Picture Poetry Contest (...continued...)

[YesNo]

What punishment should Julius get
For being who he is
Who thinks that any girl he's met
Is glad that she is his?
The idle ides of March are done.
Tonight she'll let him know.
The future's new and has begun.
It's time for her to go.

[prendrelemick]

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/19044.jpg



there you go Cacian

[cacian]

prendrelemick je vous remercie. Thank you.

[Dark Muse]

Dreamers of the Sea

Dreamers of the sea
gaze wonderingly at the vast
uncharted beyond
while wistfully hoping to be swept
away to the far side of the world,
somewhere unknown
unseen
and each waking hour will bring
a new discovery,
but they remain trapped
in life's frivolities,
and tiresome idle pleasures
that bring little joy,
only expectation,
but they do not give up
that some day
their tide will come in
and carry them
far
far
far

[Pendragon]

Launching a Thousand Ships

She looks out to sea as the warships draw nigh
Helen of Troy with a gleam in her eye
Perhaps she would be more worried if she knew this
It was her face that launched all of these ships
War comes to Troy because the Goddesses were vain
Promised Helen to Paris not thinking to explain
That she was the wife of a noble in Troy
Playing their games with that weakling of a boy
Blood will be upon the water, death ruin the land
Lover and friends done to death by Greek hands
But Helen doesn't know the things that Fate holds
So she smiles out to sea in the soft sunset glow

Pendragon
(C) 12/13/2012

[cacian]

One more day to go anyone?

[cacian]

OK and here are the results of this round:

Whilst it has been very difficult for me to decide which to chosem the three pieces are a joy to read and all three deserve a first place win, I have to chose one and this time it is :
Day Dreaming by YesNo.
I felt the piece was short and concise and spoke to me. I enjoyed its simplicity and the way it reads. I also think the ''Idle of March'' did it for me.

Congratulations YesNo!!!

[YesNo]

Thank you, cacian! I'll try to find a picture for the next contest this evening.

[YesNo]

Here is an image of an ancient Egyptian couple for the next contest.

I've seen various statues like this with the female having her hand behind the male and sometimes the other hand might be on the male's arm. He is sometimes holding something in his hands and they are both standing. I don't know much about the style.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Egypte_louvre_279_couple.jpg

Here's another example of the style. Either image would work.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:King_Menkaura_%28Mycerinus%29_and_queen.jpg

Deadline: Sunday evening, January 13th.

[Dark Muse]

Pharaoh and His Wife

Beneath the ancient skies
two lovers, hand in hand
walk together under a vastness
of the stars.

They approach
a world of uncertainty,
on the cusp of everything,
where power ripples as the sands
beneath their feet,
to dissipate at any moment.

To each other they cling,
to hold it together,
they stand tall bearing the weight
of the world upon their shoulders.

The gods watching above,
with critical eye
expecting to mold the divine
within mortal flesh
in their earthly representatives.

And rise or fall in time
they will become immortalized,
captured in one stolen moment
as but two lovers beneath
an ancient sky.

[Pendragon]

Sometimes love is soon forgotten
Here today, tomorrow gone
They made certain theirs got noticed
Love forever carved in stone

[cacian]

a certain beauty
stands beside
him
he who noticed
her before him
desire
most of her entire
and she who saw with him
the kind
requires all of his
attire
in dreams they shire
in days they pier
and forthuitely
together they tide

[mazHur]

Our love will live on forever
We know our mortal Fate is dust
Sculpted in stone together
Love's survival shall be must.

Hold me tightly in your arms
While we stand together and muse
Let's delight in double harness
Two bodies in One Soul fuse.

[Melanie]

shoeless kings
and jeweless queens
ancient egyptian royals
standing firm
united as one
powerful and loyal

[YesNo]

Thank you for your contributions!

Dark Muse The gods watching them in the second to the last stanza and the "stolen" moment in the last stanza were what I remember most.

Pendragon Stone helps us recall their love thousands of years later. Nice presentation in only a few lines.

cacian The first five lines marked by the "beside him" and "before him" sounded very nice to me.

mazHur The dust of our bodies, stability of stone, and the eternity of love are well combined here.

Melanie I liked the "shoeless", "jeweless", "powerful" and "loyal" adjectives. I hope to read more of your poetry.

You all deserve to win. However, I have to pick one. So, the winner is Dark Muse!

Congratulations!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much, I will have the new pic up soon

[Dark Muse]

Ok here is your next photo

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.mandatory.com/media/2012/06/shark-tank-email.jpg

[Melanie]

Congratulations Dark Muse! I liked "beneath the ancient skies" that began and ended your poem. Nice touch.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you

[tailor STATELY]

The Maul

I left the food court fully fed
feeling a bit like the walking dead
Then sought the way down when I saw
Sharks infesting the escalator pond
So I wandered to the elevator
(I'm no fool !)
But when the doors opened (ding!) before me
I fled helter-skelter from a fiery demon
beckoning me in
Surely the stairwell will be safe
to make my escape, but NO!
slithering everywhere were creepy-crawly snakes
snapping at all who dared to come near
So now I reside at Bed, Bath, and Beyond
and every day feed the sharks at the
escalator pond
Get my exercise racing demons on their way to
the elevators... and hope them snakes
get eaten by concourse alligators

1/25/2013

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[YesNo]

Loud noises, huge heights,
No wrongs burn to rights,
The basement's high flood,
The sharks smell the blood.
They wait for us there.
Their teeth slice and tear
Sharper than knives
Extinguishing lives.

[Dark Muse]

Only two entries so far?

I am setting the deadline at Feb 15th

[Pendragon]

There's water in my basement
I cannot drain it all
So I'm heading down to bail it out
Why do I hear the theme from Jaws?

[Dark Muse]

This one was hard, I really thought each of these was great but I had to pick one winner

YesNo: Loved your use of rhyme in this one. And I thought this line in particular was great "No wrongs burn to rights." Some really good imagery, I really enjoyed this one.

Pendragon: The last line was great, and made me laugh out loud. I enjoyed the playfulness of this one, with the surprise at the end, offering a suspenseful cliffhanger of an ending to the poem.

And the winner is......

tailor STATELY: This was great I loved everything about it. First of all the double meaning in the name was a nice touch, and the reference to the walking dead did earn you bonus points. I really liked the creativity of it, and the mix of darkness with humor. Some really great lines.

[cacian]

congratulations tailor STATELY!!

[tailor STATELY]

Thank you ! I'll have a new picture up shortly.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[tailor STATELY]

And here we go! (I think),

http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p219/bomrox/canue-from-wood-on-grass_w725_h544.jpg

8625

Deadline March 14th.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Pendragon]

Change

Carefully carved canoe rests on the grass
With woven bee-hive huts hibernating in the distance
It was a time of old world tech and simple lives
New tech comes in high strung wires
Telephone poles replace natural trees
Satellites obscure the bright sunlight
In with the new, out with the old
Except for exquisite memories

Pendragon
(Copyrighted material)

[YesNo]

The canoe is out of water
Waiting on the grass,
Anxious, hoping on the bay,
It's built to float not sink away
Like those who try yet fail each day.
It hopes at least to pass.

[cacian]

a canoe lays abrupt
to dry land and prompt
against the stumps
of soil and sunk
sea life its runs
is long gone
to suns feathers
and pearls
may the time
will come
for it to ride
to waters
once more
and fun
the many stunts it done

[slipee]

Sorry for calling it a boat...

Sturdy by sea (in theory), this boat; while the ox claims the lands here and yonder
My wife says to me (who is now thirty-three), 'Without Botox, you'll love me no longer'
Stranded it seems, like a boat on the green; but in the city ..would we drown, I ponder?
Ideals lead astray, age gracefully each day, and of you the days too will grow fonder
Much like the boat, you understand or you don't; neglect won't grow old, only somber

[Melanie]

writer's block
awaiting inspiration
like a well crafted canoe
aground on dried soil
displaced and empty
far from familiar waters

seasons change
rains come and rivers swell
the craft's unrealized potential
channeled to beckoning waters
while silent strangers
awaken on the horizon

[tailor STATELY]

Nearly an hour after midnight the 15th
of March here in Gold Country.
Good entries from all.
Congratulations to Melanie !
I was sold with S1.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[cacian]

Melanie congratulations!!

[Melanie]

Thank you! I don't know what "S1" is but thank you.
I'll take just a little time to choose a picture that
I hope all will enjoy and post it asap.

[Melanie]

Okay, here's your next picture.
Deadline is April 6...
http://i1280.photobucket.com/albums/a495/peacelovedove1/tumblr_lku3i5WIFF1qbdhhmo1_500_zps2a362485.jpg

[YesNo]

Blue, black, yellow, white and brown
Paint the morning brick and stone:
Illusion for the brain to catch,
Fantasy the mind will match
To leave reality alone.

[Adolescent09]

Ayo! Ya'll gots to roll up and light up as the angels drop dese quick slick rhymes on da pic above.

Seraphs Rap Music!

O! Cyanic dish O! transit mist
Guide my steed where Spirits dwell
Lend wholesomeness
to minds remiss
May Seraphs rap on Satan's knell

[Pendragon]

A puddle of sky lies spilled on the cobbles
Bird flying along in the cool spring breeze
It rained in the night and it seems part of the sky
Landed here near the sidewalk on 5th and 44th
I raise my eyes to the firmament above me
The ever changing drama of clouds and wind
Far off to the West, a lighting bolt flashes
Another piece of the sky now lies on the earth

Pendragon
(c) March 17, 2013

[Melanie]

I edited my post #1286 and now the photo appears for all to see.
Thank you for your patience, I'm so impressed with the 3 entries above!
They're all terrific. This is great fun.

[Dark Muse]

Vanishing Point

From afar
I watch my dreams
begin to erode,
the waters darken
steadily,
as the shadows
encroach,
but it is as if
I am no longer there,
I feel myself
beginning
to disappear,
vanishing
in the far distance,
like a bird,
a speck of dust,
swallowed by unknown horizons,
and these dreams
they become
no longer mine,
but instead
they wash away
where others
unknowing
walk across them
with a thousand feet,
but by then
I am not even
a memory.

[prendrelemick]

Beware!
Step warily,
Step around,
Or be lost,

The door is left open,
Just a chink,
And not for long,
The granite setts have melted,
The infinite blue beckons,
A World beyond,
Beckoning.

Can you resist?

[miyako73]

Street Find


Eight months and four days
In the cobblestone streets,
Awake every night till dawn,
Here I am walking in the sun.

I am looking for the old man
Who emptied all his pockets.
I am still waiting for the child
Who left me half of her lunch.

I trudge along the dampy street
Eyeing for a big coin that glints-
Four of it enough for hot coffee
And a big piece of buttered bun.

Listening to the mumbling flies,
I stand on the flooded sidewalk
And wonder why these clouds
When I have no will, no wings.

[Melanie]

Less than a week left! Deadline is April 6. We have many incredible poems entered, and will be nearly impossible to pick a winner (eek!) but wanted to give everyone an opportunity to enter their poem inspired by the photo in post#1286 on page 86 of this thread. Have fun!

[Melanie]

These poems are all well thought out and presented. As I write this critique, I still have no idea who will be the winner. This is the hardest thing I've done since childbirth ^__^ But I can only pick one in the end so here we go:

YesNo...I like how you're poem has envisioned the picture almost as a color saturated painting. You've cleverly added how that affects our minds which is intriguing.

Adolescent09...I love surprises and this poem is just that! The unexpected playfulness with the subject of good and evil was fun...especially the way you set it to a rap metric.

Pendragon...I really liked the 1st and last lines of imagery, "puddle of sky" and "piece of the sky lies on the earth" and the way you made the two lines bookends of your poem. It was also a refreshing perspective of looking at the sky and puddle as one instead of the more common perspective of reflection.

Dark Muse...The way you used the puddle to describe your dreams as they "wash away where others unknowingly walk across them with a thousand feet" is a beautiful use of imagery. I also liked the way you tied the bird, from the picture, into your poem, "I feel myself...vanishing...like a bird...swallowed by unknown horizons". Excellent. Your line breaks are consistently natural in their pauses and the enjambment of the lines had a nice flow as I read your poem.

Pendrelemick...My attention was captured with your first line and I thought "step around or be lost...into a world that beckons" was an intriguingly relevant perspective of the photo posted. Then the last line offering a challenge in question form drew me in.

Miyako73...Your poem tugged at my heartstrings....especially the last stanza. The poetic imagery of "listening to the mumbling flies", the "flooded sidewalk", "no will", and "no wings" presents such a strong image of desperation, feeling lost, alone, homeless, and wondering "why these clouds". I was very touched. Well penned.

So I must choose one, and that one would be Dark Muse.

[Dark Muse]

Oh, thank you, I will get the next picture posted soon.

[Dark Muse]

Ok here is your next image

http://www.stanwashburn.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/girl-with-a-red-hat-Vermeer-16651.jpg

[cacian]

Nice picture Dark Muse :)

[Pendragon]

Slow Motion Stalker

The artist was a paparazzi
Caught this young lady off her guard
Her mouth frozen in a swear word
A forever captured startled look
Out on the town to have some fun
New red hat and deep blue dress
A high class lady in a restaurant
Fame causes stalking sketchbook style
Today the camera replaces brush strokes
Viral videos on the Internet
But the same old story still runs rampant
No private life for the famous and rich

Pendragon
(c) 4/10/2013

[YesNo]

She wondered if I said something,
Something different than she knows
Before she left me, went away,
But there was nothing left to say
Except surprise before she goes.

