Just an ordinary 'love' poem

[Koa]

(I wonder when I got this patehtic... :D) *looks for blushing smiley and doesnt find it*
(amuse might have alreayd seen this somewhere ;))


I look through the window
I don't see you
- you're not there.
I see only water, only rain
only your shadow
on my heart
and as always
only fog
on my life
- I close the window
and sit in the darkness
I think of you
And waste my time this way.

When you look**
You don't see me
I'm like a cloud, like wind:
I'm nothing.

It was night, it was raining
You were looking at the square*
I was looking at you...
Nothing happened...
Nothing ever moves...

You go on
you walk on, you're alive
and I
I'll die
in loneliness
silently, forgotten
I'll simply die.

11th April 2004



* does it sound correct? as in square like place in the city, not a geometrical shape...
** look or watch?

[fayefaye]

koa, I like it how it is. Leave it. :) [yes, did understand the square thing] And that definately IS poetry, so don't be so hard on you're creativity, you're better than you think. :)

[amuse]

Yes, She Is.
*go Koa, go Koa

[Koa]

do you reaaaaly thiiink soooo? i feel it'sooo boooring :D
thanks a lot, i'm really touched...:(

[fayefaye]

*highlighting favourite bits*


Originally posted by Koa
I see only water, only rain
only your shadow
on my heart
and as always
only fog
on my life

It was night, it was raining
You were looking at the square*
I was looking at you...
Nothing happened...
Nothing ever moves...

[Koa]

thanks... *blushes* I don't like the rain-shadow-heart-fog bit, that's so ordinary it makes me want to scream...
I indeed am very fond of the night-square bit, cos I summed up a very deep moment in 5 lines... which i an improvement as i usually write pages and pages on every little thing... And I guess also that it's a quite effective bit...maybe it's because it's me who lived it, but it seems to show his indifference so well...

[amuse]

in those five lines, my favorites are
I was looking at you...
Nothing happened...
it's so cool to read that "moment" of realization (for example, i always want to see the exact moment in a film when a character falls in love); you captured that one elusive second in time perfectly.

[emily655321]

I know! I love that too. Funny how that moment has been described so many other times as, "trumpet fanfare from heaven" or "bells and alarms" or things like that, and even "the earth stood still," but your "Nothing happened" is more acute and passionate than any of them. And the only one I've heard that describes it accurately at all, actually. Yay! :D

[Koa]

Yeah cool...you got it :) i got it too...I mean that's it, thats what I wanted to say...that nothing happened. As usual.

Yeah Emily you know...well I dont know about trumpets of heavens and stuff like that, but what happened to me was...nothing...so...

[rant moment] I mean, for a 'normal' girl that moment would have been different... She would have looked at him and then DONE something... well for most girls, probably it would have been the guy to do the first step... But this is me, and I'm too shy to ever to do anything, and if he doesnt care...well he doesnt, what else can I do? [/rant over]

[amuse]

would say he's a pig if i didn't know you liked him. is he maybe shy, like deep down protective of himself?

[Koa]

nah, he's just gay! :D
(that's the solution I found :) Anyway I don't care that much anymore, he's probably not worth it... I just need to find someone else to concentrate on... and learn to ignore him! :D)

[tear_killer]

love sucks and so do you for wrting it

[amuse]

you bleed kindness.

[Koa]

LOL I do hate love poems too, but unfortunately I write about what's in my damn mind... I feel there's a difference between wrting about love-heart-flowers (which in my language rhyme and are the sterotype of the lovey stuff), and writing about feelings, especially complicated ones... Surrounded by all the love cliches, the core of the poem is how nothing ever changes... and insignificance :(:(:(

(Btw, the guy gets less and less worth it, but still I can't give up...grrr it's so unlike me!)

[Koa]

...BTW, in the meantime I noticed that I've written many more love poems than i even realised :eek: Just this one is the most ordinary... But I also realised it's ok, go and read Anna Achmatova's poetry, you can't help defining it as 'love poetry' but damn it's so wonderfully melancholic and deep... And that's what has been inspiring me lately...