A little help (Thesis Statement)

[Bluebiird]

Haha. I did it. I told you I'd get it. (please refer to my last blog entry to know what I'm babbling on about.)

Okay. To cut a long story short I'm working on this essay. I've left it too late and it's due in first thing tomorrow morning (So don't feel obliged to help or anything. I don't mind)

Okay. So it's a compare and contrast question about how 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale are presented. Looking back over my last essay, I can see that I don't actually have a clue about what I'm trying to argue and that it’s just one big mess, which I’m in the process of straightening out.
I've come up with something and on the last one my teacher wrote "If this is your argument you need more of it" So how do I make more of it? I mean what more am I supposed to say to make it clear that this is what I'm trying to argue? (If I'm not making sense then don't worry, because I only got up about an hour ago and my brain's exceptionally slow)
Anyway, after some tweaking this is what I've got "Both texts offer warnings for the future in similar ways, though they are presented differently, as different styles and events influenced their writing." which is actually following on from the previous paragraph about how the novels are both dystopian, which is following on from a paragraph about what a dystopian society actually is.
(In case you couldn't tell, I'm pretty crummy when it comes to essays, especially proper ones that will determine my grade and are going to be closely scrutinised.)
So, basically any help on “making more” of my ‘thesis statement’ would be really helpful but if not then thanks for reading anyway.

[Schokokeks]

Hi there bluebiird :).

I haven't read A Handmaid's Tale, so I won't be of much help concerning the content, but let's see if I can give you a hand as to the structure of your essay.
As far as I figure from your description, your essay at this point looks like that:

Introduction (I just take that for granted :))
Body: 1st paragraph - what is a dystopian society
2nd paragraph - how 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale are dystopias
Conclusion:


"Both texts offer warnings for the future in similar ways, though they are presented differently, as different styles and events influenced their writing."

I find starting with a description of a typical dystopia in the first paragraph is a good idea to mark the terrain you'll be moving on.
With your conclusion in the back of your head, I think you could 'make more' of it by expanding the second paragraph. What exactly do you mean by 'how' they are both dystopias ? Have you limited that observation to the two plots only, or did you also take into account other considerations to which you to come back to in your conclusion, that is, e.g. the "different styles and events that influenced their writing" ?
I think you could split your second paragraph thus:

How 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale are dystopias.
a/ 1984. (What makes it a dystopia, given the aspects you mentioned in your 1st paragraph + its background, "style and events")
b/ A Handmaid's Tale (same as for 1984)

If you want to focus your essay one the aspect of the books giving a warning, you need to mention this in the body:

c/ Where are the warnings in the two books ? E.g. for 1984 a state organ is given the ultimate power to observe anyone anywhere, and what follows from it. I can't help more here, since you're the one who read both books ;).
If you can, link the warnings you see to the background the books were written in (this would be the link from the end of your 2nd paragraph to your conclusion).

As to your conclusion: Following your sentence above, you could give a futher outlook in the style of "what significance do dystopias have?", "do they tell us anything about a/ the time they were written in, and/or b/ our time ?", or anything else you can think of.

I hope this was helpful and I wasn't too late ;).
Good luck with your essay :nod:.

[Bluebiird]

Thanks Schokokeks. My essay's done for now (you did make it in time) There's probably a lot of other stuff I should've done to it besides the thesis statement (I spent the whole day tweaking the whole thing) but I had a word limit and there's only so much you can cut out and only so long you can work for. I've emailed it to my teacher on yahoo, so I'll be able to open it at school if I need to change it last minute, so thanks for your help. I'm hoping that it’ll at least be a grade C (That's what my Hamlet essay last year was).
So thanks again. And as thanks I present you with the prestigious "helping Bluebiird award"............


A dancing banana
:banana:
But I also enclose............



An alien too
:alien:
Because I'm feeling rather insane at the moment and I haven't had a chance to use the alien before.
:lol:

[Schokokeks]

Good to hear you've finished :)


[B][COLOR="Navy"]And as thanks I present you with the prestigious "helping Bluebiird award"
Oh thank you very much, it will be put on the shelf next to my bed and be cherished ever after :D.
Let me know what your teacher thought of your work, if you like !

[genoveva]

[I]"Both texts offer warnings for the future in similar ways, though they are presented differently, as different styles and events influenced their writing."

The topic for your essay is an interesting one! I loved both novels, and they make for great writing discussions. Remember, your thesis statement should go in your first paragraph, more or less. You want it upfront right away. Don't save it for your third paragraph. I know your essay is done, but I will put forth comments anyhow, in case it helps you or someone else.

First, this thesis statement is too general. It is not specific enough. Instead of saying "both texts.." I would suggest naming the texts. instead of saying "similar ways" I would list the similar ways. Instead of saying "presented differently" I would state how they are presented differently. Instead of saying "different styles", I would list the different styles. Instead of referring to different "events", list the events. Who is "their"? The author? You have a lot of general statements in this thesis statement. Your thesis statement should be extremely specific. Perhaps you could have broken done this thesis statement into several sentences.

I'll try an example:
Although 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale are both dystopian novels, the gender differences of the narrators (or authors?) contribute to a considerable difference in the tone of the stories.

Just a quickie...

[Bluebiird]

My teacher's given me feedback. She says it's a low C but could possibly be a D when the examiners mark it. I suppose a D will be okay, but I'd prefer a C. There's nothing I can do now. Though I must say, I think the thesis statement helped considerably.
I feel like celebrating because all of my coursework is done now
:bday_2::banana: :bday_2: :banana: :bday_2: :banana: :bday_2: :banana:

[Schokokeks]

I'm glad to hear that it at least helped a bit :). I'm not very familiar with the English grading system, is it from A to F ?
Enjoy your leisure time :D.

[Bluebiird]

Cheers.

Quite simply, A = excellent and E = very bad but still counts a a pass (And it goes down from A - E, I don't think we have F's anymore, at least not at this level). Below that is U and that = How on Earth could you fail? Did you hand it in? Did you actually do any work? You might as well apply for your job a Burger King now.
:lol: