Log in

View Full Version : Memory Rains



kathycf
03-21-2007, 01:45 AM
Memory Rains


On that day
We stood by helplessly watching
fists clenched
as she breathed her last.

On that day
We clasped hands that were still warm
with an illusion of life, as tears flowed
like so many small streams.

On that day
The sun shone, birds sang and flowers bloomed
and yet
in my heart a blizzard raged and I shivered, alone
and lost.

Dorothy C.
March 21, 1935--June 4, 1992

Artist, teacher and beloved Mother.

blp
03-21-2007, 09:11 AM
Very simple and touching. Might benefit from further paring down, though. 'breathed her last' is a cliché and lets it down a bit. I also suggest 'and yet' isn't necessary and is cluttering things up a bit and that the last two lines could benefit from being simplified.