Critics?

[Koyaanisqatsi]

Two poems of mine... I'm 17 and I'm french, so please be indulgent!

Reality

odd flower
embrace me
your power
seems really
peculiar.

my tower
where I stare
at you, sir,
didn’t scare
the warrior.

The Odd She

I spent my life
drinking my blood,
and eating my brain,
unravelling my hair,
and touching my lips.

When she vanishes
full of gumption.
(Blossoming butterflies.)
She tried to be noticed,
nevertheless she failed.

That’s why she died:
between roses and devils,
she closed her hands for eternity.
And she became so gorgeous,
on the island of my body.

[Koa]

gooooood! i like the images and the 'quickness' of them... they don't feel heavy, especially the first one is so simply structured... (and I can't feel any Frenchness in them ;) I mean, sometimes I can tell someone is from somewhere because of the grammar/words they use in English are influenced by their language...uh sorry I always end yp talking of languages...Your English is very good btw, pretty rare in France as far as I know...;))

[Koyaanisqatsi]

Thank you so much, I'm really flattered! If only my engish teacher could agree...


;)

[amuse]

my tower
where I stare
at you, sir,
didn’t scare
the warrior
this was like a burst of light at sunrise :). really nice!