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GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 10:53 PM
Do not be alarmed!!! These poems are not pleas for help!!!

I’ve been writing these poems since I did a research project on teen suicide . . . I couldn’t believe it when I read things like It’s the second leading cause of death in youth aged 10-24 in Canada and the third leading cause in the States, claiming almost 2000 teens. It never really occurred to me to think about this problem, that it even was a problem but you can’t deny that suicide rates tripling in the last half century among people aged 15-24, is a problem, a serious and heartbreaking problem. For every completed youth suicide, there are nearly 400 attempts. If that's not a reason for everyone to do what they can to help, I don't know what is.

While suicide is not something to be glorified, and I am not attempting to do so with these poems, it is imperative that people talk about it. Being able to talk about feelings of suicide could mean the difference between life and death for some. We need to dispel the myth that talking about suicide promotes it. These poems were I guess more of a voice for the now voiceless and if it can make someone who is thinking of killing themselves see they aren’t alone in how they feel, that someone else has been where they are and that someone can and is waiting to understand is why I write them.

IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH FEELINGS OF SUICIDE OR HURTING YOURSELF IT IS IMPORTANT YOU GET HELP NOW!!!! CALL 911, CALL A FRIEND, CALL YOUR PASTOR, CALL A FAMILY MEMEBER, CALL A HOTLINE, TALK TO SOMEONE!!!!!
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My suicide note
Quickly written
Brutally honest
Six pages long

In agonizing detail I described
My torment
I laid blame where blame was due,
Even where it was not.

I touched upon my broken heart,
My quickly fleeting hope for myself,
I skipped no lines, nor backsides of pages,
I wrote in the margins, my words ran round
The hole punches

By the time I’d finished rereading,
Making sure the truth was known, my eyes had dried
The page edges bumpy and the words smeared
From my sweaty palms

I ripped it up, burnt it
Then flushed it down the toilet,
I broke the pen
The ink stained my hand and carpet.

My carpet, brand new . . .
I smudged the ink as much
As possible, pushed it to the floor
I killed it.

I left the room, ignored the
Pictures of the ‘perfect’ family,
All smiling the same lie
Blocked out the sound of my dog

As I shoot down the slick road
I feel my pulse competing with the car
My blood bubbles and boils, tickles my skin
I smile

My suicide note that was never seen,
Never known, my suicide note
Never guessed in the wreckage of
My brand new car.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 10:54 PM
I don’t care if you leave
When you’re done
I don’t care if you’re just
Using me

Just save me I’m
Falling
Save me I’m hurt
Someone save me from
Myself

I don’t care if you
Leave in the middle
And give someone else
Your job

This road I’m on
Is self-destructive
Each step another
Cut

I’m choking on each
Breath I take
I just can’t save
Myself
Someone save me now

Each salty tear,
Each stinging lie,
All hurt but make me feel
Save me before I die

You took too long
My blood is running
My heart long ripped in shreds
You took too long
I killed myself
It’s nothing that I’m dead.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 10:58 PM
My suicide note
My words, all 110 of them slid down
my throat
They're quick dissolve and tasteless,
just like me.

Just like me, so plain and boring
Uniform
So grey and on the line.
So in the middle, so last week,
so quick dissolve with time.

I took twice as many,
I looked in the mirror
I watched
I counted, 2...4...6...8

When there were no more
words to eat
I simply watched myself.

My suicide note was just like me
predictable, stoppable, so ununique
so without colour, so without any
poem.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 10:59 PM
I want to jump out the window
Smash through the glass
**** the consequences

This need to escape
It’s warped me
Turned my sanity against me

Filled with demons
I’m claustrophobic
Trapped within my heart

I want my heart to die
No more beating, endless torture
I’m already dead, why not?

I see the lights of heaven unfold, twofold
I’ve no need to trek so far
They come to me rushing, crushing
Me beneath the car.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 11:08 PM
My suicide note
was colourful
It splashed upon the walls and floor
I made a mess and was set free
My suicide note was not like me

"I regret having you!"
"You're selfish!"
"You're stupid!"
"You're fat and ugly!"
"You're nothing!"
"Don't speak to me!"
"Get out of my sight!"
"Shut-up!"
"You whore!"
"Get away from me!"

All this I was told
What did I become?
I am contained.
I am dead.
I am alone.
I am unloved.
I am no one.
But now . . .
Now I am the painter, I am
alive, exhilarated.

My paint flows from my wrists.

I am vibrant, untamed, happy, set free . . .
I've BECOME . . .

My suicide note was not like me.
Not restrained, hiding and hurt in the corner . . .
but two words, "Utterly Free" written in my very life.
My suicide note, that can't be overlooked or diminished.


__________________________________________________ __

SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. IT'S A VERY PERMANENT END TO A USUALLY TEMPORARY PROBLEM. THERE IS HELP!!!!!