[Melanie]

yesterday
life's charm lost.
neither a feathery hat of flaming vermilion
nor a robe of sapphire and iced cerulean
could hide life's background tapestry
of faded gold, dark sienna, and raw umber.
Ever changing in shades of
gloom.

today
life out of focus
like the once defined lionhead finials
now blurred in the foreground; clouded with denial
losing strength, losing courage, losing foothold
as they bleed off the lower edge.
the girl's eyes lack definition; her gaze
obscured.

tomorrow
hope just out of view.
a nearby window's reflection of light
adds brilliance through prisms of crystal quartzite.
a bead of turquoise color glimmers in her eye
defining beauty; amplifying purity and energy.
turn. face the window. face the light.
hope.

[Dark Muse]

Great entires so far. You have until May 5th if you have not already entred.

[Adolescent09]

Quick science-inspired poem I wrote on the image above:


A Cell Committed Incest
by Adol09

Starless nights once rendezvoused
on a boulevard of bygone lane
Long had they been
intent to invent the maxims of motion
in the confines of monotony's frame,

They coaxed Iota to conceive atom,
atom committed incest,
compound was its son,

kin happened to encounter wroth,
to a ring of red it did succumb,
Its hammock became the cells we see
the blood that paints the plight to be,

the fate of me, of he of...she

[prendrelemick]

A Bonny Lass Wi' a Long Long Face.

Aye, a bonnie lass wi a long long face who wore a braw red hat.
When I axed her for a Highland fling, she turned me down right flat,
Come away sez I we'll dance a reel, together you an' me,
Yer Mammy'll never need to know, yer Daddy's too drunk to see.

I will na' do what ye have asked, I canna dance wi' thee,
I wear mi' hat so bright an red so Rab'll notice me,
For he's the wan who has mi heart, 'an who I wait here for,
So ax another, there's mony a lass 'll spin yer roun' the floor.

Aye a bonnie lass in a braw red hat, but not the girl for me,
An' lang she'll wait for Rabbie Brown, for he's away to sea,
Aye, lang she'll wait for Rabbie Brown, for he's away to sea.

[cacian]

the girl in the hat
she took a pact
with herself and
that
to look the part
whenever a track
in the music class
plays up a blast
at long last fast
she became the
cast
the well known
lass
with the hat that
sat
happily to her past
her ways always
passed

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Shall I Compare Thee to a Pearl Earring?

Honey, let me be frank with you
and no, that’s not my name.
It’ll take more than a scarlet canopy
If you expect to fan my flame.

You gaze at me with longing eyes
and bulbous glistening schnoz
trapped here in this sepia world
behind carved knurled paws.

How could daddy Vermeer produce such extremes
from the loins of his brush?
I speak about your sister of course,
now there’s a pretty little Thrush.

With that pearl earring and blue scarf
she’s as cute as a button.
Her nose fits well and not so oily
Yours is a greased shank of mutton!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you everyong. This was quite a tough one.

Pendragon: I rather liked the concept of the artist as being paparazzi. An amusing poem which reelects some truth that in reality while our technology my change, in essence so much truly does ultimately remain the same.

Melanie: A beautifully written poem. I loved the way in which you incorporated the color imagery within. There are some wonderful and elegant lines here. I also particularly enjoyed the way in which we see this woman through these different phases of time.

Adolescent09: I really like the originality of this poem as well as the clever use of language. The first line was quite captivating and really drew me in to wanting to read more. This is quite a thought provoking piece.

prendrelemick: First of all much kudos for the classical language used. In addition to being quite skillful it added an extra charm to the poem. It told a fun, comical tale and rather reminded me of the Drinking Songs of which I tend to be a particular fan of.

cacian: Nice use of rhyme. I really like the portrait this poem paints. It creates its own picture with words. I particularly enjoyed the lines:

"in the music class
plays up a blast
at long last fast"

I really enjoy the image this conjures up. I also quite liked the ending of this poem.

Gilliatt Gurgle: This really made me feel quite sorry for the poor girl in the painting, but I did enjoy the cleverness of the poem ,as well as some of the sensual imagery. Amusing, and playful as well as skillfully written.

And the winner is........

YesNo: I really liked this one. It was simple, and to the point but it still managed to tell a story, and captured a certain mystery. I think it captures the image so well, as it does leave one wondering just what is she thinking about or what has she seen? There is something about the 2nd line that I find particularly charming and intriguing.

[YesNo]

Thank you, Dark Muse!

My daughter showed me a painting by Salvador Dali that she was writing a report on and I figured one of his paintings or art objects might be a nice topic. Here's an image of a couch with Mae West in the background. The couch is supposed to be shaped like her lips. (Robert Vos photo)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/gallery/2009/jan/23/salvador-dali



Deadline: May 31st

[cacian]

Dark Muse thank you and congratulations to you YesNo nice piece indeed :)

[Adolescent09]

Congrats. Great as usual, YesNo. It goes without saying that I truly appreciate your work. :)

I'll whip up something on this art piece in a few days :)

[Adolescent09]

Whoops! Looks like I lied :D


The A.R.T(Audacity Rivals Tepidity) of Vision
Adol09

Deep in the meadows of a forgotten land
Two veins fed a creed in the heart of man
That beat with the birth of a bout with belief
Stoking the flames on a prairie of relief
Depression waged war, intent to ignore reason
Audacity retaliated, for fear was true treason
Thus, one built a fort on the quicksands of doubt
The other built a fort with the bricks of just clout
Each fought for a view with the figment of dreams
The tools of dissent fail to perish, it seems.

[Pendragon]

Mae in May

She always said "Come up and see me sometime!"
Her voice sultry and sexy, her lips inviting
She captured men with her eyelids
Her Siren call could make men tremble
Hot and Bothered were her loyal servants
Men melted like tallow candles before her perfumed breath
It was the lips that drew men first
And her lips were Dali's sofa of love
Where one could lie in her white soft arms
And vanish in a dream within a dream

(C) 5/9/2013
Pendragon

[prendrelemick]

The Lips of Mae


Lips
Lushly,
Plumped,
Puckerous,
Voluptuous,
Plumpalicious,
Voliplumptious,
Labialiciously,
Volulipness
Puckeriplump
Plumpavolupty,
Luxlylabialnes
Plumplylushe
lushalicious
Lippylabial
Lipolabia.
Bouche
Sofa.

[Dark Muse]

She With the Red Lips

Such plush red lips
which I could sink down into,
dreaming Gatsby dreams,
of days long past,
and things forever lost,
my glammer goddess
watches over me from behind
the big screen,
while she dances between
the shades of truth and lies,
French perfume fills the air,
and I recall the whiteness
of fingers holding long, long cigarettes.
we all lived to die, and died to live,
with no thoughts for far away tomorrows.

[cafolini]

Watch'm goats'n floowersoosoon
Theydereat toory daysies'an'moonit
Or'mjamp yarder braniacar
nstompyafoonish

[Adolescent09]

I said I had to itch and she said, "Stop stroking your stick. You're being too phallic"

[Adolescent09]

The Lips of Mae


Lips
Lushly,
Plumped,
Puckerous,
Voluptuous,
Plumpalicious,
Voliplumptious,
Labialiciously,
Volulipness
Puckeriplump
Plumpavolupty,
Luxlylabialnes
Plumplylushe
lushalicious
Lippylabial
Lipolabia.
Bouche
Sofa.

This was fantastic. I'm not sure if you intended this, but for me, the pictorial form can be viewed in three ways: with the lips mirroring the viewer; with the lips facing to the right at a 90º angle to the viewer; and as the tip of Cupid's arrow.

[prendrelemick]

Thanks.
Only the lip shape was intentional, the rest is coincidence. The words are supposed to make your lips pucker and smack as you say them

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

.
Elegy to the West (A Dali With Ruby Lips)

The boys were lured west by Greeley’s refrain,
chasing the swaggered scent of her foxtail train.
Many a mate held fast to her inflated charms,
longing to press plush lips, caress porcelain arms.
Dali’s stage held sway to lovers flirtive sport
parried with double entendre, her sultry retort.
Suitors climb crimson peaks to kiss the western sky
and glimpse the Pre-Code sun as she closes her eye.
Receding beams yield to darkening vaudeville days.
Silver screen’s now tarnished by a surrealist craze.
Brightest stars are cast along Hollywood and Vine.
The magnitude of hers will never decline.

[Melanie]

A Salvador Dali Conversation

"Mae" I
have this seat?
under your
sultry wink?
On velvet sofa lips
of hot-seated attitude?
Your fans cooed
as prudes eschewed

We share a
commonality
your
unconventional
morality
and my
unconventional
art

[cacian]

rouge lips
red lips
colour tips
red whips
shimmer tricks
night shade
bathe fade

[YesNo]

Time is up! Thanks for all the entries.

adolescent09: I liked the meter, rhyme and alliteration especially the b sound in the third line. This one begs to be read aloud.

Pendragon: It did seem to be the lips and eyelids and how she used them that made West attractive.

prendrelemick: Great visual presentation of Dali's sofa or Mae West's lips. I especially liked the word "lushalicious".

Dark Muse: I liked the "shades of truth and lies" and "lived to die and died to live". Now that I think of it Dali and
West remind me of Gatsby.

cafolini: Ah, you pleasantly remind me of Joyce!

Adolescent09: I don't know if this was a second entry, but I will consider it as one. It is clear and powerful and fits the theme.

Gilliatt Gurgle: Nice comparison of going west and West's name. I liked the last two lines.

Melanie: I liked the comparison between West's and Dali's unconventionality.

cacian: Nice short lines with good meter. I liked the last two lines with the -ade rhyme.



The winner is prendrelemick!

Constructing a set of words that looked like both West's lips and Dali's sofa seemed right in line with the pattern.

[Melanie]

The Lips of Mae


Lips
Lushly,
Plumped,
Puckerous,
Voluptuous,
Plumpalicious,
Voliplumptious,
Labialiciously,
Volulipness
Puckeriplump
Plumpavolupty,
Luxlylabialnes
Plumplylushe
lushalicious
Lippylabial
Lipolabia.
Bouche
Sofa.
Okay, now say that ten times fast LOL
A much deserved winner!! Woo hoo!!
"puckeriplump" made me giggle. You should
write your own dictionary...love the words.

[Melanie]

double post deleted

[prendrelemick]

Thankyou.

And now..... Party time!


http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/dancing-at-party_zpsac9b1cd3.jpg (http://s85.photobucket.com/user/prendrelemick/media/dancing-at-party_zpsac9b1cd3.jpg.html)

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Congrats prendrelemick, a literal picture poem.

[Adolescent09]

You're on fire in the poetry contest section, prendrel! Congrats! Really cool image to boot ;)
I'll be busy with work later, so sorry for my hasty entry.

Chopped and Screwed Tchaikovsky
Adol09

Pick it up, drop the kick, dance a bit to groovy licks!
Goldy locks soggy mops trickle the floor with salt drips!
She's lookin' hype, the night is light, the mood is right, can I get in?
Convulsive beats? Get off your seats! hippies, 'emo's and hovering hoots
We'll rock this night like long ago
when flutes and pipes amped up the show!!!

[kittypaws]

Strobe lights, teeth white.
Party time tonight!
Dancing to sweet sweat
And morning dreams.
Gosh your tits
Look good tonight!

kittypaws

[Dark Muse]

Night Club

She stood out amid the crowd,
and suddenly it was as if
no one else was around,
when she laughed it drowned out
all other sound.

Her eyes pulled me though,
magnetized I was drawn to her,
my feet barely moved,
it was electric attraction.

And she made my body move,
in ways I never imagined,
I wanted to watch her dance,
the way the light hit her face,
it was enough to make my heart stop.

But her hair on my face,
it jolts me back to life,
and in the middle of everything,
we are alone in the room,
everyone else fades
out of my range of vision.

When her body moves
all I want to do is catch hold of her
and pull her close wishing this night
will never end.

[YesNo]

Cuties move their bodies, bared
Suggesting fresh surprise,
Competing for him while he stared
Giggling to his eyes.

[cacian]

a party mood
is like a groove
up down
the smooth
it rolls off
prunes
in music
tunes
the dance floor
moves
a punch
and sooth
it sounds
like soon
petals
of moons
are lit up
noon

[Pendragon]

Never Forget the First Dance

May I have this dance, your blue eyes entrance me
I've been watching you, the way you move so free
I've got to take this chance, may be the only dance I get with you
Hold you in my arms safe from all harm I love you
The way you move is divine, your lips taste like wine I'm intoxicated
I know I took my time, but now the time is right I've waited
Now the music fades will you walk away and leave me?
Or will you hold me tight each and every night believe in me
Forty years ago, but still you know, glad I took the chance
It's our anniversary, come here to me: Baby let's dance!

