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applepie
05-14-2007, 02:40 AM
This is a short story or novel I've been working on for some time though I have yet to decide what it is going to be. It has been some time since I've added since life always seems to get in the way of my creative pursuits. Please be critical since I need as much constructive feedback as I can get if I wish to work out the kinks in my writing.

Jump Awry

2170
I found myself in a predicament. Do I open the door to the left? Or maybe the door to the right would be better. On second thought, what am I doing, sitting here and wondering just which door I should go through in this dank hole? Wouldn’t it be much easier to go back the way I came where I know it is relatively safe? After all, I made it through there once. I was successful, and competent. Just how did I end up in this situation…?

October 2167
The entire day had sucked. How it had turned out so badly was a mystery to me. I had woken that morning to a beautiful autumn day. The sun was shining, the leaves were changing to red and gold, and it was just cold enough to wear a sweater. From that point on the day had just managed to go from bad to worse.
I was a proud employee of Galatia Engineering, and it was my responsibility to design the newest in a line of deep space aircraft. The project was right on time; all that was left was a test flight. It was one minor detail that had to be seen to before they could market my newest design. There was little chance of failure since I was the best engineer they had on staff. I had single handedly designed the 24 previous models, so we all knew this one would be a success. I had decided that as a tribute to this being my final design for Galatia this would be the best model anyone had ever seen. We’ll call it my final goodbye to the people who helped me to do so much.
I had been working for five years straight and since that was the case it was time for a change. I was leaving the company to go and explore the deepest recesses of space that I helped others get to every day. As a parting gift, as if the billions that allowed me to retire at 28 weren’t enough, Galatia was giving me my own deep space ship. Not just any ship but this particular ship. As long as the test flight went well, I would be leaving that very day for the Orion system. Life was grand…

2170
It was just a routine test flight. I knew the programming and design of the ship as if it was my child. Nothing should have happened. The test should have gone smoothly, but that is not the case. If it had gone smoothly do you think I would be worried over which door to choose? No! I would be in the Orion system as planned sipping drinks on the beach of Metrope II. I would not be in a hole, dirty and rank, and scared, worried if I should go on. Anyway, back to the point of the story. How did I get here...?

October 2167
It was just routine. A 1200 test flight and then by 1400 I was off to see the beaches of Metrope II. After that who knows where I was going to go next. Maybe I would go and see the winged beasts of Draconix Zero. That would be a nice diversion… Alright, power on… Everything looks good.
“All systems are good for flight,” I told Jinx. Jinx was not only my operator when I was flying but he was also my best friend and boyfriend. He was off to see deep space with me, well just as soon as this flight is over. He gave me thumbs up that all was good in the tower.
Pull back… hit the throttle, “And we have lifted off!” I yelled into the mike.
I could hear the cheers in the command room as I pulled out of the Earth’s atmosphere. It was a short trip. I was to fly out to Saturn and back to test the navigation, auto pilot, and jump functions. It was simple, fly out as far as Mars; test the autopilot in the asteroid belt. That would take about forty-five minutes. Then, just make the jump to Saturn and then all the way back to Mars.
It was simple elementary processes. We had been jumping to planets for more than a decade and the rest of the technology had been around for hundreds of years. The only thing new about my ship was that the time needed to jump between coordinates had been decreased to one third the time needed with normal jump capabilities. We had found a new way to accelerate the stream of particles we became when we jumped that made it not only faster, but we could go further in a single jump also. Simple…
“Alright Jinx, I am just reaching Mars. I’m going to turn over to auto pilot and cruise on through the asteroid belt.”
“Sounds good Ara, you just keep her smooth and steady. We’ll be out to Metrope II before you know it!”
That is right, just keep it all smooth and Jinx and I were off to our much needed change.
“Whew, this baby can fly. I don’t think that I could even beat out the auto pilot. This teaches me to train the computer Jinx, but I should be able to still teach her a trick or two that I didn’t cover in the sims.”
I sighed and looked at the screen. I had gone above and beyond on this model. It was my last one, but I was even impressed at seeing all my hard work in action. This had more than made up for all the late nights and weekends I spent designing the ship and then training the computer.
“OK, Ara it is time to make your jump. You know we’ll be out of contact for five minutes but I will talk to you on the other side.”
“Alright baby, I’ll talk to you when I make Saturn,” I know he could hear the smile in my voice. This was the one function I was looking forward to testing. Cutting the time of a jump down had not only been my idea, but it was also my pet project. I had worked longer and harder on this single aspect of the vessel than any other component. I would be at Saturn in five minutes. My smile grew wider. Just six months ago it would have take almost a half hour. I checked to be sure that I had the correct coordinates in the computer and started the execution sequence. Just then, I heard the computer say over the intercom, “Coordinates are inaccurate. Redirecting to alternate location.”
The world dropped out beneath me and all I could do was listen helplessly to the computer repeating the message over again. It was too late; I was already in the jump. To stop now could mean not only my death, but also the complete destruction of the ship.
Twenty minutes later the ship dropped out of the jump into a system that I had never seen before. I tried to run scans and pinpoint my location, but all that the computer could tell me was that the system was “unknown”. Since there were over 1,000 systems know to the people of Earth, this could only mean one thing. I was in a lot of trouble if I didn’t figure out how to find my way home.

2070
That was the worst day, but it is only the start of how I came to be in this hole. I have been searching for a way home for more than two years. In that time I have run into all kinds of trouble in one form or another. It turns out that the system I found myself in really was undiscovered. The people of the Ara system, as I like to call it since I’m the first one to find it, were not happy to be discovered. Who knows, maybe I wasn’t really the first to find the system. Maybe they just kill everyone who comes their way.

2067
“Unidentified system, please re-enter coordinates,” the computer repeated for what must have been the tenth time.
“How can it be unidentified? I’m supposed to be at Jupiter! Fifteen minutes should not have taken me so far away.”
I sat and regarded the computer again. My hands massaged the ball of tension building in my shoulders. I couldn’t be in an unknown system. We had discovered and explored all the systems within thirty light years over the last two decades.
I studied the location again. Nothing looked familiar. The coordinates, 690.36Z by 1001.95X didn’t even offer comfort. They were as foreign to me as the orange planet in front of my viewing window. The planet was truly fascinating in appearance. It was orange, but as I had found in the past colors can be very deceiving. It was streaked with yellow cloud cover but, underneath was a liquid surface dotted with brown land masses. The liquid, or oceans, were so red they might have been made of blood. The over all result, however, was a giant orange ball.
“I don’t know where I am,” I growled, “What do I know!” I hit the arm of the chair in frustration, and then sat holding my stinging palm. Unable to remain sitting I stood up and began to pace the bridge of the ship. I was angry, but I knew it was mostly to cover my rising panic. Suddenly I stopped.
“Computer, scan system and display data on screen,” I started pacing again as I waited for the data to appear. I reasoned that at least I could know what was here. Was I the only one here? Maybe there was someone nearby who could help her find out where here was.
“Ara,” the computer drawled out, “all information is displayed on screen.” My first instinct was to jump on the screen, but before I could act on that impulse a cold fear washed over me. What if I really was alone?
I sank to the floor and curled in upon myself. I really didn’t want to know if I was alone. The tears I fought to forget fell down my face in rivulets. I had never felt as desolate as I did in that moment. I was alone, far from home and everyone dear to me. Especially Jinx. Oh God, he doesn’t even know where I am. I’d been gone, out of contact for an hour and he didn’t know where to find me.
After what seemed to be an hour, but must have been only a few minutes I got up and headed to look at the computer screen. There are ten planets within the system. Each supports life, but only the third, fifth, and eighth planets support intelligent life. Each seem to have both civilizations and all have space travel capabilities. The third planet is primarily agricultural while the other two planets have multiple means of support. No other information can be found about the area.
Well that didn’t sound too bad, I thought. At least there were others in the area. Maybe, just maybe they could tell me where I was. Even better, they might know how I can make it home.
“Computer, which planet has the most advanced space flight capabilities and technology?”
“The fifth planet is the most technologically advanced.”
Well that seals it, “Computer set a course for the fifth planet and send a message asking for aid.”
“The course is set, Ara. It will take approximately thirty-one minutes to reach the fifth planet at this speed.”

