Log in

View Full Version : That Old Photo



Ahmed-Adel
04-15-2007, 06:03 PM
That Old Photo


It was one of those moments when he feels he is in a total loss. In those moments, he feels he lacks her wisdom and care; he finds himself unable to take some decisions, because he used to take her opinion about many decisions. He misses her – her presence. It was one of those moments.

He made himself a cup of tea with milk and then he switched on his computer. He was trying to divert his thoughts and engage his mind in something different, so that he would not think of her. Alas! He could not. While the Windows was being loaded, all he thought of was she – only she.

Opening the drawer of the desk to search for a CD, he saw her. She was with him in an old photo. If he had been trying to divert his thoughts, it had become impossible after seeing that old photo. They were both standing together, smiling happily, without knowing that a day would come when they would be separated. He looked at the photo; he looked at her, and looked, and looked…

Now he misses her. He misses her smile. He misses her voice and her looks. Who can replace her place in his heart? It is two years since he last saw her or heard his name pronounced by her; yet, he feels it is twenty years.

At that old photo he looked, and remembered their days together. Indescribable, incomparable those days were – days that can never be compensated. Now he misses her chats. He even misses his arguments with her…And he misses her.

A kiss on her face in that old photo was all he did, sighing heartily, and saying, “Oh, how I love you! How I miss you, mother! How I miss you…!”


Ahmed Adel
Thursday, February 8, 2007 @ 4:00 a.m.

optimisticnad
04-27-2007, 02:59 PM
The tenses dont seem right to me but im not an expert, my tenses are always all over the place but dont fret, it is something that can be easily remedied.

I like the way you build it up, i thought it would be some lover or something but it turns out to be a mother.

I think you need to develop this a little more, it seems a little forced to me too if you get what I mean. Its got a powerful incident/emotions (is the mother dead then?), you just need to develop that and make it seems a little less forced and more 'showing' rather than just telling us he missed her, this that etc.

Well done for being brave enough to put it up!