(C) Pendragon 6/7/2013

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Orbs on the Dance Floor

You’re lost, mesmerized in mammary,
gin doubles the vision, hence the pleasure.
A circus of blondes completes the plenary,
one after another, an ocular treasure!

You cleave to the shadows they cast,
but time wreaks havoc on firmness at last.

I’m the ring leader at center stage
Watching you perform a shallow charade.
But I am intrigued, you must disengage
synthetic beauty that’ll leave you betrayed.

Follow my Orbs, one yellow, one white
They’re near the arm, the one on her right.

Here I am! … in short auburn crown.
The origin of my roots will not deceive.
My orbs are modest, not cloaked with silk gown,
a natural beauty in peasant weave.

The allure of (O)orbs, flesh or paranormal*,
titillate a hetero fella’s hormonal.



* http://www.theorbwhisperer.com/ (credit YesNo for the link from another thread)

[YesNo]

The orbs that guys prefer to see
Are not out floating mystically,
But come attached: above, a face;
Below, long legs to rock the place.

[prendrelemick]

Anyone else?


I'll decide over the Weekend.

[prendrelemick]

Some interesting and diverse entries.

Adolecent - Liked the same line rhymes. couldn't quite get the rhythm.
Pendragon - Liked it, but too "nice" for the picture I thought.
Dark Muse - The story was good but I found the language a bit too unpoetical.
Cacian - Prunes??? Apart from that, the repeating ooo noises worked well.
Kittypaws - Got the scene spot on. made me laugh.
YesNo - As usual short and pertinant.



Ok you have to find something to differentiate between poems, so the winner is Gilliat Gurgle. I liked the approach of using the girl in the background as an involved narrator, paranormal orbs though!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Some interesting and diverse entries.

Adolecent - Liked the same line rhymes. couldn't quite get the rhythm.
Pendragon - Liked it, but too "nice" for the picture I thought.
Dark Muse - The story was good but I found the language a bit too unpoetical.
Cacian - Prunes??? Apart from that, the repeating ooo noises worked well.
Kittypaws - Got the scene spot on. made me laugh.
YesNo - As usual short and pertinant.



Ok you have to find something to differentiate between poems, so the winner is Gilliat Gurgle. I liked the approach of using the girl in the background as an involved narrator, paranormal orbs though!

I would first like to thank the Academy, bla, bla, bla.
Thanks Mick. Interesting picture selection.
It was difficult to look past the attributes in the foreground, but in the end, I was drawn to the gal in the center.


Here's the next picture, I titled it "Bonito Passages"; a series of openings in the ruins of what is now referred to as "Pueblo Bonito" at Chaco Canyon National Historic Site in New Mexico. Occupied from approximately 850 to 1200.

Here's the National Park Service link...http://www.nps.gov/chcu/historyculture/index.htm


http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/ae114/tabuka1/Chaco%20Culture%20NHS%20and%20New%20Mexico/IMG_1452.jpg (http://s963.photobucket.com/user/tabuka1/media/Chaco%20Culture%20NHS%20and%20New%20Mexico/IMG_1452.jpg.html)

[YesNo]

Through lined doors go light and sound
That thread the rooms with weather
And what's remaining on the ground
Now threads us all together.

[prendrelemick]

At Chaco


Itzil son of Coatl picks up a stone,
It's warm and dusty,
He weighs its possibilities,
Checks its flatness,
Judges its thickess
Checks its fitness
Decides which edge is the face,
Which is the bottom,
Which is the top,
He gauges it against the space,
He checks its match with its neighbour,
He knapps off a back corner,
So it will lie flush and sweet,
He does all this in a second,
Then he lays it.
It lies there still.

[Pendragon]

Doors Within Doors

When you open your mind to possibilities
There are doors within doors on to infinity
Seeking the truth just opens more doors
Each time that you close one will open one more
Infinite diversity in infinite combinations exist
The more that you deny them the harder they are to resist
That door that you protect, that you let no one pass
Could be the one that reveals the whole mess
Open all doors, fear not what you may discover
The answers to life are yours to uncover
But it has to start with the door open to the mind
Then open the others, who knows what you'll find!

Pendragon
(C) 6/18/2013

[Dark Muse]

Dreams of Ariadne

Fleetingly I caught
the ghost-like shape
of a girl in spectral light.

Compulsion overcame me
and I had little choice
but to follow.

She vanished
before my eyes
but her laughter beckoned
me forth.

Down through the doorways
I was led,
they appeared never ending,
as if lost within a maze
which leads nowhere.

Twisting down
archaic pathways
where secrets may never
be revealed,
guided by nothing
but a vision.

How many before
have walked these crumbling halls?
And who is the phantom girl?
What life as she lived?
And where did death find her?

I feel myself Ariadne
as I touch the stone
and my heart quickens a beat
awaiting the Minotaur
to round every corner.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Promotional "bump" and set a deadline.
Let's give it one more week to EOD Saturday 29th.
Nice entries so far btw.

[kittypaws]

Promotional "bump" and set a deadline.
Let's give it one more week to EOD Saturday 29th.
Nice entries so far btw.

Thanks! I am working on something!

kittypaws

[Melanie]

Writer's Block #2 (my first "Writer's Block" poem was in post#1282 re: photo of a canoe on 3/13/13)

illumine imaginations
from stone passages of the mind
in perpetual dimensions
of silenced echoes in time
where poetic songs lie dormant

[Adolescent09]

∃
Adol09

On my trip
to catch lost time
I found it jailed by infinity
No door opened
for no door closed
thus time repented for its
ever openness
and ever closeness
to closed as infinity dozed
while dreaming about time

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Thanks to all for your entries.
Chaco Canyon is a special place for me, full of mystery, offering quiet solitude and time to reflect on a culture that left no written record, all we have are shaped stones, artifacts, petro glyphs and oral histories passed down to their descendents.
Having walked among the walls, scrambled along the cliffs, seen the night sky so clear the Milky Way is easily tracked from horizon to horizon, it is a delight to read poems on the subject.

YesNo
A simple yet compelling thought, especially the notion of the ruins threading us together.

Prendrelemick
“…He gauges it against the space,
He checks its match with its neighbor,…”
“…It lies there still.”
Very nice, making the rocks the focal point of the poem. Itzil and Coatl? Interesting choice of names, if only they had left us clues about their language and names.

Prendragon
An entirely different approach with the motivational lesson for life.

Dark Muse
Greek mythology and the “ancient ones” of Chaco Canyon, far removed from each other in so many ways except for the common thread of mythology and its significance to each culture. I favored the 5th and 6th stanzas believing they have a stronger connection to the mystery of the place.

Melanie
Like YesNo, simple but stirring, imagining the echoes of the “ancient ones” sounding off the canyon walls.

Adolescent09
I was struck by the imagery of the first lines feeling that this is the stronger half of the poem, recalling my first “trip” there to “catch lost time”.

All are worthy, but alas only one must be chosen, one combines both the imagery of the openings and the mystery of a vanished people.

My choice is Melanie’s poem tipping the scale with these lines:

“…stone passages of the mind”
“of silenced echoes in time
where poetic songs lie dormant”

Well done.

[Pendragon]

Congrats, Melanie!

[Melanie]

Thank you so much Gilliatt (and Pendragon). The photo you posted was perfect for inspiration. Good job with that! I'll get a photo posted soon.

[Melanie]

Here is your next photo. It's a painting I did and I'll post the title below in case you don't want to be influenced by it when choosing a theme for your poem. You may feel free to interpret the painting any way you want...or you may use the title and quote below for your poem.

http://i1312.photobucket.com/albums/t540/melaniespoetry/2bed1a6b-c27e-47be-8711-ebec8fcd0d6b_zps19c6ad0f.jpg (http://s1312.photobucket.com/user/melaniespoetry/media/2bed1a6b-c27e-47be-8711-ebec8fcd0d6b_zps19c6ad0f.jpg.html)
The title of the painting is "Deforestation". I edited out a quote for here (so that you all
wouldn't be locked into that single interpretation but that still appears on the original) is
"Thank God they cannot cut down the clouds" ~Thoreau. Feel free to use it...or not.

[YesNo]

The trees that shade the ancient native mounds
Above the swamp drained by a winding brook
That marked the way a thousand years ago
Now have a suburb to make clear their edge
And trails that take us past their mysteries
Of bear and rabbit shapes upon the ground.
Some geese rise up in graceful, morning flight.
We watch them blending with the springtime air.
They watch us, too, perhaps with peaceful wonder.

[prendrelemick]

You did that!! That's a great picture.


Dreams of Trees

In the deepest part of the ancient wood,
Where beneath their twisted mossy boughs,
The trees hoard the darkness,
Never allowing a chink of it out into the light,
There, down in a deep valley,
Where no bird sings or squirrel stirs,
Where no green shoot has risen for a hundred years,
There sleeps the oldest tree,
Its knarled trunk and knotted roots,
Twist and groan,
As it dreams it's a seagull again.

[Pendragon]

Song For the Trees

The trees form a frame around the birds that are flying South
The frame of the forest gets thinner every day
The uncertain philosophy that doesn't quite save the trees
How will we ever replace them once they are gone away?

In the name of progress we keep destroying the forest
The birds fly away to a new place where there is food
Sometimes we just don't think of how many species go extinct
Our children may never know wildlife the way that they should

In the name of humanity, we must stop this insanity
The world doesn't just belong to us we must learn to share
But people will read this poem turn around and keep going on
The fact of the matter is most people don't care

So when we all choke on pollution, once we had a solution
The trees breath in CO2 and exhale oxygen for us to use
With the destruction of all the trees goes hope for humanity
Are we ever going to wake up or are we just ignorant fools?

Pendragon
(C) 7.5.2013

[Dark Muse]

Sky Window

We looked out the sky window
watching silhouettes of birds
flying beyond reach,
but still we stretched our arms
in the air as if we could touch their features,
in the end we locked fingers and our hands
flew together.

The trees towered above
making it feel as if we were ever falling,
dizzy with giddiness in our half-waking dreams,
we danced without ever leaving
our bed of nettles and leaves.

Here we were free
to roam vast landscapes,
we traversed the world together
locking arms we could rise up with the birds
which soared overhead while gently
we slumbered tangled
in one another.

[Melanie]

All these poems are sooo good!
And thank you prendrelemick...yes, I painted it and didn't like it at first, but it's growing on me.
I'm trying to loosen up more. Maybe I should try a margarita.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Melanie,
What is the deadline?
I'm piecing one together between work, emptying the cat box, grilling, etc.
btw- It's nice to see another painter in the house.

[Melanie]

Oh, thank you for the reminder, Gilliatt. I'll say:

deadline is July 20th...judging on the 21st.

[cacian]

blue skies
are blue
birds flying
through
mountains
and few
adorne grow
and brew
palaces of hue
pastels
and view
white skies
are true
purist is lured

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

(experiment in 10 syllables, but that is about as much "form" as I could eek out)

I awoke to abnormal light passing
through apertures unnatural in shape.
Hewn by the axe, their blows still resonate
off pillars in my forest cathedral.
Those darkening clouds portend a deluge
without pause to mingle with leaves above.
Torrents erode my primeval carpet,
sewn through eons with autumn’s fallen threads.
But John, now you can see a thousand stars.
Nothing as compared to the fire flies lights!
John, now you may enjoy flocks, clouds and blue.
Meadows give me that and butterflies too.
Hold fast to your ground my Aspens and Larch
and to the east you Ash and Chinquapin!
Let only a shimmering breeze shake you.
While the axe cuts holes in harvesting tracts,
preserve the virgin woods left in my name.

http://www.nps.gov/muwo/index.htm

[Melanie]

Wow, let me say to everyone that there isn't a mediocre poem in the bunch...they are all excellent! After I posted my painting, I thought "what an egotistical [expletive] I was to think that my painting would be inspirational to anyone but myself" and I began to doubt whether anyone would respond, but luckily you all are a talented and creative group that relentlessly rise to the challenge, as you all do so well...and I breathed a sigh of relief. In fact, it was quite an unexpected trip to receive attentive interpretations. I hadn't foreseen that perk and it was exhilarating. I'm so grateful.

YesNo...Your use of time comparisons of "a thousand years ago" to the present "trails that take us past their mysteries" was a delightful approach. I particularly liked the way your last two lines changed the perspective from "We watch them blending with the springtime air."...to "They watch us, too, perhaps with peaceful wonder." Very, very nice.

prendrelemick...that last line, "as it dreams it's a seagull again", is to die for!...although the word "again" confuses me a bit. No matter, I still like it. Your excellent imagery really pulled me into your poem with "beneath their twisted mossy boughs...trees hoard the darkness...there sleeps the oldest tree, it's gnarled trunk and knotted roots twist and groan". I could smell the moss, feel the trees, see the darkness, and hear the groaning of the tree in the silence....wow.

Pendragon...Love, love, love the title "Song for the Trees". You nailed the essence of the deforestation dilemma in such a poetic way that really grips the reader emotionally and exposes people's apathy and it's frightening aftermath. YES to your last line "are we ever going to wake up or are we just ignorant fools". We must listen to what the earth is telling us and use only Earth's resources that we absolutely need, and then recycle. Wonderful poem.

