Worst Sonnet Ever

[F.Emerald]

I vote for Griffin's 'Fidessa':

My lady’s hair is threads of beaten gold,
Her front the purest crystal eye hath seen,
Her eyes the brightest stars that heavens hold,
Her cheeks red roses such as seld have been;
Her pretty lips of red vermillion die,
Her hand of ivory the purest white,
Her blush Aurora or the morning sky,
Her breast displays two silver fountains bright
The spheres her voice, her grace the Graces three;
Her body is the saint that I adore;
Her smiles and favors sweet as honey be;
Her feet fair Thetis praiseth evermore.
But ah, the worst and last is yet behind,
For of a griffon she doth bear the mind!

Ugh, someone pass me the bucket! Are there possibly any worse than this?!

[Dorian Gray]

I vote for Griffin's 'Fidessa':
Her breast displays two silver fountains bright


:lol: :crash:

Classic.

[NoviceSeer]

Where did you find this piece? I almost died laughing.

[hyperinsomnia]

You obviously haven't read song of songs in the Bible, haha, pitty 'tis though that I apparently don't own a bible to quote from :(
If anyone knows what i'm talking about please share!

F.Emerald, may I also inappropriately express my jealousy of you! That being your location is London.

If all goes well I'll be living there by August.

Doubtful.

[Isagel]

I am sorry, I can´t find any worse than that."Her front the purest crystal eye hath seen". And I am not really sure what her breast are doing. Lactating? I am sorry it is KO in the first round. And I really tried my best to find something. But I have an bad sonnet for you. :-)

The Bad Sonnet

By Ronald Wallace

It stayed up late, refused to go to bed,
and when it did it sang loud songs instead
of sleeping, disturbing its siblings--couplets, quatrains
in their small rooms, began caterwauling--
and soon the whole neighborhood was awake.
Sometimes it got in trouble with the law,
shoplifting any little thing it saw
that caught its fancy: happiness and heartache


slipped neatly in its pocket. It joined a gang
that forged currency, bombed conventions, and finally
tried to bump off all its competition.
Through a sequence of events, luckily
it was caught, hand-cuffed, and taken off to jail
where it would not keep quiet in its cell.

[cuppajoe_9]

Her breast displays two silver fountains brightWay to class it up, Griffin. Reminds me of Spenser ("...her breast like bowle of creme uncrudded...").

[cuppajoe_9]

Talking of Spenser:


Comming to kisse her lyps (such grace I found)
Me seemd I smelt a gardin of sweet flowres
That dainty odours from them threw around,
For damzels fit to decke their lovers bowres.
Her lips did smell lyke unto Gillyflowers,
Her ruddy cheeks lyke unto Roses red;
Her snowy browes lyke budded Bellamoures,
Her lovely eyes like Pincks but newly spred,
Her goodly bosome lyke a Strawberry bed,
Her neck lyke to a bounch of Cullambynes;
Her brest lyke lilyes, ere theyr leaves be shed,
Her nipples lyke yong blossomd Jessemynes.
Such fragrant flowres doe give most odorous smell,
But her sweet odour did them all excell.It just keeps getting worse, don't it?

[JBI]

I don't know, John Donne wrote some pretty lousy, overly religious ones. Though, that one is pretty bad.

[aeroport]

Way to class it up, Griffin. Reminds me of Spenser ("...her breast like bowle of creme uncrudded...").

Isn't there a character named Fidessa in The Firste Booke of the Faerie Queen?

Are we just making fun of the "blazon" poetic style in general here, in which body parts are systematically compared to other, outrageously unrelated things?

[Redzeppelin]

You obviously haven't read song of songs in the Bible, haha, pitty 'tis though that I apparently don't own a bible to quote from :(
If anyone knows what i'm talking about please share!



The Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs) does not consist of sonnets, and is therefore not a candidate for this thread. Remember that the Bible was written to instruct more than to be "art." Secondly, ancient Hebrew poetry was constructed along slightly different lines than were sonnets (a product of the Italian renaissance - circa 14thC).

[comedyoferrors]

I don't know, John Donne wrote some pretty lousy, overly religious ones. Though, that one is pretty bad.

That was Donne's style - the religious nature of his sonnets generally indicated something sexual. Perhaps that is what you're getting at. I would say that is rather odd, but lousy is a tad harsh. Besides - he is known for his paradox so I would say that in proper context most of his work is considered great (Even if it is less known and not to the general public's taste). Not trying to stir anything up, but I felt compelled to share.

[cuppajoe_9]

You obviously haven't read song of songs in the Bible, haha, pitty 'tis though that I apparently don't own a bible to quote from :(
If anyone knows what i'm talking about please share!...you don't mean psalms, do you?

[hyperinsomnia]

The Song of Solomon (or Song of Songs) does not consist of sonnets, and is therefore not a candidate for this thread. Remember that the Bible was written to instruct more than to be "art." Secondly, ancient Hebrew poetry was constructed along slightly different lines than were sonnets (a product of the Italian renaissance - circa 14thC).

Lighten up!

I was referring to song of songs..
Eg. "How beautiful you are, my love!
How your eyes shine with love behind your veil.
Your hair dances like a flock of goats down the hills of Gilead.
Your teeth are as white as sheep
That have just been shorn and washed.
Not one of them is missing:
They are all perfectly matched....

...Your neck is like the tower of David,
Round and smooth...

...Your breasts are like gazelles,
twin deer feeding amoung lilies."

[kandaurov]

Song of Songs is a pain... I had to study it for a test... ugh

(and is very graphical too, I wonder how it made it to the Good Book :p)

[Redzeppelin]

Lighten up!

If you insist. (But the text you've listed still isn't a sonnet!)


I was referring to song of songs..
Eg. "How beautiful you are, my love!
How your eyes shine with love behind your veil.
Your hair dances like a flock of goats down the hills of Gilead.
Your teeth are as white as sheep
That have just been shorn and washed.
Not one of them is missing:
They are all perfectly matched....

...Your neck is like the tower of David,
Round and smooth...

...Your breasts are like gazelles,
twin deer feeding amoung lilies."

Perhaps these images are hackneyed - but is there a chance that they are idioms that were appropriate to Hebrew poetry?

[mcilroga]

Here's a goody:


Their women are white streams of perfect flesh,
The men akin to dirt upon the ground,
Destined to be inprisoned with wired mesh--
Souls afire, minds both lost and found.

Yet in the twinkling of a pauper's eye,
Which glisters like a rare and febrile gem
Plucked from the fevered winter of July
With morbid snapping of the fragile stem,

The will of mind o'er limbs has been denied
As once-quiescent muscles stage revolt;
I really crave my potatoes deep-fried.
Arise! Arise! Fellow tuber-lovers jolt

Potato, yam, and noble arrowroot,
A squeak, a yelp, and then a healthy hoot!

[dramasnot6]

I am rather disturbed at the imagery of most of these sonnets. In these attempts to put women on a pedastool the sonnets just achieve dehumanizing them.