My poem "Bold Youth"

[audiobahn53]

Bold Youth

Ah the boy I see.
Blood of youth runs within.
The joyous steps he takes,
Fearless and Free.

Why look there he runs!
Strides of magnificence,
Laughter as bold as youth.
Show me something so pure!

Any comments are appreciated. Thanks

[Pendragon]

Minimalism. The problem with this type of poetry is that word choice becomes key. As you are down to bare bones, those bones have to be able to tell your story clearly. I’m not sure you quite hit the mark with this poem. It doesn’t really give me a clear image of anything.

Now, I may just have missed something, so do not immediately grow despondent. Hopefully, other poets will offer criticism as well. Good luck! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/QWERTY.gif

[audiobahn53]

Ok I see where your getting at, you do make a good point in one sense, like you said, perhaps I shall expnad the poem, perhaps make it into a sort of life atory i.e. this part would be the boy's teen years, maybe make it go from his child hood to teens to adulthood and then to old age eventually death. Thanks for your input I appreciate it. :yawnb:

[dyingflame]

i don't think you should actually expand it to describe a story or something; it rather seems to be a sketch of the energy of youth- perhaps the tone should be more energetic or vigorous to complement the theme...In its present form I saw it as amazement at the beauty of youth, rather like someone who has lost its magic reflecting on it from an older perspective

[audiobahn53]

I agree the tone could be more energetic, free, youthful, ect. I will play around with it later on, and post an updated version of it in time. thanks.