Hi :) I'm working on my 1st book

[jjlynn322]

The rough draft for my first book is done. What do you link so far?

Here is a little taste from Chapter 9:

I had a harder time starting back on dialysis. First the sent me to North Side Hospital in Warren, Ohio. They were less than competent. They technicians would stick me with the 17 gage needles 2 to three times and not be able to access my site. They would call the Dr. to do it or sometimes just keep sticking me until they got it. I was throwing up every treatment. The technicians there wouldn’t let my mom stay with me while I got the treatments. One of them even said I was being a baby.

I told my mom I would rather die than go back there. She complained and they treated her like she was stupid because this was what dialysis was like for people. At least the people at that unit I guess. My mom talked to my local Dr. and my Dr. in Cleveland and had me moved to a Sheron, Pa Dialysis Center.

They Sheron Center was much better. My mom could come in during my treatment. And they didn’t have nearly the same amount of trouble sticking the needles in my fistula. There were a few people that were better than others, but those were the people they had sticking me 90% of the time.

[Adolescent09]

I can safely presume, from what I read in this excerpt, that you are not American and English isn't your first language. That being said, its pretty decent but needs a lot of brushing up, in my opinion...

[shadowy girl]

I hope all good for you and your book, maybe I'll read it some day!

[Matt the Man]

I'd never read it, to whiny.

[Bakiryu]

I would read it, except for all the parts about needles *shudders*

[kandaurov]

I like the substance, work on the style :)

[Countess]

I'll read anything if it's written well. Keep your content if you want; work on style (especially grammar.)

If English isn't your first language or you're not proficient in it, find a translator, a English-speaking friend to translate or have your native friends read over it.

[Adolescent09]

Actually if you are trying to make a profit off your work I'd suggest you make the style has stupidly simple as possible; so that any third grader with a brain and moderately functioning sensory neurons could understand every word. Look at authors like John Grisham who are pulling in hundreds of millions of dollars, spewing out choppily written tomes which sell on a global scale like Calcutta market bread, and gladly do it over and over like a generic coffee maker.

Appeal to the PEOPLE if you want to...um... let me originally say this..."get that paper". I hope you fathom my drift and good luck :P