A Poem I Wrote

[P3RS1AN]

Hey, tell me how u guys like my poem. Please feel free to make suggestions and comments about it.


War and Love

Among each other we show disgrace
We treat each other with violence and hate
As the answer to the problems we face
A true display of what we’ve gained

We fight each other although it’s not right
A sign that violence has great might
We wage war when we feel abused
And kill the lives of those in sight

We threaten each other with words and actions
As a means to gain our own satisfaction
And when we see that time is right
Kill a little and we feel all right

We must learn the reason of life
To love each other and the world before us
To live in harmony and peace together
Teach each other and make it all better.

[Triskele]

on the first stanza, the last line syllabically comes up, which makes it sound a bit more like a question, i kinda want it to come down for the last syllable, i don't really know how you would do that, or even if i make any sense, but just for the record.

[Pendragon]

Read aloud, it's fairly sound. One point though. Either rhyme or do not rhyme, but if you choose a rhyme scheme, stick to it. There are a couple of places where the words do not rhyme. Personally, I would probablly make the poem fit the unrhymed words as they seem stronger, and more easily flowing. It's like you had to force rhyme. Go with the flow of the words, don't force a rhyme. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/GM.gif

[Triskele]

i definitly agree with pen, the rhyming scheme should, as a general rule stay consistant, sometimes the last stanza breaks the pattern to make a point, but yeah, nice avatar by the way pen.