PDA

View Full Version : What is Happening in this Story?



Shalot
04-27-2007, 10:14 PM
Below is a story. What do you think about these characters and their friendship?

************************************************** ********

“Why so somber faced, Hannah?” she asked, almost mockingly as she made her entrance into the bathroom with her umbrella, tapping it on the floor as though she were a tap dancer making her entrance on a stage. I’d never spoken a word to her, and I didn’t have any classes with her. I knew who she was just because it was impossible not to notice the strange, petite, fairy girl with the yellow hair and the intense eyes, wearing the clothes that were somewhere between Gap fashion and hippie store chic. And then there was her bright yellow hair, which enabled you to identify her among all the other fake blondes in freshman hall --- hers was the most blonde, the most intense. There she was, addressing me in the bathroom. She actually knew who I was, even though no one else seemed to know my name, or even noticed that I was, in fact, somber faced.

At once I was struck, even though everything about her went against what I knew to be acceptable. Her hair was yellow, not blonde. It was so obvious that she poured drugstore hair dye all over her hair, which was thin and crispy. She didn’t even bother to find out which shade of dye might look best on her. She probably just picked up the first box of dye she saw. I imagined her bursting into the drugstore the way she burst into the bathroom that day, heading straight for the hair dye aisle with a cigarette stuck to her bottom lip, and then snatching the first box with a picture of blonde locks on it .

She kept dark cherry lipstick in her pants pocket (the cheapest kind that cost $1.29) and she put it on without using a mirror (not that she ever got it on straight anyway – whenever she talked you could see her lipstick on her front tooth). The point of make-up and hair dye is to subtly enhance the appearance. The point of her hair dye and make-up was simply this: here’s the hair dye, here’s the make-up. I am doing the girl thing so let’s just……….”

I can’t remember now if she “befriended” me or if I sought her companionship. It happened at a yearbook meeting and I was somehow invited to her home. She smoked Marlboro Reds in her bedroom and asked me if that made me uncomfortable. It did make me uncomfortable, but I shrugged it off. I mean, my parents smoked cigarettes, and I told myself that I shouldn’t be so shocked to see a 14-year old smoking in her bedroom when her parents were home. She only smoked one and her own mother was smoking three rooms over so the house already had the stench of cigarettes --- it’s not like she could get busted for it. It wasn’t long before I lit up a Marlboro Red in front of my dad, to which he replied, “You didn’t even inhale.”

She liked to read and could often be seen with her walkman listening to cassette tapes of obscure grunge or speed metal bands while studying a ratty paperback. She’d sit with her knees folded to her chest and her legs always looked like she’d spent the day before climbing trees or running through brambles, with all the scratches and bruising. I remember her reading Helter Skelter and asking me if I’d ever read it. She’d get me high and ask me if I ever read Helter Skelter, and I would always say no.

I didn’t want to read that book. Charles Manson was a murderer and that didn’t interest me. Once she talked to me about persuading people to do things they wouldn’t normally do, but I was tired. I couldn’t understand how we could seemingly smoke the same amount, and I’d always end up in some other world drifting in and out, catching glimpses of her as she sat in her brown chair, reading through the night in the dim glow of her room, with the black and white walls, and the black light and the poster of the rainbow being sucked into a black hole.

The last time I saw her, she invited me to lunch. She was getting married in a few months. I can’t remember what we talked about. It was uncomfortable, as it always had been, but she was polished now. She no longer had the over-processed chemical hair. It was professionally cut and probably dyed, but natural looking. Her make-up was flawless and she was dressed for a board meeting. She had probably just come from one. She was easy-going --- all the anger was gone. When we left the restaurant, she had an umbrella, and she offered to share it with me. But that is the only thing she ever shared. I am still trying to figure out what she took.

kathycf
04-28-2007, 12:58 AM
The un-named girl seems much more interesting as a 14 year old then as an adult.

