friend

[psycojones]

i am curious, what does friendship mean to you?
how does one become a friend?

[avid_reader]

some one who has so much in common with you . someone with whom you never run out of topics to speak with . someone who knows u well ...
but then .. one cant search for a friend , or one cant have a set of attributes in mind and go searching for someone who matches that ....
friendship never happens that way
it just happens

[crisaor]

Avid_reader took the words right out of my mouth. :)

[Isagel]

In a way, my friends are my chosen family.

[Shea]

I second that Isagel! That's why my husband is my best friend. To me the biggest thing in friendship is trust. Unfortunately, I have some family members whom I wouldn't trust any farther than I can throw them!

[Jay]

I agree with the friend-chosen family thing :).

[kilted exile]

A friend is someone who will give their opinion honestly on what they think you are doing wrong, and dont get upset when you do the same.

[Koa]

Someone with whom I can feel free to be myself... and it does take time to reach that stay... when I'm 100% myself, inhibitionless and uncensored, I'm with a friend. That's why I don't have mnay friends, that's how I withdrew from many groups...I was tired of having to hide parts of me...


I was exactly wondering about friendship lately, because of a person who defined our relationship as a 'friendship', but he hardly ever listens to me... we do have a lot of fun and even talk of serious things, but never personal... Sure it's partly my fault cos I'm too shy to take the conversation where I'd like to, like my problems etc as I do with my close, longtime friends... But still, I sometimes feel like he doesn't give a damn about me as a person, I'm more of a toy to pass the boring time of lessons... *sorry, rant time* :D

[Lara]

A friend is someone you spend quality time with, who accepts you you for who you are, someone you can trust, sometimes you can have some of these qualities with an aquaintance, but if they're not an active part of your personal life, I don't consider them a friend.

I'm with Koa, I have very few friends, but very many aquaintances. These qualities are difficult to find.

[Koa]

Originally posted by Lara


I'm with Koa, I have very few friends, but very many aquaintances. These qualities are difficult to find. [/B]

That's it... I know quite a lot of people (well not as many as most people do, as I'm unsociable :D), but friends... you can really count them on one hand's fingers.

[atiguhya padma]

Friends are also people who will let you be yourself. Sometimes family finds that a little more difficult.

Friendship includes a series of mutually beneficial transactions, that draw your interest and concern closer to your friend.

[amuse]

friends are the people you can call up after six years and find that no time at all has passed.

[psycojones]

that is why i love this sight.

we are all writing from different parts of the world, and although everybody might have something a little different to say, the end justifies what you are all saying.

i agree with what all of you have said.

but the one i like the most, is the friend who listens. someone who will not judge you, basically, someone who will understand you, and accept you for who you are.

[IWilKikU]

A friend is someone I use to feel better about myself.

(all the warm squishyness was starting to irritate me)

[subterranean]

I do have lots of friends, several close friends, but only one bestfriends.
My definition of friends is the people whom I say hello to, say some nice things, then said bye. And I don't really feel sorry when I lost them.
While close friends are those people,I never said hello when I met them, rarely said nice things to them, talked about cheap and heavy stuffs at the same time, can be very inspiring bunch of people, mock each other sometimes, and the ones I said take care when we parted. I cerish these people and don't want to lose them.
My only bestfriend is a former friend and close friend of mine. He's my world at the moment.

[baddad]

I believe a friend to be someone who does not neccessarily share all of my interests, often disagrees with my many and varied opinions, doesn't always laugh at my jokes or enjoy food I may have prepared, chuckles at my small misfortunes, and never refuses to share any of these with me. Friendship is truth. It can not be any other way.

[Sancho]

I’m trying to remember PHL 101. I think Aristotle had the true friend or the complete friend or the friend of a life time (Telea Philia ?) as “A friend who wants for one’s friend what is good for one’s friend for the sake of one’s friend" and visa-versa. The other two types of friends were friendships based on utility and friendships based on pleasure; these were term limited of course.

[Koa]

OOOh I remember that (Aristotle) too Sancho (ok it's the second time in 2 minutes that something you wrote reminds of something I read and makes me realise that I've forgotten it...). We read it at school aaaages ago, exactly in the period when I was losing my best friend (she had finished using me, you know...:mad: ), who was sitting next to me at the moment...

[Sancho]

Ouch!

It’s probably wrong to categorize people, but I do, subconsciously, find myself trying to apply Aristotle’s theory on friendship to my own interpersonal relationships. I don’t want to sound priggish about this, I’m sure most friendships are of the first two types; but when the usefulness is gone or the sensual pleasure has waned, the friendship is over. It’s frequently a mutual thing and people happily go their own separate way. The hurt occurs when one of the two parties in the friendship thought they had something more. “Once bitten twice shy,” as the saying goes.

