Two runners (update)

[blp]

Two runners ran
in opposite directions
on opposing sides
of a quiet street

Two runners running

away from one another
on a residential street


I passed both
cycling
facing then not
facing one
going in the same direction as the other

through the trees
to the cross street

[ktd222]

It’s a nice poem, blp. I really do lose all sense of direction towards the poem’s end, as I also do lose track of identifying which runner you are speaking of when “cycling/facing then not/facing one/going in the same direction as the other”. The image is rich, yet the characters in the image are vague, just as the direction itself became indistinguishable. I don’t understand the last stanza, though.

[blp]

I've done another version without the last stanza. Someone else asked me why I'd put it in the other day and I was trying to remember, but I can't. Just seemed like a good idea at the time and...wasn't.

It should be possible to work out which runner I'm talking about. Older versions were even more confusing and a lot of the word choices were about the (slightly arbitrary) business of trying to work out what was the 'right' way to convert the spatial experience into language.

I'll go get the newer version and add it below.

[blp]

Two runners ran
in opposite directions
on a quiet street

Two runners running
in differing directions
on opposing sides
of a quiet street

runners running
away from one another
on a residential street

I passed both
cycling
facing then
not facing one
moving in the same direction as the other

There was no third direction
for me to cycle in

[ktd222]

quick question: why was there originally a double space between stanza 3 and 4 of draft one?

[white camellia]

Two runners ran
in opposite directions
on opposing sides
of a quiet street

Two runners running

away from one another
in opposite directions
on opposing sides
of a quiet street


I passed both

facing one
moving in the opposite direction
facing the other
moving in the opposite direction

There was no third direction
for me to cycle in

[blp]

ktd, I don't know why I did that either. Sorry.

Camellia, your version is good and makes me want to go back to the opposite/opposing thing, but you're wrong about the second runner - I was going in his direction.


Two runners ran
in opposite directions
on opposing sides
of a quiet street

Two runners running

away from one another
in opposite directions
on opposing sides
of a quiet street

I passed both

facing one
going in the same direction as the other

There was no third direction
for me to cycle in

[white camellia]

Yes, blp, I just 'manipulated' the original concept, and tried to change it for the last stanza.

[white camellia]

After trying both directions, the conclusion was reached: 'there was no third direction for me'.
I interpret that space between the two stanzas as a pause between two scenes.

[white camellia]

Like a translation of fidelity or...infidelity.

[jon1jt]

through the trees
to the cross street

c'mon, blp, you have to give me a little something i can chew! :) i'm still not convinced with the last two lines. so the runner gets to the cross street. the end. what the ****? :)

[white camellia]

i'm still not convinced with the last two lines.
Why not, Jon?

[jon1jt]

Why not, Jon?


they come off as arbitrary, too arbitrary even.

[ktd222]

Two runners ran
in opposite directions
on opposing sides
of a quiet street

Two runners running

away from one another
on a residential street


I passed both
cycling
facing then not
facing one
going in the same direction as the other

through the trees
to the cross street


It’s a nice idea; I still can’t distinguish “runners” from “one” and “another,” or “other.” There is not even a “his/her” to identify the runners. I’m confused. I’m trying to take what’s known in the fourth stanza and identify which runner you are connecting to in the beginning of the poem. I can’t.

[blp]

jon, the cross street bit's gone from subsequent versions anyway, but it was sort of saying the 'no third direction' bit in a different way. At that point, the system of the street, creating the pattern of movement, is broken. end.

ktd, if I pass one facing then not facing him/her, s/he's coming towards me. The second one is further away, moving away from me, with back to me, until I pass him/her. I'm not sure what you mean about connecting to a runner at the beginning. The beginning just refers to 'two runners' doesn't it?

[blp]

After trying both directions, the conclusion was reached: 'there was no third direction for me'.


OK, I see what you're getting at. It's funny. Irritating, but funny. Funny because it's irritating.

[ktd222]

ktd, if I pass one facing then not facing him/her, s/he's coming towards me. The second one is further away, moving away from me, with back to me, until I pass him/her. I'm not sure what you mean about connecting to a runner at the beginning. The beginning just refers to 'two runners' doesn't it?

I get all that; I got all that from the first reading; but this doesn’t help me identify which runner you are speaking of when you speak of the “two runners” in the first couple stanzas of your poem. There is disconnect for me between the first three stanzas and the last two stanzas, then. Your poem could have well just started from the fourth stanza. Reading the fourth stanza I can’t figure out which “runner” you are identifying. Although you’ve distinguished “faces,” to an "one" and an "other," this doesn't necessarily help me identify which "runner" you are speaking of from the first three stanzas.

[blp]

Sorry ktd, I still don't understand your confusion. If I say 'two runners' I'm obviously talking about both runners, not referring to one in particular.

[ktd222]

Sorry ktd, I still don't understand your confusion. If I say 'two runners' I'm obviously talking about both runners, not referring to one in particular.

It's ok. But you've not distinguished between which runner you are talking about in the bottom of your poem.

Is this what you’re saying:

I passed both runners
cycling
facing one runner then not
facing one runner
going in the same direction as the other runner

I’m still left wondering which runner it is you are going in the same direction as…the other runner?

[blp]

I think so. I can see my wording's a little hard to follow there. The point is that I'm always going in the same direction as the 'other' runner, but I begin by facing the 'one' and then, as I pass, I'm not facing him/her anymore.

This is helpful. Still mulling it over. In a lot of ways, the whole poem's about exactly this, an attempt to convert the spatial experience into language.