I don't know, really...was the umbrella the only thing "she" ever shared? The girls first meet when "she" calls Hannah by name and takes the time to notice her expression, which is apparently more than the other kids in Hannah's school did. It seems like she at least gave her time to Hannah.

There she was, addressing me in the bathroom. She actually knew who I was, even though no one else seemed to know my name, or even noticed that I was, in fact, somber faced.


Huh, to be honest, I don't really know what to say. I like this little story, but am not really sure what to make of it.

CountingSheep
04-28-2007, 01:30 AM
I really enjoyed this story, but as kathycf said, I don't know exactly what to make of it. I guess it could be about the assumptions some people make. Hannah clearly didn't expect the girl with the umbrella to speak to her. Nor would her description early on lead one to think that the girl would be such an avid reader, and be someone who appears to become sucessful near the end. I suppose it could also be about the disconnect between friends. I have a few friends that I share nothing in common with, and I'm certainly not far removed from the uncomfortable feeling that brings at times.

One thing I don't understand is the last line, "I am still trying to figure out what she took."

Oh, and what does the unbrella represent. It's appears at the beginning and the end... but I'm not sure what it stands for.

Shalot
04-28-2007, 02:08 AM
yes, it is about the disconnect between friends.

Does it suck? (i.e. are you reading this as a school teacher has to read an assignment? ) Did it keep you interested or did sloppy sentence construction distract you?

Adolescent09
04-28-2007, 09:29 PM
I personally believe school teachers in general are too narrow minded to fathom or acknowledge the ingenuity of creative thought. I believe that in asking the question "Does it suck?", you are having misgivings of the literary merit of your own work. If you don't feel confident in what you have written I don't think others (especially general teachers) will give your writing the attention it deserves.

And to be candid with you, I think your writind deserves a lot of attention. I can honestly say I enjoyed it Shalot and look forward to reading more of your posts in this General Writing Section. I'm not so sure a teacher would respect it as much as I do though..

kathycf
04-28-2007, 11:23 PM
yes, it is about the disconnect between friends.

Does it suck? (i.e. are you reading this as a school teacher has to read an assignment? ) Did it keep you interested or did sloppy sentence construction distract you?
I liked it. Where are you seeing sloppy sentence construction? It seems well written to me.

Again I have to say, the unnamed girl seems more interesting as a child then as an adult, but that is pretty much personal bias on my part. Polished is fine, but quirks are interesting. Hannah also pales in comparision to her friend.

ShoutGrace
04-29-2007, 11:05 PM
yes, it is about the disconnect between friends.


It is such a short piece, I think, that no theme really develops fully.

It is interesting that the mature Hannah doesn't seem to offer any remorse or sentimentality concerning the friendship - these feelings originate in the reader, who feels as Kathy does (concerning the disparity between the teenage and adult second character). Hannah describes facts (the changes in make up, polishing, etc), but doesn't offer a judgement on them. I, personally, did that on my own, internally.


It wasn’t long before I lit up a Marlboro Red in front of my dad, to which he replied, “You didn’t even inhale.”

Very nice. You manage to cram a lot of meaning into one sentence. :D


Once she talked to me about persuading people to do things they wouldn’t normally do, but I was tired. I couldn’t understand how we could seemingly smoke the same amount, and I’d always end up in some other world drifting in and out, catching glimpses of her as she sat in her brown chair, reading through the night in the dim glow of her room, with the black and white walls, and the black light and the poster of the rainbow being sucked into a black hole.

The most revelatory passage, as far as I'm concerned. And I don't care whether you intended it or not, the symbolism is overwhelming. ;)




Did it keep you interested or did sloppy sentence construction distract you?

It is well written, Shalot(t). ;)

The first sentence seemed unnecessarily clumsy to me. There should be a way to streamline all those adjectives and thoughts.

I also would have the last sentence connect with its antecedent - something like, “But that is the only thing she ever shared - and I am still trying to figure out what she took.” I'm not sure why, though.


Hannah also pales in comparision to her friend.

