Confession

[vodka]

I often wonder which is more important;
what’s being said or how
you say it.

I’m terrified
to admit to my professor
that I prefer
Bukowski
to Byron, or that I’d much rather
listen to The Knife
than Tchaikovsky
because the sound of broken
English spoken
by a foreign tongue
fills my body
with a gentle hum
of contentment.

I get a creeping feeling
it would be rude
to say that if I scheduled
writing time
an hour each day,
the results would be nothing
less
than contrived bull****.

In fact, I can hear him
sigh as I type:
The poetry writes itself. I’m
merely the vehicle delivering it
to the page.

I am aware.

I could describe the sun
as a crocheted pattern handed
down for generations, spread
across the ground
to bridge the memories
and the years lost.
But I don’t know
if Heaven exists.

Although I’m willing
to admit
that it could.

And I chuckle sometimes
when I bare my soul on
the page
to find someone’s critique
which says I should
break
my
lines
this
way.

But I must
confess
my biggest peeve
is people
who write poetry
about
writing poetry.

[kilted exile]

I like this. Are you familiar with The Kind Of Poetry I Want by Hugh MacDiarmid?

[vodka]

sadly, i'm not.

do you maybe have a link?

jen

[kilted exile]

It was published in 1943 and as such is not in the public domain, so I dont know how much success you will have finding it on the net

[vodka]

hmm i'll have to note the author and take a look next time i stop in at the bookstore. sounds interesting.

thanks for the reference.

jen

[Isagel]

This is a very nice introduction to you, and your poems Glad to meet you, and I´ll see you around. If you have not read it I think you might like "I said to poetry" by Alice Walker.

Btw - I also prefer Bukowski

[Virgil]

I really like it it Jen. Although it seems a little prosey in spots like here:

I get a creeping feeling
it would be rude
to say that if I scheduled
writing time
an hour each day,
the results would be nothing
less
than contrived bull****.
"creepy feeling" and "contrived bull..." are rather banal.

But there are some really good spots:

...or that I’d much rather
listen to The Knife
than Tchaikovsky
because the sound of broken
English spoken
by a foreign tongue
fills my body
with a gentle hum
of contentment.
and my favorite:

I could describe the sun
as a crocheted pattern handed
down for generations, spread
across the ground
to bridge the memories
and the years lost.
But I don’t know
if Heaven exists.

The sun as a "crocheted pattern", outstanding!! :thumbs_up :)

What really makes your poem I think is the pacing is exceptionally well done. You have a fine sense of the english language. Oh, and that ironic ending brought a smile to my face. ;)

BTW, I hate Bukowski. Not only is he trashy, but incredibly banal.

[vodka]

Isagel: hey thank you very much. and it's always nice to meet another bukowski fan.

Virgil: i know what you mean about the proseyness and thank you for the excellent critique, even if you don't like bukowski.

jen

[Uncle Lar]

Nice Confession, Jen;
I look forward to reading
more of your writings!

[toni]

Wow, jen. Your poetry is unique and brilliant!


I could describe the sun
as a crocheted pattern handed
down for generations, spread
across the ground
to bridge the memories
and the years lost.
But I don’t know
if Heaven exists.


My fave. *applauds* :thumbs_up Brilliant work, Jen. Inspiring.

[blp]

A real pleasure to read. It's not that it's prosey, just that it's, blissfully, not too overtly poetic either, sounds like it came naturally and unforced, but still, without wearing it on its sleave, has rhythm and a great, thoughtful use of language (except for the cliche 'bearing my soul'). Just as one might expect from a Bukowski fan really. My breathing changes pleasurably as I read it, which is the acid test really.

[vodka]

well thank you very much for your feedback guys. i look forward to reading everyone and getting to know everyone around here.

jen

[Virgil]

Jen - Are you aware we have several poetry contests that run? Picture poetry contest http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23675 (it's a newly started thread from a thread that went on too long, but there's a link there that will take you back to the original to see people's past contributions) and now a form poetry contest http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23444.

[vodka]

virgil, i wasn't aware of that.

thanks for the tip!

jen

[jon1jt]

neat poem. my favorite line:

because the sound of broken
English spoken
by a foreign tongue
fills my body
with a gentle hum
of contentment.

i got itty bitty jolts of cliche-shock reading:
"bare my soul", "Heaven", "Confined bull...." 'I’m
merely the vehicle delivering it
to the page."

i'm a bit confused about the punch line: is your criticism directed toward Literary Criticism as participating in a form of 'poetry'?

[vodka]

aha.

the poem is meant to be taken tongue in cheek.

i wrote it for my advanced poetry class after studying the text written by mary oliver. i caught myself rolling my eyes like five hundred times throughout. i intentionally roughed this one up a bit, broke rules and generally stuck my tongue out... so yah, that's that.

all that being said, there's a couple of spots which i think could use tightening.

jen

[Pendragon]

Overall, a good poem. I can't say anything critical that hasn't already been pointed out, so I won't run the poem through my wringer. You have talent, that's clear, focus it and show more than tell in your poems. Good luck and as Virg said, get involved in our contests and the Haiku/Tanka/Cinquain threads. We need fresh blood and new insights! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/GM.gif

[vodka]

hey there and thanks for your opinions.

i'm not really much for haiku tanka or cinquain, but i may take part in some of the contests.

nice to meet you.

jen