hey, i'm new! i write poetry!!

[lovemysweet5678]

:D hey guys. i'm new here. my name's Jessica. i write a lot of poetry. so.. i guess i'll start off with one! :D

My Forgotten

It was that day
That very day
That we broke off

You didn’t want to be friends
I told you I was sorry
You never accepted it
I told you that this happened before
I didn’t want the same ending

You tell me you don’t care
It’s over
It’s all over now
You are my forgotten

I try to forget you
On the contrary, you’re still there
I see you everyday
Try to ignore you
Try to look away
Try to not make eye contact
But it is difficult

Even though you are gone
You are still apart of me
You are still there
You left, but it doesn’t seam like it
You left me all alone
Yet, you stand right next to me

I have forgotten who you truly are
I have forgotten the memories we used to have
I have forgotten everything about you
Forgetting you is what I’m best at
You are my forgotten

[Adolescent09]

Hello, Jessica. Great to meet you and a warm welcome from all of us here at Litnet (or most of us :p). The poem, I must acknowledge is a bit cliche all the way from the title to the first stanza to the last. Perhaps what you should realize is that the beauty of poetry can be manipulated on so many levels of understanding and originality. Unlike general or book writing where a recurring theme is important and many first time writers are susceptible to succumb to the "cliche" trap, poetry allows people with different views on everything from the aesthetics of natural wildlife to occult things to open up and reveal themselves with original words and nifty improvised phrases.

Hope I helped and good luck with your future efforts :D Have a great day. (Or should I say night?)

[Pendragon]

Very welcome, indeed, Jessica, the Sweetheart from Jersey! Try to use more image words, things that will show, rather than tell. What color is your forgotten, for example. Did your forgotten leave you seeing crimson or a frosty ice blue? Compare your forgotten to an animal. Was your forgotten a raging bull or a softer furred animal? Or a snake in the grass? Your pain upon becoming forgotten has a depth of feeling. Was it biting, stabbing, breaking, bruising, crushing? See how these can are a punch to your poem? Good luck!


http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/HWD.gif