Dark Muse...The first stanza was my favorite. "...flying beyond reach" and "as if we could touch their features". At first, I read "features" as "feathers" and kind of liked that too. "We locked fingers and our hands flew together" was very beautiful imagery.

cacian..."purist is lured" is a great line and I loved "palaces of hue...pastels...and view". I came really close to understanding all of your poem and thoroughly enjoyed it. Your title pulled it all together quite nicely as I thought your focus on colors lent itself well to "canvas of nature". Great title.

Gilliatt Gurgle...the way you turned this into somewhat of a tribute to the late John Muir is brilliant. It was intriguing the way you tucked your "conversation" with him in the heavens, midway within Muir's narration . You have so many lovely, poetic lines like "primeval carpet sewn through eons with autumn's fallen threads" and "their blows still resonate off pillars in my forest cathedral". And then the way you present a warning issued by Muir, as if a father to his "children" (aka trees) to "hold fast to your ground my Aspen and Larch...let only a shimmering breeze shake you"...so endearing.

As you can see, this was the toughest judging yet but the winner is....Gilliatt Gurgle. John Muir's perspective was a nice touch and you had some great poetic lines.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

I am touched by your remarks and appreciate the effort in preparing them.
The ego needs bolstering now and then, in this instance, putting yourself “out there” by posting your own painting paid off.
I find the painting to be a nice composition, well executed, inspirational and worthy of the lines.

My “roof”, “pillars” and “cathedral” references were inspired from recent reading and image search on Chartres Cathedral, in preparation for the next B&F Thanksgiving piece. As I read about Gothic cathedrals in general, I was reminded how the architecture was inspired by the forests:

“The forest of the Gauls passed in turn into temples of our fathers, and our oak forest have thus preserved their sacred origins. These vaults incised with leaves, these socles that support the walls and end brusquely like broken tree trunks, the coolness of the vaults, the shadows of the Sanctuary, the dark aisles, the secret, passages, the low doors, all evokes in a Gothic church the labyrinth of the forests…” James Snyder Medieval Art – Painting, Sculpture, Architecture 4th-14th Century

Nice entries by all, it was enjoyable reading them.
Next, we have a photograph by Henri Cartier-Bresson, a photographer I discovered at the Art Institute of Chicago about 3 years ago.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henri_Cartier-Bresson

Here is Aquila degli Abruzzi:

http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/ae114/tabuka1/Paintings%20Drawings%20and%20Sculpture/HenriCartier-BressonAquiladegliAbruzzi.jpg (http://s963.photobucket.com/user/tabuka1/media/Paintings%20Drawings%20and%20Sculpture/HenriCartier-BressonAquiladegliAbruzzi.jpg.html)

Deadline - Let's shoot for end of Saturday August 17th

[Pendragon]

Congrats, GG!

[prendrelemick]

That was one of your best yet GG.

[cacian]

great feedback Melanie thank you:)
and congratulations Gilliat it is indeed a great piece :)

[Pendragon]

ora pro nobis

The sign above the door reads "Pray for Us."
Every moment, every hour, every day
We have so much going on that we don't understand
Could you send me kind wishes, if you don't pray?
Nobody knows the troubles I've seen
Are words in a song that were just words to me
How the mighty have fallen! Sand castles fall down
I never thought of how cruel life can be
I don't ask for your money, your pity, your tears
Just a breath of encouragement, a word of hope
Lend me your prayers, warm wishes, uplifting words
Sometimes the smallest whisper is what helps me cope

[YesNo]

Black and white,
Lines and light
Curves to trap the eyes
Flowing down,
Through the town
Where the wonder lies.

[prendrelemick]

Prayers of St. Dié

Mother Pray for us,
For the children at the school door,
For the Widows who carry the bread to the market place.
And the street sweeper under the tree.
For the old men gathered in front of the hotel,
For the young men gathered in England,
And for those hiding in the Mountains of Vosages,
For those arrested by the Wehrmacht,
For those who disappeared in the night.
Pray for them and for us, who wait.

[Melanie]

Take my hand and come with me
Through rhythmic patterns and pauses
Down pebbled streets, between stone walls
Around spiral stairway balustrades.

Amid all the complexities
Of shapes and textures and history
Live pure and humble humankind
In simple commonality.

Feed the birds. Gather to bake breads.
Let's share their lives of tranquility
Centered in prayer, "Ora Pro Nobis"
In Aquila Degli Abruzzi.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Nice entries so far...

[Pendragon]

Anybody awake here? This is a month overdue for judging! Helloooooooooo! :confused5::confused5::confused5:

Pen

[Melanie]

In Post #1360, below the photo:

Deadline - Let's shoot for end of Saturday August 17th
This is only the 12th....5 days to go yet.
But reminders are always welcomed. TY, pendragon
Maybe some others would like to post an entry.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Deadline - Let's shoot for end of Saturday August 17th

It's only 10:20 AM here, but it's the end of the day somewhere in the world right?, so let's move on...

Interesting that most picked up on the “Ora pro nobis”, when I hadn’t given it a second thought initially when taking in the overall composition of the image. I suspect, however, that Bresson was well aware of the words with his strategic, but subtle placement at the highest point of the image so the sentiment may dominate the cascade of daily humble activity in L’Aqulia from above.
The headwater’s of a stream begins with a prayer.

Pendragon
Interesting take by crafting the poem entirely upon the words “ora pro nobis”.
I struggled a bit with the meter/ flow of the 3rd and 4th lines and the wording “so much going on”. When reading about L’Aquila, I learned that the city and region has suffered through many devastating earthquakes, the most recent in 2009. The second half of your poem starting with “How the mighty…”, alludes to the past devastation, in my interpretation, with words; “Fallen”, “sand castles fall down”, cruel life”, etc., quite strong.
Inspiring poem.

YesNo
Short and to the point, you captured the essence of the “mechanics” of Bresson’s image composition. Having now convinced myself that Bresson’s subtle placement of “ora pro nobis”, is crucial to his underlying theme, causes me to lean toward those poems that make reference to it.

Prendrelemick
From L’Aquila in Italy to eastern France and St. Dié, you stumped me on this one. Perhaps the point is that this image could be any number of places, away from the battle, in a village of war torn Europe. Regardless of where the image was taken, the message is the same.

Melanie
This poem does it all; it speaks well to the cascading composition touching on the various elements in the first stanza, followed by themes of humble tranquil life in small Italian enclave their lives dominated by prayer, beseeching prayer and ending in a nice touch by mentioning L’Aquila.
“Oro” or “Ora”?

I’m giving the edge to Melanie.
Congratulations Melanie

Nice entries by all, maybe we can get others to join in?

[Melanie]

I feel quite honored as I know it was a slight edge...all were so good. I was impressed with the picture choice which inspired many of us. Good one, Gilliatt. It made for a fun challenge. I'll spend a little time trying to find one that also inspires. Hopefully, it will be up before the end of tomorrow, maybe today even.
(oops...ora...ty, I'll change that).

[Melanie]

So, here we go....
(deadline september 10th)
http://i1312.photobucket.com/albums/t540/melaniespoetry/d22b14351eeadeda67a12e8946326d75_zps758fe573.jpg (http://s1312.photobucket.com/user/melaniespoetry/media/d22b14351eeadeda67a12e8946326d75_zps758fe573.jpg.h tml)

[cacian]

the cycle of life
it moves suave
across the
layers of
timeless prayers
a human shape
a lady's height
passes its light
silent but might
to evening's bright
that's perfect sight

[Pendragon]

Shadows of the Future

She is a shadow on a bridge of shadows
Etched by the sun on a background of light
Perhaps heading home, perhaps starting a journey
Is it dawn of day, or the falling of night?

Maybe today she had problems to face,
Maybe there's a long road ahead
She placidly pushes her bicycle over the bridge
Either ready for the workday or bed

The photograph catches only the silhouette
It cannot record what's in her mind
But she pushes her bicycle on to the future
And she comes walking behind...

Pendragon
© 8/27/2013

[Hawkman]

On the Bridge

She walks with timeless ease,
leading her bicycle across
the gold-divided sky—

above, the blue; below,
the reeds, and water
lapping at the bank.

Beyond the stream
lie trees and grasslands
verdant in the sun,

but she, above them all,
silhouetted,
passes on.

[YesNo]

That distant smoke meant trouble.
The air is blue above.
She's silhouetted in the sky.
Her bike's by her. The bridge is high.
What is she thinking of?

[prendrelemick]

The Woman.

Stop time now,
At this perfect moment,
As she stands outside the frame,
Held in unspoiled blue,
Above the grim miasma
Of the world beneath,
Before she steps from her pedestal
Down into ordinariness,
Before her shoulders stoop,
From the weight of the day,
And I let my held breath go.

The camera grants half the wish,
Her shadow will remain forever on the bridge,
A picture of enchanted grace,
Her body will cross over, back into life,
Dirty, grubby Life! with all its joys and sorrows.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

The Golden Section

Portrait of a girl; a silhouette in black,
strolls above the vernacular
of her austere world.
Provincial composition framed,
in Mondrian proportions;
a tree, a thatched dwelling, a reed.
Sooty, burnt gray of harvested cane,
splashes the scrim,
of her yellow ochre dusk.

[kittypaws]

Upon my airy spoken wings
I swallowed all there was.
New horizon dusted with peace
Land lay to sleep.
Dawn awakes to day.
I feel determined to follow thee
Until the pedal of life is exhausted.
New adventures
Everyday.


Kittypaws

[tailor STATELY]

http://i1312.photobucket.com/albums/t540/melaniespoetry/d22b14351eeadeda67a12e8946326d75_zps758fe573.jpg


Easy as...

A higher
point
of
view leads one to
a
straight and narrow path
A nobler purpose if you desire
Let the
spirit be your guide, and
yes, you will be blessed
Cultivate
gifts of the spirit;
be charitable above all
Keep covenants made, never waver;
hearken to the still small voice
Rise above the turmoil, eschewing
contention
If need
be - repent
The righteous seek life eternal
HIS yoke is Light...

9/8/2013 r.9/9/2013 r.9/10/2013

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Melanie]

Gilliatt Gurgle - every line of this poem was artfully mastered, from "provincial composition framed in Mondrian proportions", to "splashes the scrim of her yellow ochre dusk". Your artist-self was very evident in this piece. I like it when a poem effortlessly reveals so much about the writer. Well executed too.

Hawkman - many good lines here like "with timeless ease", "above the blue; below the reeds". The last stanza was a skillful closure that I particularly liked: "but she, above them all, silhouetted, passes on." Great ending.

prendrelemick - I liked how you began with the stop action of the camera in a commanding "stop time now" that grabbed my attention. You made a very interesting contrast between a "perfect moment...in unspoiled blue" and "above a grim miasma". Also, I liked your astute acknowledgement of the camera's accomplishment: "her shadow will remain forever on the bridge" partially granting her wish to remain in the moment. Cleverly crafted.

cacian - another clever title, and your idea of the "cycle of life moving across layers of timeless prayers" was beautifully worded...one of my favorite poems of yours.

Pendragon - you offered thought provoking questions based on your unique observations that was very engaging for your readers. Well done.

YesNo - you also offered a thought provoking question based on your unique observations that was very engaging for your readers. Well done to you too.

tailorSTATELY - an inspirational take on this photo from a "higher point of view on a straight and narrow path"...brilliant perspective I found to be very enlightening. The "of" on a line of it's own, as well as the "a" kind of made me stumble a little while reading it but that's just me (see tailorStately's explanation below...very creative reasoning...good job). Lots of wisdom packed into this poem. Excellent.

Kittypaws - Your opening line of "Upon my airy spoken wings" was soothingly descriptive and very intriguing. I couldn't help but notice your poem was uniquely written in first-person...no one else embraced it quite as personally as you did, and your approach of wide-eyed wonder and positive outlook for your future was refreshing. Your line, "new horizons dusted with peace" embodied the serenity of the whole image. This gentle, mellow poem was a pleasure to read.

This is really a tough choice. I'm really debating. Everyone deserves recognition.

Congratulations Kittypaws!

[tailor STATELY]

Congratulations Kittypaws !



The aforementioned "of" and "a" were on lines requiring only 1-syllable; the sequence being: 3.1415926535897932384... as ascribed by the pylons and path, and bicycle wheels ( the "." designated as the word "point" ). Easy as... pi ( π )

I am remiss: Thank you Melanie for your kind words.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[cacian]

Melanie thank you very much for the feedback and Kittypaws well done a well deserved win :)

[Pendragon]

Congrats KittyPaws. and thank you to Melanie for the kind words!

[prendrelemick]

There were some really excellent poems for that one, I'm glad I wasn't judging. Well done Melanie that was a great pic and pick. Congratuations KittyPaws.

[prendrelemick]

Congratulations Kittypaws !

The aforementioned "of" and "a" were on lines requiring only 1-syllable; the sequence being: 3.1415926535897932384... as ascribed by the pylons and path, and bicycle wheels ( the "." designated as the word "point" ). Easy as... pi ( π )

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

Clever!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Thank you Melanie for the comments.
btw- do you mind telling us about the picture? was it a random find? one you took?, location?, etc.