Due to the perspective of the writer, though, right? I mean, Hannah just doesn't stand a chance because she isn't given any words. ;)

kathycf
04-30-2007, 01:49 AM
It is such a short piece, I think, that no theme really develops fully.
Yes, good point.


Hannah describes facts (the changes in make up, polishing, etc), but doesn't offer a judgement on them. I, personally, did that on my own, internally....
She does a little bit, though.
"At once I was struck, even though everything about her went against what I knew to be acceptable."
In some sense I think Hannah is saying that she likes un-named girl despite (or even because of) her being generally considered "unacceptable".

Due to the perspective of the writer, though, right? I mean, Hannah just doesn't stand a chance because she isn't given any words. ;)
Sure, that seems right. Hannah just seems to react to what her friend does...her friend smokes, so Hannah smokes. Her friend just has a more powerful presence. Is that how you intended it to be Shalot?

ShoutGrace
04-30-2007, 03:10 AM
She does a little bit, though.
"At once I was struck, even though everything about her went against what I knew to be acceptable."


You're absolutely correct :D. I should have been clearer. I was referring to the mature Hannah and the mature friend:


The last time I saw her, she invited me to lunch. She was getting married in a few months. I can’t remember what we talked about. It was uncomfortable, as it always had been, but she was polished now. She no longer had the over-processed chemical hair. It was professionally cut and probably dyed, but natural looking. Her make-up was flawless and she was dressed for a board meeting. She had probably just come from one. She was easy-going --- all the anger was gone. When we left the restaurant, she had an umbrella, and she offered to share it with me. But that is the only thing she ever shared. I am still trying to figure out what she took.

When I read this, I find that all the value judgements are produced internally. I quickly and naturally rebel against the changes in her life, the way you did. But Hannah is just relating facts, or truths as she sees them - "She no longer had the over-processed chemical hair," "all the anger was gone."

Although some of the prose seems mildly pejorative - "She had probably just come from one."


In some sense I think Hannah is saying that she likes un-named girl despite (or even because of) her being generally considered "unacceptable".

Oh, I agree. Its hard to speculate with this piece, but there must be a reason why Hannah takes to her.


I can’t remember now if she “befriended” me or if I sought her companionship.




Sure, that seems right. Hannah just seems to react to what her friend does...her friend smokes, so Hannah smokes. Her friend just has a more powerful presence.

Both in the writing style and as a character in the story itself ;) - I'm not going to chalk it up to coincidence, though I'm sure Shalot(t) will tell us everything. :)

My first question on finishing the story was, "Who is it about?" The friend gets all the description and most of the action, but Hannah gets the first person perspective (and the last word ;)).

Shalot
04-30-2007, 09:15 PM
Thanks for reading the story and offering your thoughts on it. :)

Here's what I had in mind when I wrote it:

Hannah is a lonely 14-year old who has no self-esteem and the unnamed friend picks up on that. The unnamed girl also has low-self esteem, but she has a lot more going on for her than Hannah. She is the dominant friend in the relationship and Hannah looks up to her, despite and because of her odd appearance and individuality, which the unnamed girl picks up on.

And the most "revelatory" passage is:


Once she talked to me about persuading people to do things they wouldn’t normally do, but I was tired. I couldn’t understand how we could seemingly smoke the same amount, and I’d always end up in some other world drifting in and out, catching glimpses of her as she sat in her brown chair, reading through the night in the dim glow of her room, with the black and white walls, and the black light and the poster of the rainbow being sucked into a black hole.

Hannah is looking back and wondering why her friend was so interested in Charles Manson and his cult following and his ability to persude people to kill for him under the influence of drugs. She thinks the whole friendship was nothing more than an experiment to the other girl. Hannah thinks the unnamed girl manipulated her when she was on drugs.

There was no "love" relationship between the girls. It's just a black light poster with colors. Maybe I should revise lest I lead someone to the wrong conclusion.

Maybe I will re-write someday or pick up where I left off and see where it goes.

Thanks for playing along! :)