It’s those very few, unconditional friendships that we make in a lifetime that truly makes life worth living.

[simon]

I keep a small circle of friends, with one best friend, and then there are the acquantances that keep popping up everywhere trying to become good firends and you have to keep bopping them on the head like gophers back into the ground and then pulling them out again when you need to borrow notes. Half the friends a person has are there in a reciprocal friendship based on taking what you need for as little as possible.

[chispa]

a friend is someone that is with you even in silence and you feel well

[EAP]

A friend is someone in whom you can trust wholeheartedly, atleast for me. Going by this, I don't think I possess even our friend.

[emily655321]

Beginning in about 9th or 10th grade I had many friends that I hung out with, most members of different "cliques" of 3 or 4, who didn't associate with each other except through me. But I have never been very close with them, not the sort of people I confide in. Oddly enough, they are almost all boys. In 5th and 6th grade I became very close friends with two girls (for the purpose of explanation, A and B) then in 8th grade became much closer to A. The following spring she shocked me by betraying me horribly at the worst low of my depression, then moved away. It was only then that I realized that B had been there all along, quietly supportive, loving me despite all my mistakes, and that she was actually my best friend. We both have other friends and don't see each other much, but when we do it is like we are sisters, and as though no time has passed at all. We love each other as much when we haven't seen each other in months as when we have seen each other every other day. She is really my one true friend.

[Koa]

" so rare, even among dear people, is a perfect concordance of will and character"... or something like that (roughly translated) is what Petrarca said. :)

Emily, I know about that too... the biggest shock of my life has been my best friend's betrayal when I was 17... I somehow still haven't fully got over it, and it has surely influenced my life in an incredible way, as it has 'changed' some of my behaviours (even on a positive side, as before that I had much more problems in being 'open' and direct when talking to people...trhough that I had to learn to express myself in order to survive), changed or strengthned some of my views, and originated a lot of poetry for the following 2 years... I read somewhere that according to psychologists, teenage years' friendships are very close to big love stories, and it was a bit like that for the impact it had on me...a true turning point of my whole life.:eek:

[emily655321]

Thanks, guys. :)


Originally posted by Koa
I somehow still haven't fully got over it, and it has surely influenced my life in an incredible way, as it has 'changed' some of my behaviours (even on a positive side, as before that I had much more problems in being 'open' and direct when talking to people...

That's so weird -- the very same happened to me. Her betrayal actually had something to do with me not paying as much attention to her anymore because of my depression! Before, I had been deeply ashamed and never spoke of it to anyone (she found out by deceit), but almost immediately after the whole ordeal I really came to terms with it and found it much easier to talk about. It didn't seem like such a stigma to me anymore. Funny how that works.

[verybaddmom]

friend:
someone that i can call whenever i need to, even if it is just to chat at 3am. and I know that they would give me hell and hang up...
someone who doesnt feel impaired in the ability to put me in my place, but knows that i wont be offended by that. (i need firm discipline sometimes...)
Someone who i am happy to hear from after a year of non contact and nothing has changed.
someone i want to hug even when he/she smells bad.
someone who's very existence makes me smile. even when im mad.
I dont think that a friend should feel the need to agree with me...ever.
i dont think that i always have to like my friend, as long as i always love him/her.

i find myself feeling very grateful for having had the opportunity to meet the people that i call "friend" and while there are few of them, i treasure each and every one. and you know who you are....dontcha??

[emily655321]

I like that description, VBM. I agree (oops) wholeheartedly. :D Tact can be a difficult balance to strike, because even when it feels like kindness, when overused it's really just lying to somebody. Like assuming they wouldn't understand your intentions, or just not caring enough to explain thoroughly. Friends don't want to treat each other that way. Actually, I think that's why we get close so fast on this forum -- it's easy to be frank on the internet, and on a board you have all the time you need to think about what you want to say (I can't tell you how many times I get logged off while I'm writing posts!) :p

[verybaddmom]

im confused....why would you get logged off??
and i actually try and not think too too much about what im posting; i find that if i do, i tend not to share so much, or i get worried about vocabulary, and the whole "do i sound like a knob?" thing. I decided a while ago (basically while i was floating around the forum, too chicken to post) that i was just going to go with it. if people think im a knob, what's the worst that can happen. nasty email? i have delete!
i think that is part of why i have a tendancy to edit, i write it, post it and then realize i spelled my name wrong or something.
but mostly, i have a habit of being impulsive, and i go with it. if it reveals me then good....if it reveals too much of me, then, well..... im familiar with blushing....

[amuse]

you are not a knob, :) and it's nice to read someone's else's blushable comments besides my own.

[emily655321]

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