any suggestions would be great!

[num1speedoman]

cant think of a title yet

Blue-eyed stranger
why do you capture me slowly
you entice me with your fire
then burn me with desire

Oceans of Blue
crazy over you
I’m swimming slowly
to sink and swim
over and over again

Laughter why we’re flying
with you I’m not alone
a bombshell that strikes
what a nice surprise

Blue eyed stranger
why do you do this to me
one minute you’re with me
and the next I’m just an empty seat

Icy blue
I see you
you cold-hearted *****
...but seriously
WHY?!?

[wyzguy]

cant think of a title yet

Blue-eyed stranger
why do you capture me slowly
you entice me with your fire
then burn me with desire inconsistent use of rhyme looks like you don't care enough to be consistent

Oceans of Blue
crazy over you
I’m swimming slowly
to sink and swim
over and over again

Laughter why we’re flying Do you mean while we're flying? If not, what does this mean?
with you I’m not alone
a bombshell that strikes
what a nice surprise

Blue eyed stranger
why do you do this to me
one minute you’re with me
and the next I’m just an empty seat

Icy blue
I see you
you cold-hearted *****
...but seriously
WHY?!?

Just a few thoughts

[Dreadnought]

Just a few thoughts

Perhaps, with regards to your second red-annotated note in his poesy, he truly did mean to use the word "why"; Laughter is why they're flying. The omittance of a verb such as "is" could have been employed in order to keep the structure consistent and relevant.

[Pendragon]

cant think of a title yet

Blue-eyed stranger
why do you capture me slowly
you entice me with your fire
then burn me with desire

Oceans of Blue
crazy over you
I’m swimming slowly
to sink and swim
over and over again

Laughter why we’re flying
with you I’m not alone
a bombshell that strikes
what a nice surprise

Blue eyed stranger
why do you do this to me
one minute you’re with me
and the next I’m just an empty seat

Icy blue
I see you
you cold-hearted *****Totally over-used phrase!
...but seriously
WHY?!?

I agree on the rhyme. Use it consistently, or do not use rhyme at all. I put a note in about an over-used phrase. Not only is it over-used, but common gutter language. Couldn't you find a poetic way to say something similar? Like say

"Frigid femme fatal,
just chewing up my heart".

[brokenheartpoet]

I think the poem is good, writng poetry is not easiest thing , just keep on working