Well done KP

[Melanie]

I sure hope Kittypaws scrolls up to read the big news. Meanwhile, thank you for your comments everyone.

tailorSTATELY, I now have a new respect for your "a" and "of". Thx for taking the time to explain. I agree with prendrelemick, clever!

Gilliatt, I don't know the photographer's name but it's the U Bein's bridge (longest teak bridge in the world, almost a mile long) near Amarapura, Myanmar (in Burma near Mandalay). Everyday at dawn and again at sunset the monks and local villagers traverse the bridge. I didn't have this information when I posted it for the contest...might be just as well because it may have narrowed the creative field for some. I thought it was someplace in Kansas, ha. I'm so glad you asked. Check out this similar photo from Flickr: www.flickr.com/photos/35434356@N06/3282183144

That link was working but it may not now. If not just go to "google images" and type in U Bein's Bridge.

[kittypaws]

I am here.

Thank you Melanie for the kind words. And thank YOU all for the congrats. :blush5:

I am glad you enjoyed it. I was also taken by surprise that you recognized my wide eye wonderment and positive outlook. I was not trying to achieve that in writing this short little piece....I reckon my true self just came through, perhaps that had something to do with writing in 1st person....which honestly I never gave it a second thought.

The image you posted inspired me. I watched it, felt it and wrote what I felt.

I too feel that all the submission were very good....as they always are.:)

so I reckon I get to post the next image?
Then have to judge within a couple of weeks?

Ohhhhh.....I'm not to sure how I will do at judging others works but I will give it my best shot.

Give me a day or two for the image, please.

kittypaws

[kittypaws]

To All ~

Here is my image submission for your creative writing minds.

http://i801.photobucket.com/albums/yy299/kittypaws_jones/Fantasy/photoprompt.jpg

Dream on....

Kittypaws

[Dark Muse]

The Halls of Ruined Lives

Nothing remains but the echoes
of laughter
which titter down the halls,
like the fleeting mad
who once resided here.

The silence is almost worse
for you feel as if you are never quite alone,
and fear to turn around,
the irony that all too soon
your own sanity starts to melt away.

The raving howls sweep
down the halls like a lonely wind,
is that a knocking somewhere?
Or just your own heartbeat?

Here is where nightmares
were made of those who
lived their lives in a perpetual
dream.

And you only skim the edge
of this distorted reality
and against all reason
you continue to venture
further into the hallway
of lost souls.

[Pendragon]

Behemoth

Running with the fanatical energy of fear
down the dark, ebony boulevard,
I hear the thunderous trumpeting of the beast,
buried somewhere in the blackness behind me,
and the very ground shakes and trembles
with each furious footfall of my unmerciful pursuer.
I glance fearfully over my shoulder,
but I cannot discern the dim form
anywhere among the walls of obscurity behind me.
Dizziness comes over me,
and then the night streets become corridors,
long, empty hallways in my mind
stretching towards a beckoning doorway.
I know that if I can reach it, I am safe.
But still I hear the echoing thud of large feet,
and a mind-numbing, bone-chilling roar...

Pendragon

[YesNo]

At the end of the tunnel the light
Tempts me kindly to follow my sight.
Though an insect who flies
To a light likely dies,
Death retreats while that shining stays bright.

[cacian]

happy hollow
to lights follow
corridor sorrows
empty has long
shadowing wrong
eternity narrows

__________________________________________________ _________________

the hall in
the corridor
looks old
the windows
sleepy feel sole
the lights
shimmer
and only dimmer
the shadows
silhouette
to walls they
fret
the image
that sets
is ancient
but bête

[Melanie]

http://i1312.photobucket.com/albums/t540/melaniespoetry/photoprompt_zpsdabaf5e3.jpg (http://s1312.photobucket.com/user/melaniespoetry/media/photoprompt_zpsdabaf5e3.jpg.html)

perfect symmetry
interrupted by shadows
of time and decay
sitting in darkness
my eyes open
not knowing the future

all that remains is light
seeping through illusions
of repetition and pattern
spilling into my view
through silent corridors
my name written on its walls

[Pendragon]

Bump!

[kittypaws]

I would image it is time to chose which poem I feel seems to fulfill the photo.

Dark Muse
I felt your poem described very well what one who lives in an asylum may feel.

Pendragon
Your poem does describe quite well the enormous and terrible feeling of the image and I liked how you used the door as an escape.

YesNo
A very positive view of this image. I liked how you saw it through different eyes. Well done.

cacian
I liked the flow of your poem. Good job.

Melaine
"perfect symmetry
interrupted by shadows
of time and decay
sitting in darkness
my eyes open
not knowing the future"
I liked this verse and thought it did a good job of capturing the mood of the image.

It is hard to pick a winner as I think each one of you are winners and all write so very well.

OK....I choose Dark Muse for this one.

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much. When I saw the picture, the first thing that popped into my head was an abandoned Asylum. (Of course that is what I would think of) I will have a new picture soon.

[Dark Muse]

Ok, here is your next photo


http://d3oeu2l8qd7s1b.cloudfront.net/260623-946863-7.jpg

Deadline: October 15th

[EvoWarrior5]

http://d3oeu2l8qd7s1b.cloudfront.net/260623-946863-7.jpg


My way out

A glimmer of hope is visible through my eyes.
A way out of the darkness, a way out of the lies.

I’ve grabbed my stuff, ready to go.
But where I’m going, I don’t know.

Away from all this fear and dread.
Away from all the things unsaid.

To run away from all my woe,
I plan to take the road of crow.

The only thing I see ahead
Is peace and quiet in my head.

Don’t stop me now, I’m almost there.
It’s time to end my great despair.

~ Evo

[YesNo]

Black and white and one way out.
You take it and don't think about
Some safer path that might be there.
While we see monsters everywhere
It's not that dark. For you, it's bright.
Those monsters fear you day or night.

[prendrelemick]

Terrific photo.

[Rowan]

Alright, here's my entry. It's one of my first, so don't throw food. :)



An apple is only as fair as it’s skin
Men say
And men only as good as their mien
‘Tis a pity then that serendipity has
Has you roaming through the dark.
With your mind full of pleasure and a skin with a grin
Hair with merriment
Lips which kiss
Eyes that the holy see
What a mishap then that this mishappened
Where a roaring mass of rampant men
Would have squabbled ceaselessly
About the colors they would employ
the curses they would spree
And now we only see
as a black apple
your many supposed colours wandering through the dark
your many supposed virtues undefined
Woe is me and
woe is you

- Roo

[prendrelemick]

A girl shaped space

Since you left,
You're not everywhere,
Not in the street, not on the stair,
Others cannot see,
The swing of your hips,
The shine of your hair,
And walk straight past,
Your girl shaped space.
But I stop and stare,
I catch your evanescence on the air,
I see you not there, and there,
I see the space you've left,
Everywhere.

[Melanie]

Eternity

from downtown insanity
to uptown eternity,
no package nor baggage
through a narrow passage
will enter the gates
of paradise...
only you

so simplify, let go
temptations to spend, forego
one can admire it
but needn't own it
and what's saved can be
gifted to...
help others

[Pendragon]

She faces the steps of black and white
Wondering if that is all there is of life
Shouldn't things be shades of gray?
Shouldn't one be free to chose their own way?
They say to her that the way to the top is these stairs
But she sees beyond the prejudice and indignant stares
If the stairs of black and white are the only way
She straightens her shoulders, turns, and walks away

Pendragon

[cacian]

way out it says
high up
is wake.
another
take on
life awaits.
or so to sake
its path
a lady makes
a walk up
jake.
out of the
fake
and onto
the light
the journey
faiths
a better date.

[slipee]

While heels clap and click
over edges moonlit
garnished by the late-hour allure
ascent lulls her each step
Fidelity's Silhouette
and tonight her escape is assured

[cacian]

bump :)

[Dark Muse]

Thank you all who entered. This one was really hard, there were so many great entrees it was difficult to make myself pick a single winner.


YesNo

I enjoyed the concept of the poem and particularly liked the last line, and the idea that it is not only the dark to be feared, but the black widow is feared in the light as well. I did feel that some of the line breaks, and use of punctuation was a bit awkward at points, which made it more difficult to read, because it did not really flow smoothly.

Roawn

Really liked the originality of your poem, the first line caught my attention right away and drew me into wanting to read more. A great use of language. I really liked the subtle suggestiveness and sensuality and also enjoyed the play upon the apple symbolism.

prendrelemick

Love the concept and creativity of this poem. Just an interesting and original idea. I thought it was great the way this poem played with the idea of negative space. It is not what is seen, but what is not seen. I also liked how it was a bit satirical of the more traditional/cliched poem of lost love. I thought the opening lines were great.

Melanie

A beautiful poem and very well written. I particularly enjoyed the first stanza of the poem. I also liked the way in which this poem offered the opportunity of hope, there was a nice light hearted feel to it, and some evocative
imagery. I really enjoyed the lines
"from downtown insanity
to uptown eternity"

Pendragon

Really enjoyed the since of rebellion within this poem. I liked the way it challenged the idea presented within the picture, and offered another possibility, another path. I also enjoyed how the poem also made for a nice metaphor for life in general and the way we perceive things, the choices we always have the ability to make.

cacian

I really liked this one, cryptic as always. I enjoyed the use of rhyme and the originality. Your poems are always though provoking and entice the reader into multiple reads. I think there is a lot of power and meaning within this short poem. Finely crafted.

slipee

A very good poem with some vivid imagery which says a lot in a few short lines. Loved the visual this poem gave me, and the way in which it evoked the other senses. It really drew me into the scene. Also enjoyed the somewhat ambivalent nature. Much like the picture it suggests some possible dark undertone, and gives a touch of mystery.


And the winner is.....

EvoWarrior5

I felt your poem really captured the mood and atmosphere of the picture quite well. There was some good imagery here, and I also liked the way in which the poem told a story. In the same way in which the picture has dark undertone, while offering the possibility of light your poem shifts between despair, and freedom and hope.

[mazHur]

No PICTURE??

I can see a dull sky
spanning the blank screen of my puter
As clouds float in the overhead sky
A gaggle of Kaleidoscopic pictures begins to appear
and light-paint a picture there
worth a thousand words!

[EvoWarrior5]

Wow, thank you Dark Muse!

I did not expect to win, this was my first time and all. I gotta head off to bed now but I will make sure to post a new picture and deadline here tomorrow!

[Rowan]

No picture?! My man, you're right!

Where there once was a picture
of Picasso or one's dickpic,
there now is a hole
where I wish he would stick
.. a pic.

Voila.

[mazHur]

Black holes in the sky
Try to suck you in
Like a camel sucking water
and making us thirsty so
the picture gets completed.

[cacian]

Black holes in the sky
Try to suck you in
Like a camel sucking water
and making us thirsty so
the picture gets completed.

great read!!!
mazHur where have you been haha nice to see you back!! :)

[cacian]

Dark Muse thank you and Evo congratulations a well deserved win indeed!!! :)

[mazHur]

great read!!!
mazHur where have you been haha nice to see you back!! :)

Hi casian

I am here, back again, alive and kicking!
Thanks to my mod friend Veronica who is kind enough to give me a 'wake up' call whenever I am lost!:)
How are you doing??
Nice to hear from you, my friend.

Take care and keep in touch
love.

[EvoWarrior5]

Alright, here is the picture I picked for you:

http://i.imgur.com/ErFXCbP.png

I'm excited to see what poems will come out of it and I am happy with this opportunity to be the judge!

Please post your entries before Sunday the 3rd of November. That's the day I will make sure to declare the winner.

Good luck everybody!

[YesNo]

The sun is rising. See the light
Reflected by the quiet bay.
Our journey paused because of night,
But now resumes because of day.

[Melanie]

Lone Arctic Kayaker

Stunned into silence by the magnitude
Of pristine beauty untouched by mankind
An inspirational journey in solitude
Nature's delicate balance defined

Humbled by the vastness of space and time
Snow covered mountains and skies mystify
Mirrored in waters of crystal design
Soothed by earth's sanctified lullaby

[Pendragon]

Into Dawn

A yellow triangle
In a world of pale blue
A kayak heading out
On a ocean of adventure
The Person unseen
Rows into the unknown
Purpose unstated, top of the world
Gray stones and blue arctic ice
In a sea of peaceful azure
The yellow triangle's contrast
Points out to sea
In the reflected light
Of a Midnight Sun's glow...

Pendragon

[prendrelemick]

It's how it makes you feel.

Nosing out across the mirrored sky,
Impelled by muscle-will,
Steered by notions,
Ribbed paddle dipwaving,
Through reflected clouds,
Push-pulling against the waterweight,
Paddledips waking vortex swirls,
Diamond drops sparking from the edgecurve,
Splashing back into the motherlode,
Thoughts like ripples rushing outwards,onwards,
Across the surface to future shores.

[EvoWarrior5]

Melanie, a friend of mine looked up the picture and said that it was somewhere by Canada. I do not know much more about it myself though.

[Rowan]

Alright, this is the second poem that I dare expose to.. You know, people, so don't throw fruit at him. He's young and would cry in the literary-corner.
I like the choice of the picture, I think it opens up many interpretations. Awesome. :yawnb:

'Ere we go!


