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Zagor26
04-15-2007, 08:32 AM
With pearls in his eyes and pain in his heart
The little child is crying being lost in darkness
You mightn’t have a house or parents
You mightn’t have anybody, you might have been scorned
Whatever happens and happens
The time and the days will pass
One day might come and you might be consoled little child.

With pearls in his eyes and pain in his heart
The little child is crying being lost in darkness
You’d had various troubles making you get lost
Strangers had taken the little money you deserve
Whatever happens and happens
The time and the days will pass
One day might come and you might be consoled little child.

dramasnot6
04-19-2007, 12:48 PM
It is certainly an interesting poem.The content is very good but you could use a few commas and some re-ordering of your words to clean it up a bit. Sentences like "The little child is crying being lost in darkness" can be tweaked with a comma between crying and being to clarify the meaning.
Well done!