Arrythmia

[Isagel]

No, doctor
you are mistaken
my lover tells me
I have a good heart.

Do not tell me
it´s rhythm is wrong
he says my heartbeats
are poetry in motion.


(arrhythmia - an abnormal rate of muscle contractions in the heart)

[blp]

I like it all except 'poetry in motion'. Be great if you could get past that, though I can see the difficulty.

Strikes me that it might be worth trying to come up with an appropriately disjointed rhythm for the poem too.

[white camellia]

I quite agree with that 'disjointed rhythm' which, if the fusion of form and function is looked for, could sensuously connect the disorder of heart beats and the spoken words mainly reflected by rhythms, naturally.

[white camellia]

something to add: could also naturally connect those two aspects with the third, that is, the sort of discrepancy of the two opinions, the doctor's, and the narrator's lover's, or, the discrepancy of reality and mind, the reality of his/her physical illness (deemed that way in the work, whether truth-conditional or not), and the mind of admitting it as poetical response.

[Isagel]

Thank you both.

blp - thank you. I am struggling with that last line.

I have given a change of rythm some thought, and tried to create something "arrythmic" - but I find it hard to do on purpose. It is like singing off key, it is hard to do on purpose unless you are really good at singing.

White camellia - thank you for summing up my poem, better than I ever could. I wanted to capture that moment, and something that goes beyond that event - how we rewrite reality, make it poetic - and the poetry more real than reality.

[andave_ya]

wow, that was really neat. Nice job. I'm not much of a poet but saw this on the homepage and clicked. Glad I did.