Ecstacy [its finished]

[spally]

The first verson of this poem was not what i wanted. So here is the finished verson. Hope you like.
__________________________________________________ _________
we had so much fun; it was only once
we thought.
inocent fun, no one got hurt,
maybe.
we thought wrong
a little pill
a little pill, meant for a little fun
well it's no fun sitting in an emergancy room
waiting, wishing, praying, hoping
that maybe just maybe that you'd be ok
well the fun has ended and all thats left is memories
memories of our little inocent fun
laughing it up as we stumbled around
but when you fell,
you too me too
your eyes fell shut.
i had to tell our parents
why you were sleeping so.
told them that you would wake up soon.
all kinds of doctors came and went,
then came yours,
he said they tried everything
that he was sorry.
told your parents what they found
ecstacy they said,
is what they found
they all blamed me,
asked why we did it?
why i didn't stop you
why...
why is all i kept asking my self
as they called the time
for a few hours of fun
i lost a friends life
why is a question,
i have asked everyday
the only answer i can give is ...
it was just a little pill
it was just a little fun,
just a little pain
just a little game we played,
to have just a little fun
from that tinny little pill.

[vodka]

this is an interesting piece, and i know it says it's finished in the title but i thought i'd make a couple suggestions in case you ever decide to pick it up again.

firstly, it could probably benefit from dropping the repetition and unnecessary words such as 'well'. also, your setting is unique, why not use it to explore more of the senses such as smell and sound? using that sort of concrete imagery could really bring your reader along for the ride.

i think this is a strong piece and you have a strong and fearless voice, which is a very cool thing.

jen