************************************************** *******

I awoke to the computers musical alarm telling me that we had reached the fifth planet. I must have napped shortly while the computer was flying the ship to my destination. Unable to wait any longer I moved to the viewing window to observe the approaching sphere. It was unlike anything I had ever seen. The planet seemed to have no atmosphere. There were no clouds around the surface as I was used to at home. The planet also seemed to have only a small water source. It was a freshwater lake that was about the size of the Mediterranean ocean.
I began to worry as I viewed the planet. It was larger than home, but it was covered in an endless city. How had one water source provided for all the inhabitants that must live on the surface? More importantly, what were the current conditions on the planet? With the information available I could easily be walking into a death trap.
“Computer, can you access any further data on the planet at a closer range. I’m going to need subliminal recordings to learn the language before we make contact. I also would like to know an approximate population and any other information about culture you can gather.”
“The information you require will be available in five minutes.”
I left the helm of the ship and headed to my chamber. In the time it took the computer to process everything I could at least make myself presentable for the coming transmission I was going to make.
“Computer, determine appropriate clothing for women, and have the outfit sent to my room,” I instructed as an afterthought. If I was going to have to talk with their officials the least I could do was be dressed appropriately.
I had just finished checking to be sure all of the controls on the ship were set before I made a transmission to the planet and I was moving quickly down the corridor towards my room. I needed to change into those clothes quickly if I was going to try and contact someone in a position of power on Metropolis, as I’d dubbed the planet in the last twenty minutes, and find out just where in the galaxy I was. It was quite a surprise to find that the only clothing laid out consisted of a mostly transparent caftan and some brief undergarments.
“Computer, is this the traditional garb of women on the planet below?” I asked in wonder. I had expected to find a pair of breeches and a tunic, but the clothing before me seemed better suited for sexual pursuits than doing anything more practical.
“This is the most widely worn garb observed on the planet being worn by women.”
“Give any other information about the planet while I dress,” I ordered as I began to shed my coveralls I had been wearing for my flight. As an afterthought I instructed the computer to only display the information in text format rather than having to listen to the automated voice drawl it out in its sing-song tones. I was surprised as I began to read the literature moving across the holographic screen in front of me. The planet seemed to have a population of 2.5 trillion people. In regards to the size of the planet that amounted to 1 person for every square yard of surface area. No wonder the planet was nothing more than a sprawling city. As I read further I discovered that there seemed to be three classes of people. There was the upper class consisting of only male members, the working class which was composed of about equal proportions of men and women, and finally what seemed to be a slave class that made up a large proportion of the population and was predominantly female in its composition. Though this sent up warning signs that this may not be a planet that would welcome a woman making contact I felt there was no other choice in the matter. If any of the societies in this system were going to be able to provide aid in determining my location and returning home this was going to be the one.
Throwing caution to the wind I began to dress in the clothing provided in earnest. I needed to make contact with the authorities on the planet before I lost my nerve and decided to muddle through determining my own location. With no help forthcoming from the vast stores of knowledge in the computer I could literally fly through space for years and still never come across anything familiar. My ship had a range of 50 light-years so if nothing familiar was in the vicinity I knew it could be a long time until I found something remotely similar. Even with the new jump function, which was useless in light of my current predicament, I needed to know the series of coordinates between here and home. I couldn’t simply plug in the destination of Earth and arrive there. Though the jump distance for this vessel was much longer it didn’t have that type of range. The only explanation for my being in this system is that I must have entered some sort of spatial anomaly that carried me to this location. The simple fact remained that without sure knowledge of my present location I may never be able to return home to Jinx.
At the though of Jinx I collapsed momentarily into a heap on the floor. I could only imagine the worry that he must be feeling at the moment. We both always knew there were risks in using the jump function but neither of us had ever imagined that these were serious possibilities. This was the crowning glory of the company so it never occurred to us that there would be any major defaults that would cause issues. I promised to be much more cautious if I ever returned home.

applepie
06-12-2007, 02:45 AM
Here is another small installment to my story. Please... If you have any constructve feedback post it. I will find it much easier to work out the kinks if everyone is giving some feeback. Thanks for your help.
~Meg~

Contacting the planet proved to be a little more problematic than I had originally believed. Though I was able to learn the language from the on-board computer it was much more difficult to learn the nuances of the culture. There was no manual that could instruct me on the proper way to greet the ambassador or even if my presence as a woman would be frowned upon.
I had no sooner sent a transmission to the planet informing them of my presence than I began to question if I was making the right decision. What if the planet was hostile? What if they had no better idea of their location than I did at the moment? Any number of things could go wrong. They may even see me as a threat and simply shoot me out of the sky. It was with no small amount of relief that I viewed the flashing light on the monitor signaling an incoming transmission. I took a deep breath to compose myself and turned on the viewing screen.
“Hello esteemed gentlemen. I am Ara of the planet Earth of the Milky Way Galaxy requesting aid. It seems my ship has traveled off course and I require assistance in determining my location as nothing in the vicinity is in my database.” It was not more than ten seconds after my declaration that my worst fears were realized.
“What are you, a breeder, doing wearing the garb of an aristo? What is this Milky Way Galaxy you speak of, and why are you accompanied by your master?”
I stared at the screen for a long time considering my reply. Obviously I was in some trouble here. They didn’t even know the area I was speaking of, but more importantly I wasn’t supposed to be speaking at all it seemed. I quickly began to think of ways to extricate myself from the situation without ruining any chance I had of receiving some aid. I began slowly, trying to think of a way to confirm the lie I was about to tell. “My master was killed when our ship went off course. I don’t mean to offend, but I am merely trying to find my way home to my master’s house. Our planet seems to be far from here and the stars around me are unfamiliar. I was hoping that you, with your superior intellect, could aid me in determining my location and plotting a course home,” I almost choked on the end of my sentence finding it unbearable to say the rotund man before me had a more distinguished intelligence that my own.
With a doubtful look the ambassador began his response, “If you will land at our main base we will be more than happy to aid you in any way we can.” The sly smile he gave at the end of his offer showed the lie in his story but I was at a loss of anything else I could do. I could land, hope I was wrong about the ambassador and that he was sincere in his offer of aid. A little devil on my shoulder insisted it was a bad idea and that I was opening myself up to danger, but I was unsure of what else I could do.

applepie
06-23-2007, 12:37 AM
Any feedback you can give would be great. I'm thinking of scrapping all I've written so far and restructuring the story. I'm thinking of replanning it as a series of short stories and writing from the third instead of the first person. I enjoy first person, since this is when the characters speak to me the best, but there are so many things that will be missed if I write only from the point of Ara. So, let me know what thoughts and such you all have. I'll really appreciate any direction or suggestions you can give.