste and others will love your poem

[Sani]

lols - thankyou Sleepywitch, i do kinda agree with you - its very stale and dry - lets hope my 5th cup of coffee will finally sapark more creative genius cells... either that, or help grow so more....LOLS;)

I love your signature btw.... next books is out this month - The Deathly Hallows - and i wonder which 2 characters will die.... my friends have made a wager see - that it will be either harry and voldemort..... ron and hermione..... and we also think mcgonagall is going to turn a lil Umbridge on us, since she started calling harry "Potter" at the end of the last book....

:thumbs_up

[SleepyWitch]

lols - thankyou Sleepywitch, i do kinda agree with you - its very stale and dry - lets hope my 5th cup of coffee will finally sapark more creative genius cells... either that, or help grow so more....LOLS;)

I love your signature btw.... next books is out this month - The Deathly Hallows - and i wonder which 2 characters will die.... my friends have made a wager see - that it will be either harry and voldemort..... ron and hermione..... and we also think mcgonagall is going to turn a lil Umbridge on us, since she started calling harry "Potter" at the end of the last book....

:thumbs_up

what it's out this month? i thought it was in July? I've preordered it from amazon UK.
yes, I noticed McG turned a bit nasty... she's one of my fave characters, I hope she won't turn out to be evil or something :bawling:

hey, you're from Wolverhampton? i lived in "Cov" for a year in 2004.. never managed to visit Wolverhampton, though. ey mate, you woonna ave a spah fag on ya woodya? ;)

[Sani]

"Ave a spah fag on ya woodya" - lols my friend, you will have to translate this for meh....

So sowie - its 1st june today, not july - darn! A month... too longs, the torture, the dismay.... but unusually, i don't think i want to read it either, because, it'll be the last one in the set..... what did u think of the movies?

So you like Phillip Roth? I just read The Human Stain, and this yr we are going to be studying Portnams Key.... Roth is brill! My lecturer, he too adopted Roth's neat anti-grande-narritive style - and published a book called "kiss Me Softly, Amy Turtle" - im about half way through, but it is a BRILLLIANT story so far... well funny if u understand all the allusions etc....

;)

[Pendragon]

I'm sorry, so rude of me, Sani. You asked why I called my poem Triangle II. When there are two lovers in love with the same person, this makes three points of reference. The lines that connect them are your triangle. It is number 2, because I already wrote one about this subject, but this one has gone through editing, as I posted it for comments. You were my inspiration with your explanition of your first poem. For that, I am in your debt.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/FairyMoon.gif

[Sani]

For PD

Words are, too often a source,
Of hate and remorse, of bitterness the most coarse.

But behold - The Pendragon - who had a flame like no other before,
Not the fire of a dragon, but the sweet soul of a Trombone.

Behind his exterior, there is only inspiration,
And as he is the Pendragon, there is a sincere declaration:

That each person is a poet, in his or her own way,
And criticism, or a challenge, will help her each day!

x

[Sani]

Thankyou for the explanation of "triangle" Pendragon. Seems so obvious now, love-triangle.

x

[Pendragon]

For PD

Words are, too often a source,
Of hate and remorse, of bitterness the most coarse.

But behold - The Pendragon - who had a flame like no other before,
Not the fire of a dragon, but the sweet soul of a Trombone.

Behind his exterior, there is only inspiration,
And as he is the Pendragon, there is a sincere declaration:

That each person is a poet, in his or her own way,
And criticism, or a challenge, will help her each day!

xMy dear, I couldn't give you any less. Thank you. I shall keep your kind words. They mean more than you may ever know.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/GuyinCar.gif

Pen