Why The Moon Has Phases

[jon1jt]

O computer

[SleepyWitch]

i like it, jon. especially these lines


I sat on a cold hay pile in a doorless barn waiting for her
to smile from the light of the sun. But today's orbit pressed
on my eyes like silver half dollars and separated me from
what I nearly loved.

[Virgil]

Jon, this is excellent! What a fine poem. All the lines are fine, but let me highlight this stanza:

So we buried poems between our lips, sweet and damp;
of eyes imbued with immense emptiness missed
like anemones a weightlessness of perceptible silence,
her tender lake-wind's riffling still water laughter.
I have to say that this woman you keep writing poems about must be some doll. :) You must be smitten. :p

With Riesa missing around here I think you have surplanted her as lit net poet laureate. Where has Riesa been lately? ;)

[Riesa]

oh, I'm around Virg. :p

I enjoyed this one too, jt.


A warm draft across this land of bones
and vacant grass for her earthshine sheath steered the tide--
dipping salt-born hooks into fading lines

you whip those words like a lion-tamer and make them behave! :p :thumbs_up

[Virgil]

oh, I'm around Virg. :p

I enjoyed this one too, jt.



you whip those words like a lion-tamer and make them behave! :p :thumbs_up

Holy smoke!!:lol: I haven't seen you in a while and I make that stupid little comment and poooph you appear out of nowhere. :lol: You must be a genie or something. Nice to see you Riesa. :)

[symphony]

I'm no great litterateur, but I must say I found it really good. Esp. these parts-


Veering across the Interstate I didn’t know her favorite color.
So we buried poems between our lips, sweet and damp;
of eyes imbued with immense emptiness missed
like anemones a weightlessness of perceptible silence,
her tender lake-wind's riffling still water laughter.

I sat on a cold hay pile in a doorless barn waiting for her
to smile from the light of the sun. But today's orbit pressed
on my eyes like silver half dollars and separated me from
what I nearly loved.

...the moon nearby, peeking.

oh and this line in the middle of the poem caught me offguard and i found it echoing later on in my ears :D -
"I rolled into a childhood where speech was impossible."
Thats a great one. Cheers! :thumbs_up

[Virgil]

oh and this line in the middle of the poem caught me offguard and i found it echoing later on in my ears :D -
"I rolled into a childhood where speech was impossible."
Thats a great one. Cheers! :thumbs_up

You know I glossed over that line on my initial reading. It is quite good and interesting. Perhaps the core of the poem. Good pick up Symphony. :thumbs_up

[Countess]

I liked it too. Good job, Jon1jt. -- C

[jon1jt]

Jon, this is excellent! What a fine poem. All the lines are fine, but let me highlight this stanza:

I have to say that this woman you keep writing poems about must be some doll. :) You must be smitten. :p

With Riesa missing around here I think you have surplanted her as lit net poet laureate. Where has Riesa been lately? ;)


hey, 'smitten' provides damn good inspiration sometimes!! ;)

Riesa's around still. i havent seen her post a poem lately, but i know her haiku gets the ancient masters whispering 'ahhh' in their graves. :p

thanks everybody for reading this one.

[Pendragon]

I think it's that last little line that makes the poem for me. There's something about that simple
...the moon nearby, peeking. that sends the whole poem into a surrealistic mode, maybe forbidden love, or a lover who isn't what they seem when moonlight reveals them, it's darn good poetry, I don't neeed to translate it! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

[jon1jt]

I think it's that last little line that makes the poem for me. There's something about that simple that sends the whole poem into a surrealistic mode, maybe forbidden love, or a lover who isn't what they seem when moonlight reveals them, it's darn good poetry, I don't neeed to translate it! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/ThumbsUp.gif

and that line came to me only after the sixth edit or so. :lol: thanks, pendragon.

[NikolaiI]

Mr. jt - I hope you won't mind me posting here since you deleted the poem - but parts of it are quoted, and it's very nice!