There is manna at my feet . . .

[GimmyDiamond]

I posted this poem once before (I deleted it or had it removed-can't remember which- bad because the wonderful responses to it are gone :() but anyways . . . here it is again . . .

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There is manna at my feet
There is manna on the ground
I walk over it
I walk around
I try to look away
For every step I take away
A mile in front unfolds
Flooded, filled with manna
I cannot run from this God
This God who brings me to desert wastelands
You bring me here to die
So let me die
What salvation is this?
In this lonely desolation, all I see is raining manna
All I see are reminders of how you once again have forsaken me
Paths of righteousness, what path but that of thorns
What path before me but that of rock and sand
You have utterly abandoned me
And how you taunt me with manna
Am I to trust you?
No, how could I trust someone who would take away my splendor
Who would dare to call it nothing, who would call my joy sin
And instead leave me in a violent aching wilderness
Oh God I curse you even as I ask you to restore me
But all I see is manna
I am sick with the sight of manna
You said you would finish the work you began in me
What hope is there for me?
What can be honed when it cannot be found?
I believed you, in you . . . I’m still waiting, waiting in this cruel, loathsome place
For you to find me and perfect me
But still you leave me with nothing
There is nothing in my hands
Nothing on me feet
And the smell of manna is growing as it piles upon the ground
It is to my ankles now
Do you not care oh Lord that I am dying?
Do you not care?
Oh God, you cursed God, you leave me here to rot
I will rot and die
And still the smell of manna will haunt me
A God who leads His people to die in the desert
What is that God?
And still the manna comes

[wyzguy]

A comment about your theme: The complaint is that God has forsaken you, deserted you, abandoned you and yet all around you is the manna of his provision. I like the irony very much. But the account in the Bible says that the manna didn't spoil unless people gathered too much, something the person in this poem seems unlikely to do.

Some of the repeated words and phrases get cumbersome, IMO. Line 5 and 6 both end with "away" but it's not necessary, I think.

As much as I like the theme, I don't hear the poem. I realize that I'm quite old school about rhyme and meter, so take that into consideration. But for these old school ears and sensibilities, it feels like prose rather than poetry. I would love to see this reworked. There is so much here that I've not seen used this way before.

[dramasnot6]

it seems to be more of a prose piece than a poem. like a philosophical rant , you may want work on your poetic conventions.

[GimmyDiamond]

Hey guys . . . sorry it's taken me forever to respond . . . had to be away for awhile . . . anyways . . .
wyzguy . . . I tried, several times, to put this into some sort of structure . . . you know 'rhyme and meter' and all that jazz . . . well, I couldn't and I think it's because, for me, this, all of this doesn't fit into any sort of structure . . . it's really like a journey, sometimes repetitive, sometimes blind, sometimes hopeful, sometimes hating . . . this 'theme' was taking it's own time, and making it's own way and I just felt compelled to write it down . . . doesn't mean you don't have me dead to rights and that it couldn't be prose . . . you probably are right, but I just wanted to let you know I did try what you suggested so you could 'hear' the poem, but it didn't work, and I wanted to let you know why. So, thank you very, very much for responding and taking the time to at least try to 'hear' it. (By the way, gotta love Bogart!!!)
dramas . . . that's not what you wrote about it when I posted it before :D but thanks for reading (again!).