Chained light bulb


A choir of possibilities sings of chances that are left unspoilt
And the trees hear it with wooden ears
their leaves cry out of blasphemy
as I tell them that I am mighty.
More free than the wind that makes them dance to a sad tune
I stand so tall that I make the mountains sweat and shrug and
grow an inferiority-complex.
I am the captain of my own fate, and cut wailing wires where I want
The water is immense and without worry, it is wise and strong
and I will make it feel like the water left in an unfinished paper-cup
that nobody wants.
I contain no sharks, nor did I make the Titanic sink,
but this substance takes the shape of others
This sad sea sees the coasts, the beaches, and sees prison bars.
The clouds feel mighty and with my own might bestowed
I will make them feel like elder men, newly widowed.
The sun does rise and greet the world, so yellow and so indulged
I look onto that old sad veteran, and I see an old sad prisoner
in the sky
who should be tearful but remains a sad friendly giant
in the sky
who drinks scotch and calls up the moon and regrets regretful things
in the morning. In the sky.
I pity the sun, and I pity you.
We are more free.



- Roo

[mazHur]

Ply on your canoe with care
treacherous is the aquatic snare
Clouds in the sky bow to Earth
Happy and gay and full of mirth
Rocks upping their snake heads
Cold wind slyly the heart bleds
Nature's forces are at their work
at lover's sometimes they do smirk
Have a heart, have a heart, O lover
soon your travail shall be over
Ply your boat with perseverance strong
Love's voyage may be tough and long
Let not Nature's cruelty make you deter
from Love's pursuit whatever may matter
Lover's who paddle their own canoe
Eventually their troubles will undo .

[EvoWarrior5]

Alrightie, time is up!
I expected a few more entries, like from cacian or Dark Muse, but you can't always compete I guess!

I liked the entries that I got and it was very difficult to have to compare them to one another and to make one stand out as the winner. Let us start with the feedback first:

YesNo

I really love the rhythm and flow of your poem. It’s catchy and memorable. The problem I had with it was that I felt it had so much potential, yet it was cut short and the enjoyment wasn’t as long as one would hope. I would have liked it if you had built on it a bit more. Good job though!

Melanie

At first I felt it was a bit difficult to read through your poem, because I tried putting a rhythm to it and it did not really fit for me, which forced me to try and read it differently. Perhaps that was just my bad and maybe I should not have tried to put a certain rhythm on it.
Looking at the imagery, I really liked that in your poem. Your lines really express emotion and put a good image of the picture in my mind, great work there! I think I can say that I did not only hear your description in my mind, I also felt them.

Pendragon

I like what you did with referring to the front of the kayak as a yellow triangle, because that is all of what you can see of it in the picture. Your poem reflects the imagery well and I like how you speak of the unknown purpose and the unknown person. What contradicted a bit was the lines “ocean of adventure” and then things such as “a sea of peaceful azure”. That broke off the flow a bit for me. Overall well done though!

prendrelemick

Good descriptions of the movement of the kayak. I liked the change of perspective from mainly describing nature to describing it from the “view” of the kayak and what is going on around it rather than ahead. I must say that I liked the previous version of your poem a bit better though, before you edited it.

Rowan

Long poem, so this is going to take me a bit longer to talk about.. Let’s see, first off I am really impressed in general. You took the dynamic in the picture not just a step, but an entire leap further by speaking of your might, in several different aspects. One problem I had there is a stylistic one. You said things like “…it is wise and strong and I will make it feel like…” whereas if you had replaced ‘and’ with ‘, but’ it would have signified the upcoming contrast better. The line about the mountains was funny but could have been a bit better worded in my opinion.
I absolutely adored when you said that you contain no sharks nor made the Titanic sink, but that you are so much better in a sense that water must take the shape of whatever contains it, whereas you are your own free man.
Then the part about the sun. Really the same thing, I really loved the personification and how you compared it to an old sad prisoner in the sky. The line of scotch and calling up the moon felt awkward but at the same time it gave the sun such depressed, earthly characteristics that it once more signified your might over the sun.
The poem is a little bit unstable here and there, with seemingly random lines at certain points, but the comparisons were fantastic. The poem was long and this can be risky, but it’s not like it was too long or boring, it stayed interesting. However as I said before, it is still a bit unstable here and there.

mazHur

The rhyme in your poem had a few flaws here and there (for example heads and bleds or lover and over) but for the most part the rhyme was well done. You deviated from what the rest did and spoke of the canoe as a metaphor of a lover’s path. I liked this metaphor and it was interesting to read about. I also enjoyed how you made the nature not a beautiful thing but more of an obstacle in your poem. I felt like the rhythm and flow of the poem could have been a bit better, though. Overall it was a good read, well done!



Well then, let us see... Really close contest, can't really say that I think one poem stood above the others by far.

The winner of this contest shall be... Rowan. I felt your poem captured not just the imagery in the picture well, but also the feeling one might have when standing in the kayak. Rather than the calm feeling most would get when in that situation (me for example), you took a totally different perspective on it and I could really appreciate this. If you were to change a few things I feel it would be perfect (mostly stylistic, such as what I said in your feedback, and you might want to put a bit of space between the different parts in your poem e.g. a line between the part about the sea and the part about the clouds. that would make it somewhat easier to read). Every poem that was submitted brought me joy to read, but yours, I felt, had just the most feeling to it in the end.

Thank you all who entered again!

- Evo

[Rowan]

Awesome! Thank you!
I really appreciate the feedback you're giving around, it really helps me to look at it from the perspective of a reader, awesome. I think unstable is definitely the word I'd have picked for some parts of the poem as well. So yay, thanks for providing the picture, and the feedback.
Tomorrow, I'll throw my own picture on here. I hope it'll inspire some people to puke out literary gold on here, as well.

Cheers!

[Melanie]

Congratulations Rowan! And thank you Evo. You did such a good job with your feedback.

[Rowan]

Sowwy for not posting it yesterday, as I said I would! I got caught up in some things and nearly forgot about it, until Evo poked my brain about it. Yay for him.

This is the picture I picked:
.. Well. I'm having trouble posting it in a forum-post, it tells me: Post denied. New posts are limited by number of URLs it may contain and checked if it doesn't contain forbidden words.

.. I can't seem to find a way to fix this, it tells me this each time I try to post anything. Any solutions that you know of? =o

Cheers.

[Rowan]

Evo's going to post it in my stead, so that bypasses whatever problems. =)

Let's put the deadline at 20th of Novembear.

[EvoWarrior5]

Rowan asked me if I could post the picture for him, so here it is:

http://xaxor.com/images/Zoltan-Huszti/Zoltan-Huszti9.jpg

[dara.cv]

Hope you guys don't mind my joining in. This photo is awe-striking!

Askew Visions of Poverty

Wrinkles of wondering.
A year bends the skin
in the manner of a lifetime.
A lifetime distorts the mind
to that of a sage.
One eye seeks the man in the sky.
One confronts the man before him.
Both answers leave him in wonder.

[YesNo]

One's old and still one sees
Through thick-lensed memories
That keep one focused on the spot
That feels like now and then does not.

[Rowan]

Thank you for your entries, enjoying 'em greatly!

[mazHur]

Don't turn your face away from me
I know the mirror shows its ugliness
I too get scared when i glance in the mirror
my grandfather's face it looks like
Oh! How brutal time is, you know?
But my face is an almanac of events
Events that made history
Events that shaped my life
and of others too
Read my face and you will know
It's a Himalaya of historical events
If I sit to compile all those events
I can write a new Thousand and One Nights
But hold on. I am not a writer
nor need to read a book of history anew
All you want to know in most of the past century
reflects from my face ....
My face is the book
My looks are the title to it
I may be smitten by age
But don't old books get smitten too ?
Time is the healer....
time is the killer...
Take it whatever way you want
But my face will tell you all
days and nights of years past
first love and the sweetness of my first kiss'
the betrayal of my friends
the loyalty with friends shared
springs, summers, winters, fall
all the seasons long and small
History is not what's in the books
It glosses too so truly in my looks.

[Pendragon]

There's a line on his face for every breath that he takes
The years and the tears recorded for all to see
The times of want and the loved ones he lost
Reading his face is like exploring history
Sometimes a twinkle in the eye, a chuckle and sigh
Bring light to a visage that is ravaged and scarred
When he's relaxed and asleep, the wrinkles relax and shrink
No worries til dawn, then get up and press on--restart
You haven't really lived your life
If the day doesn't show the scars, and the smoothness returns every night

Pendragon
11/7/2013

[Pendragon]

Really bump!

[prendrelemick]

Who am I?

Once I tangoed Debutantes across the ballroom floor,
My Argentinian silver mines opened every door,
Ten thousand pampas cattle kept me in high style,
The drive up to my country house I measured by the mile.

But I could not buy a pedigree, my money it was new,
And come the revolution I found my friends were few,
Easy come and quickly go when Fortune turns around,
And all a man is sure of is that last six feet of ground.

So when you see me as I am, remember what I've been,
Read the lines etched on my face by everything I've seen,
Heed the lesson written there - we all are Fortune's slave,
And don't forget no man's secure until he's in his grave.

[EvoWarrior5]

Dementia (An Old Man)

His eyes confused, a broken yawn.
He wonders what is going on
Around him. Now he frowns his face
As memories of forgotten days
Escape away and let their scoff
Surround him. Glasses broken off
By youngsters, who don’t comprehend
That what they’re doing just hurts and
Confounds him. He thinks of his past
And in his head forms overcast.
He can’t remember what he’s seen,
It drowns him. He has never been
So lost in thoughts. It feels like he’s
forgetting things, from names to keys.

They’re pounding on his door to find
An Old Man, to his house confined.
“Who are you?” to his friends he said.
Astounded, they put him to bed.
Concerned about his sanity,
They call to have his family
Surround him in his darkest hour
As the memories devour
What is left. Now not a trace
Around him. As he frowns his face
He wonders what his going on
His eyes confused, a broken yawn.

~ Evo

[Rowan]

Alrightie, that makes it the 20th! I want to thank everybody who turned in their poems! Tomorrow I'll announce the winner, and throw some feedback around.

Cheers =)

[cacian]

the old man
the glasses and the tan
ages never stand
the experience of time
but what it does
is show emotions
to slow
growing is blow
taken with a bow.

sorry if this is late but I thought I post it anyway!!!

[Rowan]

I've come a long way with my feedback and winner, but I'd want to write proper feedback, so I'll have it up by tomorrow. That way I am sure I wrote something proper, in stead of something half-arshed. I like the poems a lot, and I want to give back equally good feedback. =)
I'll include your entry as well, Cacian!

[Rowan]

Awrightie! Here we go. Bare with me if you think the feedback, or.. well.. My opinion, is complete bollocks, this is the first time I really state my opinion on several poems. I tried to capture how the poems made me feel, and what I liked about them.. If any of you wish any more thoughts on the poem, do not feel shy about asking me why I thought certain things, or whatever-the-hippo.

Here we go!

Daracv

Dara, I liked the way your poem spoke to me. The thought behind it, or at least the thought that I got behind it, I found to be a very interesting one. It was interesting, and and calm, peaceful read at the same time. Maybe I’d have liked it to be a bit longer, because I was really enjoying your tone and thoughts. I especially liked Coming-of-age feeling it gave me. =)

Yesno

Yesno, your poem came across as strong and compact. I thought it was original, and the rhyme was entertaining and somehow captured the picture well. Especially the last line, I thought, was very strong. The rhyme and alliteration that popped up stood very strong, as well. Well done =)

Mazhur
Mazhur, your poem I thought was a very strong, as well. It conjured up a great monologue in my head, a man wondering where time went. It fits the picture well, but also the feeling that the picture radiates. The words were well-chosen, and I liked the way it sounded. The chain-of-thought that seems to go throughout the poem I really appreciated. The comparisons were wonderful and well-chosen. I am also a particular fan of longer-ish poems, so I liked it a lot! Woop-woop!

Pendragon

Pendragon, I really liked your poem as well. I liked the choice of words, they complemented each other in a lovely manner and they made the sentences flow well. Some sentences seemed very strong to me. It had a nice, melancholic ring to it that I think fits the picture well. I also liked the sort of hopeful feeling you get near the end.

Prendrelemick

Prendrelemick, Your poem I thought had a nice refreshing tone. It wasn’t very melancholic, it sounded like a fond memory to me, that turned slightly bitter. The sentences flew with a nice grace, and the melody was very strong. The meaning behind the sentences, and the abtsract thoughts that they conjured up in me, I really, really liked. All in all, it sounded lovely, and the thoughts behind it I appreciated a lot, too.
I also thought that the length of the poem was perfect for the message and the tone.

Evo

Evo, I really, really liked your poem too. Ti was incredibly melancholic, and I really liked the tone in which you put that melancholy. It sounded hopeless, and sad, and it was very touching the way you conjured up those feelings. I really like the rhyming that is present, and found the words in italics really.. captured something. It was very nice. I also like the length of the poem, it seemed perfect for what it was trying to convey.
It seemed sort of refreshing to me, which I liked a lot as well.

