light anomie

[blp]

Anaemic girl with purple/black
cheeks. Back at her place I saw
her plants were etiolated

Light shone in through
the window and she dropped
the blind. The plants sighed

disappointedly, but I stayed for
back at my place there was
no light, no plant, only fleas

[white camellia]

Very touching image of the girl and her plant, feels like those blue figures in Picasso's works. The observation goes on well in the first two stanzas. But I would love to read further things about that girl.

[jon1jt]

i tend to think either you unknowingly hold back the most colorful aspects of the experience from which your work flows or you chuckle while you write the poem thinking how some of your readers will go on scratching their heads wondering if you left the rest of the poem on your night stand. :)

i have to agree with camellia, tell us more about the girl. lol!

[ktd222]

How sad I feel for the speaker and the girl, who seems almost lifeless, because the absence of light, which gives life, which also symbolizes their social instability, which can be felt in the dreary image of a girl, her plant, in her place…which is lacking that one important element that creates life…and that’s symbolized in the light. So instead of the “light” interjecting life in them, they live by feeding off each other, like fleas. That would be cool if you could create an effect where the “light” is not the thing that drains away their livelihood, but the fact that they are living off the livelihood of other’s. What is this called, irony? I first read it as “anemone girl”. :blush:

[blp]

Well, if you want the most colourful aspects of my own experience, jon, I'll (relatively) shamelessly direct you to the long Berlin poem. This one, however, isn't autobiographical, just a riff on etiolation in relation to anaemia. I did chuckle a bit writing it though, I admit it. And maybe there is a certain holding back. There's another old poem that's very personal and it definitely could have been longer.
But ktd, I don't know if I can go further with this because it is just fiction and a little game with repeating words and hiding rhymes. Still, I like what you say about living off the livelihood of others. That's almost always good subject matter. I like misreadings too.

[jon1jt]

Well, if you want the most colourful aspects of my own experience, jon, I'll (relatively) shamelessly direct you to the long Berlin poem. This one, however, isn't autobiographical, just a riff on etiolation in relation to anaemia. I did chuckle a bit writing it though, I admit it. And maybe there is a certain holding back. There's another old poem that's very personal and it definitely could have been longer.
But ktd, I don't know if I can go further with this because it is just fiction and a little game with repeating words and hiding rhymes. Still, I like what you say about living off the livelihood of others. That's almost always good subject matter. I like misreadings too.

hah! he admits to laughing at us! :lol: :lol:

okay, i'll head over to the Berlin poem.

[blp]

hah! he admits to laughing at us! :lol: :lol:


:flare: Untrue! Slander! I admitted that I 'chuckled a bit' - but just at the poem itself. ;)