Something This Old Lady Has To Say About The Girl She Saw In The Park

[Pensive]

I just wrote it. Am not sure if it's even worth reading but here it is because I am curious to know if it's a mess or not. Any sort of comments would be very much welcome! :D

Clad in a white skirt
And a black shirt
Holding a book and a red file
Carefree was her walking style
Wearing a smile on her face
I could witness in her manner, grace
Around her, her age-fellows played
But she chose to sit under a tree's shade
To read the book she had
Others were playing, she was reading
Oblivious of me
Ignorant of any other person
In her mind there was only one
Her friend, the book
Of others, no notice she took
After sometime she put the book aside
Busy now she was in what seemed to be some sweet thoughts
In my head, my teenage memories she brought
"Granny, will you please come and see my stick-house?" my son's son called me
And to her a silent farewell I had to bide!
Hope there was in my heart she would come again with a book to start
And would rest my mind into a sweet chamber of my past!

I wonder if some parts of it are cliched, especially the start?

[Uncle Lar]

Well done, Pensive!

Keep up the good work!

:thumbs_up

Sincerely,

Uncle Lar

[Pensive]

Thank you, Uncle Lar, for the encouragement! :)

[Pendragon]

Face it, Pensy, you are a poet, my dear Mockingbird! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Bravo.gif Write away! Enter the contests! The world is your oyster!

[Niamh]

i like it pensive! fancy tackling the form contest?

[Pensive]

Thanks for your positive comments guys! Heh, I would like to take part in the contests but lately I have been a little bit busy. June would be a good month for that with summer vacations at hand. :D

[2HousePlague]

I just wrote it. Am not sure if it's even worth reading but here it is because I am curious to know if it's a mess or not. Any sort of comments would be very much welcome! :D

Clad in a white skirt
And a black shirt
Holding a book and a red file
Carefree was her walking style
Wearing a smile on her face
I could witness in her manner, grace
Around her, her age-fellows played
But she chose to sit under a tree's shade
To read the book she had
Others were playing, she was reading
Oblivious of me
Ignorant of any other person
In her mind there was only one
Her friend, the book
Of others, no notice she took
After sometime she put the book aside
Busy now she was in what seemed to be some sweet thoughts
In my head, my teenage memories she brought
"Granny, will you please come and see my stick-house?" my son's son called me
And to her a silent farewell I had to bide!
Hope there was in my heart she would come again with a book to start
And would rest my mind into a sweet chamber of my past!

I wonder if some parts of it are cliched, especially the start?

You are to be commended for avoiding the cliched romanticizing of your grandmother. I just read a poem, elsewhere, which was basically a complaint (written by a male poet) that his granny had moved on to have an active life of her own, of which he was not the center. Your resingation to a "sweet chamber of the past" is mature.

"But she chose to sit under a tree's shade
To read the book she had
Others were playing, she was reading
Oblivious of me
Ignorant of any other person"

This part is quite nice. It shows your willingness to accept in the person you are observing a fuller "personhood" than may meet the eye. Good job.

As for granny poems, my favorite has got to be: http://www.granny.com/granny.html


Jack

[Pensive]

Thanks 2HousePlague for taking the time to comment, and thanks for the link! :)