Cacian

Cacian, a nice poem, as well. =)
I like how your poem took me several reads to fully appreciate. It’s concise, not too short, but strong in its size. I like the last two lines, which sound very dignified. Not melancholic, but simply.. Yeah, dignified. I liked it.

Well, now it's my burden to pick one poem out of all these lovely ones, which utterly sucks. They were all very nice, and I'd like to voice my appreciation over everybody that sent one in.

The winner iiiiizzzz..

Evo.

it was a very close shot between Evo and Predrelemick, both of whose poems spoke to me strongly in both form and message. Evo's poem had its own, strong, personality that spoke to me, which made it seem rather special to me. It seemed fresh, calm, and held that sad, melancholic vibe I was kind of lusting for when I posted this poem. =)

Once again, thanks to one and all for posting their poems! This was a blast!

Ta-ta!

Prose before bros

[mazHur]

Congrats Evo!

[cacian]

Rowan thanks and Evo congratulations!!!

[EvoWarrior5]

Ow, waking up to good news! Thanks Rowan!
I must say that this was the most difficult poem to write for me 'till now, trying to come up with parallel sounding words (astounds him, drowns him, surround him, etc.) and making every line 8 syllables long (aside from near the end where it's cut short because everything vanishes).

Without further ado, let me post the next picture quickly, as I won't have time later on in the weekend:


http://www.vibe.com/sites/vibe.com/files/styles/main_image/public/article_images/avicii-wake-me-up.jpg


Deadline shall be Saturday in two weeks, the 7th of December if I'm not mistaken.

Good luck everybody!

- Evo

[cacian]

Evo may I ask how you downloaded this picture?
nice by the way :)

[EvoWarrior5]

How I uploaded it? Uuh well when I found it I opened the picture in a separate tab, created the post and clicked on "Insert Image" and put the URL in there while unchecking the box below it (forgot what it said but it would make some weird attachment out of it). Why do you ask? :o

[prendrelemick]

Dementia (An Old Man)

His eyes confused, a broken yawn.
He wonders what is going on
Around him. Now he frowns his face
As memories of forgotten days
Escape away and let their scoff
Surround him. Glasses broken off
By youngsters, who don’t comprehend
That what they’re doing just hurts and
Confounds him. He thinks of his past
And in his head forms overcast.
He can’t remember what he’s seen,
It drowns him. He has never been
So lost in thoughts. It feels like he’s
forgetting things, from names to keys.

They’re pounding on his door to find
An Old Man, to his house confined.
“Who are you?” to his friends he said.
Astounded, they put him to bed.
Concerned about his sanity,
They call to have his family
Surround him in his darkest hour
As the memories devour
What is left. Now not a trace
Around him. As he frowns his face
He wonders what his going on
His eyes confused, a broken yawn.

~ Evo

Those Italics are great Evo - very effective. Congratulations

[YesNo]

Before the traffic on the bridge
He rides his horse. They face the sun
That's rising through the windows, trees,
And beauty is all that he sees
Though poverty's been overdone.

[cacian]

How I uploaded it? Uuh well when I found it I opened the picture in a separate tab, created the post and clicked on "Insert Image" and put the URL in there while unchecking the box below it (forgot what it said but it would make some weird attachment out of it). Why do you ask? :o

oh thanks I ask because I never seem to be able to download any pictures for some reason.:)

[prendrelemick]

Horse riding


Going down hill,
The sound of Polly's hooves
always play the same tune;-
Di-dum di-dum di-dum di-dar
Some-day I'll-wish up-on a-star,
That,s from the Wizard of Oz,
the clippy cloppy bit,
Of Over the Rainbow,
Then I get to thinking about Dorothy
And Kansas, the Iron man.
The lion the witch - and wardrobes
At Ikea, with Mrs P,
Then sometimes her back foot slips on the stones
Kkerrach- dum- dum!
Ahh that's from the Nut Cracker
I think, and I think
I bet Tchaikovski was a horse rider,
And rode down hill over stones like these
Only Russian stones, at Nadezhda's estate.
Died of cholera,
Those Munchkins eh!
Follatheyellabrickroad.
Or was it Umpalumpa?
When we trot its like the clock
from Dark Side of The Moon,
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock....
-No it was munchkins-
In my day
Everybody had Dark Side of The Moon,
With the prism and the rainbow,
On the cover, in my day,
Records smelt shiney and plastic,
(Is nut cracker two words?)
You'd buy it, take it out and look at the pattern of the grooves,
Why? Before you got it home. Why?
The pattern of the grooves-the patter of the hooves,
Both can carry tunes,
Ha! That's good, Polly's phonics!
I'll try and remember that!
And time passes and thoughts pass and miles pass,
And before you know it,
There's the Emerald city.

[dara.cv]

I love this site, it is a joy to hear new and creative expressions of rythme and meter. Your poem exemplified this EvoWarrior5 . Congrats!
thanks Rowan for the feedback too.

So here is my submission, I have to admit I recognized the name musician Avicci from the image file and watched the music video, so here it is good music inspired:

Crossing Bridges


Waking prepared,
before the dawn
I find myself gone searching.
For a future,
with a past far gone
by a bridge's favorable crossing.
To the sunrise I heave a sigh,
within my sights a city.
Be that where my destiny lie?
I’m carried on without pity.
My companion’s hooves prove
stronger than my heart
For my feet will often walk
in misdirection.
Crossing the bridge
with a dis-mountable start,
my passage
is ejected.
Now I must make
the decision on my own
by the strength
of my own conviction.
To the city,
fate unknown,
or back,
towards home,
my absence yet gone detected.

[Dark Muse]

Lone Survivor

The end descended in a hush of grey,
disquieting silence falls with a setting sun,
as ghosts the buildings which once stood
for vibrancy and life now stand still,
and only memories are left to haunt the streets,
a whisper of a former world, a mockery of the past,
while amid the ruins of former grandeur,
luxuries once so depended upon,
the lone survivor must revert to the days of yore,
rediscovering the primal which laid dormant
within for so long, now approaching the remnants
of a dead world within the mist of a solitude
broken only by the rhythm of hoof beats,
like heartbeats, it is the only thing
which reminds the lone rider that he is alive,
and not yet another phantom, a drifting shade,
an imprinted memory.

[Pendragon]

How Far to Camelot?

From Avalon he rode across the bridge above the Thames
But around him the mist arose, the buildings were so strange
He thought himself sorely bewitched, touched by a curse
As carriages flew swiftly by without a sign of any horse
He cringed as a machine ripped through the sky, his heart began to quake
He prayed aloud "Oh, Jesu save me from this dark and dreadful place!"
Then the mists burned away and he saw again the familiar road once more
He vowed he would turn monastery monk, a be a Knight no more
Yet in his cell in robe of brown, copying books by candlelight
He wondered still about the vision he had seen that night...

Pendragon (C) December 2, 2013

[EvoWarrior5]

Bump.

Just a reminder that the deadline is tomorrow. If you have unfinished poems or have not posted yours yet, do it before it's too late!

[Rowan]

Life is not like a path with a beginning and an end
We cannot say that one end is dark and the other light
It is more like a cobweb that warped around us to be woe to foe and friend
It captures people in its sticky succulence, but not me.
We’re not sure if we’re spider or fly, but not me.
We’ve been given the map and we can see the mountains moan
but we don’t know the route and if we did we wouldn’t walk it
Every rose has its ruthless thorns, but I think that this rose is not red of petal but of blood
It’s a dog-eat-dog-eat-dog-eat-eat-eat world where there is no menu card
But everything is on it.
We have a big chief who looks down or up at us, Theology is rubbing its chin
But he or she or it took a decade off, see the seas and sunbathe
Despite it being the busy season
Despite the *****y heathens
He’s taking selfies on a foldable chair that creaks when he sees the daemons
the sand’s too soft for castles.

Suddenly, we’re the new Sodom
And we make fun of Gomorra
Naturally, there is artists and actors and poets and writers
but you have to be at least this tall to be that cool, and that is not this.
Like a car we’re all strapped in, with helmets and instruction videos
but we’re driving down a ravine
we can see clouds pass us by
We’re pathetically apathetic
We’re frightened of large opinions and of many comma’s crowding a sentence.
They’re a firing squad. A fruit salad of apples.

But our snakes tell us no and we nod

We’re the whatevers and the I-don’t-knows
The who-cares’ and I don’ts
Won’ts
Couldn’ts
We should scream until our lungs come out to add to the choir
I want the freedom to give you a boner, a monument to the possibility of thought
until our hearts stop beating so that we may better be heard.
Your hands will chisel the truth out of its rock and make castles

but he sand’s too soft for castles.

- Roo

[cacian]

man on horse
chevalier gaulles
rides out to the
soul
of a morning fall
skyies ahead
loom
a break in the moon
sunshine will soon
bring back
the doom
to a position of noon.
clear ahead is tuned.

[EvoWarrior5]

Hello everybody!

First off I would like to thank those who commented on my previous poem. I usually do not like to "disrupt" the flow of poems in the contest threads, so sorry for not responding to you until now!

Then, the current contest. Very good entries, as usual. Enjoyable reads. But you will see all about what I liked (or what I thought could have been done better) in the feedback:

YesNo:
Very catchy, as always. The past week or so there were just moments in which I suddenly got the second line in my head and I could hear myself think “He rides his horse. They face the sun”. Very powerful. I also like the rhyme scheme in this, although the first line doesn’t really fit in with the rest, but that is not a bad thing because it may stand alone in its meaning. Well done!

Prendrelemick:
Very hectic but effective poem. I like the interpretation that the ride is bumpy and chaotic, rather than calm. Also well done on all the references, although I must say I probably do not understand quite a few because I don’t know everything you referred to. Overall good job!

Dara.cv:
Overall an enjoyable read, you conveyed the message of a journey well. The meaning is sometimes slightly confusing, as I was a bit baffled by the line “I carry on without pity” whereas later on you say you are hesitating. Then I read over it again and realised that at first you started your journey with more confidence, but later on you hesitate and wonder if you shouldn’t go back now that you still can. I like this meaning very much, but I think it could have been made just a bit clearer in the poem.

Also yes, the picture is from a music video. This was not intentional on my part though xD

Dark Muse:
Very eerie! Another great interpretation of the picture, this time conveyed in a post-apocalyptic poem. I feel like there is so much to say, while at the same time there is so little to say. Very good use of language, great read, nearly flawless. Captivating from start to end. I also like how the entire poem is only 1 sentence. In the third line, did you mean “and ghosts of the buildings which once stood”?

Pendragon:
Well, wow. The poem seems to be about a knight in the middle ages who suddenly sees a flash of the future with cars and a plane above him.. I wonder if you actually meant that. I like the read, and – once again – the interpretation. I think I would have liked it a bit better if it had followed the metre in the first line, that would have made it more easy and catchy to read. I saw potential for an iambic heptameter in there, most of the lines follow or nearly follow it.

Rowan:
Rowan, hello! Did you know that ‘selfie’ is the word of the year in the UK right now, or did you just happen to use it haha? Anyways, on to your poem: I think I should get right to the point and say that it did not have the vibes of your previous one, in a sense that this one does not relate to the picture as much. You started off well, but then you derailed more and more as you progressed. This could signify the derailing of the road or the person of the road, but I think that in this case, because the language did not seem to relate to the picture so much, it did not do that. Forgive me for comparing poems again (I usually hate doing that), but in prendrelemick’s poem for example, he also derailed but he kept coming back to the original line / meaning, which made it so that the derailing was still confined to the picture. The derailing and the rambling in the poem also made it quite difficult to get through and it is very easy to lose it at some point.

Aside from that, some good use of language in there as you always have. A few good lines stand out which either sound cool (“pathetically apathetic”), sound very pretty and poetic (“the sand’s too soft for castles”), or your usual outrageous lines which I keep on enjoy reading (freedom giving you a boner, everybody but you being stuck and unsure, etc.).

Cacian:
Cacian, good read. Your usual style, and I like how you put some dark lines in there, yet you make them sound… insignificant? funny? Not sure how to word myself. For example:

a break in the moon
sunshine will soon
bring back
the doom

The word “doom” does not sound the least bit dark because of the casual way you present it and hop around through lines as if nothing is going on. I like that. When you see through the lines one may see the darker meaning behind it. Well done!


Alright, then the winner... I liked all of your reads, but only one can pick the next picture. I found the best poem to be Dark Muse's. Great interpretation and also a very good use of language. When I saw you win a few contests without really reading the poems in the contests, I was kind of wondering what made you / your poems so good. Now I see! ;)

Thank you all who entered again, it's been great.

- Evo

[Pendragon]

Congrats, Dark Muse!

And Evo, yes, I really meant it!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much, I will get the next pick up soon.

[Dark Muse]

Ok here is the next image

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/4e/e1/a6/4ee1a68e5ac2cbe1ebe70c6f8e6038f2.jpg

Deadline Dec 20th

[cacian]

Evo thank you very much for the lengthy feedback.
Dark Muse that is a nice picture indeed :)

[YesNo]

The castle walls on Griegson Ferry Isle
Are thick with stone with windows very thin
To let the rushing sea-borne breezes in
Relieving pressure on the heavy wall
And giving those well-privileged in the hall
A glimpse of an old tree still standing, dead,
With water flooded roots and leafless head.
Some claim that they are captives. Others smile
As if they knew the secret of this place,
If there be any secrets they must face,
But they are as deluded as the rest.
Yet others claim this is a kind of test
That they could pass if only they'd break free,
Slide through the window into liberty,
But most must wait while days pass single file.

