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Laporis
05-24-2007, 04:33 PM
If you didn't get the meaning, I can explain just ask first if you don't understand and then I'll explain and the you rate it! ;) If you get the meaning comments and critiqs are very well welcome! :D This one I wrote it in english, it's not a translation

The other side of the World

Let me crawl in the mud
That is brown to match,
Your hair and my world,
Don't say a sentence
Don't say a word!
Your lips throw flowers
To my diamond heart...
I just want to be happy,
I just want to be free,
I want to walk away
And don't return here.
Life, my beloved husband
Is more cruel than we dreamt
More funny than we felt.
It takes so long to leave
To take the path of happiness
But we must feel
The ray of light
At the end of our dreams
We need a long bright
Road, that'll bring me to you...

Pendragon
05-25-2007, 01:08 PM
It is good, but you have a couple of real clichés in there “Silence is golden”, “The ray of light At the end of the tunnel”, etc. They might hurt your poem. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

Laporis
05-26-2007, 06:06 AM
I edited it :D

PS: Thanks ;)

Pendragon
05-26-2007, 10:13 AM
Nice. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

NikolaiI
02-08-2015, 06:36 PM
After Pen's suggested revisions - the only one I've seen - very nice!! :-)