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 11:12 PM
When you're sad
I truly see your soul
That is who you are
When you cry
I really hear your voice
Clearer than before

But when you sob in private misery
And screw the cap on tight
I try to break you out of there
And pry with all my might

I try to break the mirror you obsess
With every day
And keep you in your proper mind
Hoping that you'll stay

But in closing I must sadly say
I'm failing miserably
I'm losing all the battles
In this war I wage with me

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 11:14 PM
If the world doesn't want you,

Where do you go???


__________________________________________________ _______

TALK TO SOMEONE AND LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. BOTTLING YOUR FEELINGS ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE. TALK TO SOMEONE AND LET IT OUT. YOU AREN'T ALONE.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 11:24 PM
My suicide note

5 . . . 3 . . . 8 . . . 224 . . . and 12 to erase 17

No doubt random to you but let me explain

I am random, that random little accident, I'm often reminded

So I'm only righting a wrong -they won't miss me anyways

5 the times I've tried to kill myself before

3 the number of days I've been missing, well gone

8 the floor my hotel suite was on

224 steps from the lobby to the roof

12 the estimated number of seconds it took me to fall

How quickly those 12 seconds swallowed whole my 17 years

And I will be broken down into those numbers
No one caring what I was beyond that
No one caring . . . No one caring
My suicide note, my eyes . . . and even now as you look at my haunted vacant eyes,
even now they are unbearable to you

__________________________________________________ _

DON'T BE ASHAMED OR AFRAID TO TELL SOMEONE YOU ARE SUICIDAL. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CAN TRIGGER DEPRESSION/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, INCLUDING CHEMICAL/GENETIC FACTORS, ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP IF YOU ARE FEELING OVERWHELMED AND LIKE YOU CAN'T HANDLE WHAT'S GOING ON.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 11:41 PM
I'm sorry
But your notion of HELP
Is f***ed up!
Beyond my comprehension,
Beyond my give-a-care!

I do not want your
sympathy!
Your in-a-nutshell
crap
Your simplicity is all
screwed up.
It's more complicated
than that.

You can't touch my
level of insanity
Begin to reach
me there.
You cannot know how
cluttered I am
As cluttered as I'm
bare.

You can't begin to
know my pain
To see how inadequate
I feel
To fill all this empty
emotionless space,
I'd beg, borrow,
most of all steal.

How much I would
like to slip and fall
The taste is so
bittersweet
In my salt & vinegar heart
I do swear
To you, Death
I won't try to cheat.

My notion of Help
is quite simple you see
What I require so small
Here I am now
Just a push or a nudge
Is all that I need to fall.

____________________________________________

WHEN TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO IS SUICIDAL, THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS LISTEN TO THEM!!! PART OF THE PROBLEM IS FEELING LIKE NO ONE CARES, SO IF YOU SPEND MORE TIME LISTENING TO YOURSELF TALK, IT WILL MAKE THE PROBLEM WORSE. ALSO, DON'T TRY TO OVERSIMPLIFY OR MINIMIZE THEIR PROBLEMS, THEY THINK DYING WOULD BE BETTER, THERE ARE NO SIMPLE ANSWERS OR WAYS TO DEAL WITH THAT. AND NEVER TELL SOMEONE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE FEELING/WHERE THEY ARE AT UNLESS YOU HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN THERE. FEELING LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THEM IS ANOTHER PART OF THE PROBLEM SO YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD LINE, IS THE WORST LINE YOU COULD GIVE IN ACTUALITY.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 11:49 PM
My suicide note was a bathrobe belt.
Handmade. I hated it. Just like his. The other me.

We are dressed up the same.
Treated the same.
Spoiled and beaten the same.
To them, we are the same.

But they never see me.
They never know me.
They never speak to me.

Just like a copy.
Just like a second.
Just like half of a pair.

We both have the same robe.
Dark blue, ridiculously long belts.
A Christmas gift.
No names either, we might get jealous.

But now they'll see.
Now they'll know.
Now they'll listen to me.

I'll be different.
They can't stop me.
I'll stand out on my own.

My suicide note was very special.
In the middle of our identical rooms,
Wearing our identical robes,
I will be the set apart, finally able to be just one.

My suicide note became me.

GimmyDiamond
02-22-2007, 11:54 PM
Go ahead and hit me
I won't be here tomorrow
Pull my hair and break my heart
I'm gone

Your words won't ring in my ears
Or sting my eyes
I'm going 'home'
Good-bye

Yell until I cry, until I'm yelling too
Make me try to run
And laugh at my hurt and pain

Blow my mind with hate-filled word
Obvious lies, but sad when from your lips

I won't be back
I'm leaving you
Whatever . . .
It's not like you'll cry

______________________________________________

SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!! GET HELP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! GET HELP NOW!!!!