[dara.cv]

I loved the eery post-apocalyptic feel of your submission. It's eloquence deepened its lonely despair. It was a worthy win, congrats!

You seem to have a draw towards the darker aspects of life with this picture, so I'll have my go.

I tried to contain it,
but that wild sparrow would never settle.
Only it's migration was predictable,
though, from where it came
or when it would return was unknowable.
Sometimes it would find me and flit its wings over my vision
in a blinding frenzy,
then disappear in that same instant.
Other times it would linger
perching upon my shoulder in silence
until it became weightless.
Until, I didn't recall it was there at all.
Other times it would sing it's scratchy tune
to anyone who would listen,
causing them to cover their ears and hearts and walk away.
It became a familiar companion
of which it’s arrival or leave became natural,
to the point of being unnoticed by me.
Even here it finds me.
Fluttering in,
landing within my coupled hands,
causing them to shake with panic.
Though I want to stifle it,
instead, I find myself only able to enfold it
clasped within my palms
until it retreats to sleep.
Sometimes it soars in without warning
scratching at my face,
clawing at my sides,
pecking at my ears
while Im hunched over
it lets out a shrill shriek
of absolute hatred against itself.
No use looking out the window.
You can't see the sparrow coming.
Besides, the barren tree calls to it
reminiscent
of that first sparrow
of rage,
which caged me here.

[Dark Muse]

I loved the eery post-apocalyptic feel of your submission. It's eloquence deepened its lonely despair. It was a worthy win, congrats!

You seem to have a draw towards the darker aspects of life with this picture, so I'll have my go.


Thank you, and yes, it is true I do. glad to have you join in on this one.

[Pendragon]

Hanging Tree, Salem, Massachusetts

Framed by stone the lone tree shudders
In the frigid winds that scream around it
A solitary tree cursed by the fact
That hanging took place from its branches
But the view from the jail at Salem
Was the last many an accused witch had
Before riding bound in a cart
And brutally slaughtered by the voice of innocents
Accusing good women of dreadful things
Or were the children just pawns in a scheme
To enrich their fathers by taking land
By hanging the owners for witchcraft?
Salem still bleeds from the injustice...

(C) Pendragon December 13, 2013

[dara.cv]

Thanks Muse!

I have to admire your post Pendragon, The first few lines it was reading to me as if a woman was awaiting her fate on that same hanging tree. Then it turns into almost a tour of some historical jail on which a tourist was reflecting. Either way, it is befitting, so sad and cruel Salem's stain on history.

Are we allowed to comment on other's posts in the contests?

[prendrelemick]

I think you may comment when ever you like dara,cv

[mazHur]

Life is not like it may usually seems to be
Look at it through the hollow of the stony gorge
Life stands alone like an abandoned withered tree

No birds anymore to chirp or sing a song
No shadow for a traveler to rest and refresh beneath
Nothing that which spring had brought for long.

Only a small footprint left to sorrow for the while
You never know when this last mark will vanish too
Aqueous sadness and still bereft of its blessed smile.

Mystery of Life changes faces with passing time
What was once blooming spring deadly autumn turns
Music that Life was loses its melodious chime.

[prendrelemick]

Can anyone tell me how to post a poem with a large gap in the middle of each line. It won't let me do it.

[Dark Muse]

If I remember correctly if you highlight your poem and then at the top of the text box click on the thing that looks like <> called Wrap Text, it should keep the spaces of your poem when you post it.

[prendrelemick]

Thanks DM. The font is a bit odd but it worked




Welsh Heritage

60 AD.
Listen! When Caradog celtic hero
Born of battle the Eagle's bane
From the mainland crossed the Menai
Pursued by Legions closely pressed
The Ordivices honour's mirror
Showed the hero secret groves
Swore friendship fast binded
Beneath the oak Hen Goaeden
The mother tree. of the people.

Came the Romans ravening through
On the rampage revenge hearted
Disdaining druid rites and runes
Splitting boughs bole and branches
Boiling messes with sacred fuel

For seven days the Ravens watched
From Clogwyn Coch on Craiglwyn's flank
Then descended to desolation
There they gathered the nine acorns
A last gift given by Hen Goaeden
O'er the sky-way wide they winged them
Seeding them in secret hallows
A boon to the land wherever they grew.


1300 AD
By Order of the king who everyone feared,
The Baumaris forest had to be cleared,
Young Dafydd-the-Axe was a woodcutter's son ,
He may not've liked it, but it had to be done.

For a Castle's no good with trees by its side,
There's too many places for foes to hide,
And a clear field of flight for arrows to fly,
Can't be achieved with a forest close by.

With a heart feeling heavy he entered the wood,
And by a great oak he mournfully stood,
This tree he knew well as his fore-fathers had ,
Under its branches he'd played as a lad.

Above in the sky the Ravens were wheeling,
And o'er Craiglwyn, thunder was pealing,
He took up his axe and got ready to swing,
But stopped and knelt down as storm clouds moved in.

A prayer and a curse welled up in his head,
The curse, that the king should be cut down instead,
That rulers hereafter would cherish the trees,
Prayed Dafydd-the-Axe down on his knees.

There was a flash and a crash as lightening struck down,
The old tree was rent from the root to the crown,
Young Dafydd lay still, 'till looking around,
He saw a small shoot breaking the ground..

He took it away to a place that he knew,
Where it was safe from the tree felling crew.
And there it grew cherished by Kings and by folk
And there ever after 'twas was called Dafydd's oak.

2013 AD
“As you pass,
Have a look through the arrow slit on your left.
The tree you see there was planted in 1838,
To commemorate the Coronation of Queen Victoria.
It was grown from an acorn
Taken from “Davy's Oak” a famous ancient tree,
That used to stand close by and was said to have dated back
To the time the Castle was built.

Now, proceed along the passage through the door at the end,
Then press number 8 on your Auto-Guide handset.”

Caradog = Caracticus
Ordivices = Iron age tribe of Anglesey
Clogwyn Coch = Red Cliff
Craiglwyn, = A Welsh Mountain

[cacian]

a window into the wilderness
looks out
a lake sufficiently grand
calms water surrounds icy as the sound
piercing through the clouds
and a tree free standing
autumnal scene
of an early morning dream
peaceful
as the mound enticing the
hound
nature sigh
let the dream flow slow
to an end of time
sheer is row

[EvoWarrior5]

No entry from me this time. Pretty short deadline, and I wasn't feeling it as much with this picture. Nothing wrong with it though, that's not what I mean ^^

Good luck everyone, I see some wonderful poems!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Elegy to the Lord's Architect

Castle stones were hewn with care
Joints as thin as a maiden's hair.
Well proportioned slots for high strung missiles
Precisely aligned with the gardner's sentinels.
(He was inspired by Versailles' ordered shrubbery)
The architect acquiesced to the gardner's blubbery.
It came to pass, the Lord's home was under siege
The castle fell and so did its liege.
The Knights fought bravely to the end
Across the moat their darts they did send.
But alas they missed their intended mark
Sinking deep instead into the Royal bark.



Darkmuse - this is late. If you already made a decision, then no worries.

[prendrelemick]

Please DM, hurry up and judge so I can stop tinkering.

[Dark Muse]

This was a tough one, a lot of great entrees here.

YesNo: This poem painted a very vivid picture in my mind. I liked the way it seemed to take me back through time, as well I liked the idea of those of the privileged class being portrayed almost as if they were prisoners. There were times in which I almost wondered if indeed they were in a dungeon looking through the narrow window at taunting freedom that cannot be obtained.

dara.cv: I really liked your original perception of the picture. I thought your poem had a great concept and there were some wonderful words, and imagery. I loved the metaphorical symbol of the sparrow and the melancholy feel of the poem.

Pendragon: I really enjoyed the bleak atmosphere of the poem. I think it really captured the fear and sorrow of the time. I could vividly see the image of the people of the town looking at the tree through their windows, wondering if and when they might be next. Quite ominous.

mazHur: This is a beautiful poem which I believe captures the changing of the seasons. It painted a very vivid picture and really captured a feeling of sorrow, despair, and the bleakness of winter quite well.

cacian: A very lovely, and serene picture of nature. I thought this poem was very elegantly written and quite picturesque. I enjoyed the very calming feel it gave.

Gilliatt Gurgle: I enjoyed the images of the past which this poem conjured up, and I liked the playfulness of it. The end made me chuckle. I liked the idea of the role the tree had come to unintentionally play within the battle.

And the winner is.....

prendrelemick: I really enjoyed the historical aspect of the poem, and the story that it told and I admired the experimental use of form. This poem had a very nostalgic feeling to it and I really enjoyed seeing the way in which the tree changed throughout time, from the ancient Celts to modern day.

[cacian]

Dark Muse thank you very much and prendrelemick a well deserved win congratulations!!!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Well done Mick, we bow in your general direction.
A well thought out, creative piece. I'm curious about the form or approach taken in the first part, is that based on a historic form of that time? Or is the gap in the text your own whim? It seems either column can also be read separate from the other.

[prendrelemick]

OK, OK, it was a direct rip off of BEOWOLF ,s format from the sixth century. 4 beats then a cesura or gap then another 4 beats, with plenty of alliteration between the two halves. It is the earliest English written down form I know of.


I really liked trying it out. The second half I found was usually like a comment or extra info on the first. So it could almost be read without it. Must do some more.

[EvoWarrior5]

OK, OK, it was a direct rip off of BEOWOLF format from the sixth century. 4 beats then a cesura or gap then another 4 beats, with plenty of alliteration between the two halves.

I really liked trying it out.

I would personally mention it if I were to use the form of something else, honestly. I don't think it doesn't count because of this, but I would mention it if something does not originally come from you.

[prendrelemick]

There's no such thing as an original form anymore - is there?


My tried and trusted way of posting a pic isn't working at the moment.

[prendrelemick]

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/Rain_Storm_by_horrormove_zpsffacf5b3.jpg (http://s85.photobucket.com/user/prendrelemick/media/Rain_Storm_by_horrormove_zpsffacf5b3.jpg.html)



There you go.

[EvoWarrior5]

Thanks for the picture. When is the deadline?

[Pendragon]

Blowing in the Wind

Jack Skellington chased Mary Poppins
Half-way cross the storybook page
Never realized that the wind she rode
Sent her on to other cases
Jack Skellington went back home
To his pieced together experimental wife
Never trust a woman who rides the updrafts
Stick with the one that's there in troubled times...

Pendragon (C) January 2, 2014

[YesNo]

His lady friends, they rarely stay.
Sometimes they're even blown away
Much like Clarice the other day.
He told her that umbrellas may,
When opened, tease the wind to play
With rain and turn his blue world gray.

[cacian]

up in the air
goes the fair lady in black
green is there
wearing a rare
symbol of care
rain to it
blossoms a string
image of spring
in grey and sings:
''oh winter bring
perfect a sling''

[prendrelemick]

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/Rain_Storm_by_horrormove_zpsffacf5b3.jpg (http://s85.photobucket.com/user/prendrelemick/media/Rain_Storm_by_horrormove_zpsffacf5b3.jpg.html)



There you go.

Bump and one week to the deadline

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Hoping to have one by then.

[prendrelemick]

It's not a strict deadline!

[mazHur]

Before you became a star in the sky
Let my love come to you, let me try
Lunging at my love bird moving high
Umbrella in hand, harsh weather nigh
If you went alone my heart will ever cry
Take me along, my love,I wanna die!

[miyako73]

The Temporal Separation


The wind of storm will carry me
Beyond the coldest grey of blue,
Against the thick weight of rain
Pushing the ribs of my umbrella,
Pulling the train of my wet skirt.

I shall go to the farthest moon,
The nether world of dead goths,
The darkest cosmos of vampires,
To beg the ghostly god of stars
For another life to be with you.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

More Meat Pies

Long before Roswell
during Victoria's reign,
a pair of Grays settled
at 17 Cherry Tree Lane.

She was a nanny
that answered to Julie.
Van Dyke ashed his fanny
sweeping flues in Bexley.

Their Olympus Mons diet
made 'em thin as a rail
an inconvenience on Earth
during a Gowk Storm Gale.

[prendrelemick]

Thank you everybody. Now this is the very very very last call! (almost)

[cacian]

Thank you everybody. Now this is the very very very last call! (almost)

last call to what prendrelemick? do you mean the deadline? haha

[prendrelemick]

Yup! I have begun my cogitations.

[cacian]

Yup! I have begun my cogitations.

I share your frustrations prendrelemick lol if only life congitated for us we would be kings and queens:D

[prendrelemick]

Here's a poem made from my favourite lines of the above.



To his pieced together experimental wife
Van Dyke ashed his fanny
The nether world of dead goths,
Lunging at my love bird moving high
His lady friends, they rarely stay.
''oh winter bring
perfect a sling''.


It was a close thing between mazHur and Miyako, But I declare mazHur the winner - I liked the wild proclaimation.