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GimmyDiamond
02-03-2007, 09:12 PM
Sun washed treasures
Basking innocently

In hands of sweet sincerity
Offered . . . simply offered

A dream to share, a hope to give

Dimpled cheeks, curving lips
Reveal the nectar smile

And eager eyes that drink you in
As you peer at this simple gift

Looking once, looking twice
Reaching in to touch

And each caress, each tenderness
Each poem there is inside

From dream to hope to life

But . . . your fascination soon subsides
Sandcastle worlds collapse

You turn away
No more to look, touch or give or share

And with treasures scattered
I once more gather
All that meant nothing to you

Then journey to
Another ‘you’
I hope to never find

For like beach time treasure
Its value no measure
Simply, just not enough

So I’ll endlessly cling to
Treasures to bring to
The love I will never find


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Honest opinions . . . I can handle brutal honesty even :D

GimmyDiamond
02-03-2007, 09:44 PM
Bury me under a blanket of snow
Hide me from sunlight and moonlights bright glow
Silence the cars and the trucks as they go
Madly through streets in a haphazard flow
And cover me nicely from head to toe
Or those who pass by me may wish to know
If there’s something of worth hidden below
Taken from under my blanket of snow
Naked to sunlight and moonlights bright glow
Back to the cars and the trucks as they go
Madly through streets in a haphazard flow
Mourning from head to the tip of my toe
The look on your face so often I know
“There was nothing of worth hidden below”


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Well, it was snowing the other night, I was feeling . . . um, anyways . . . don't ask me why I decided to try and have every single line rhyme . . . that's what I get for writing when I should be sleeping :D Anyways . . . it doesn't really 'move' from the first line to the last, so if you want a boring, monotonous poem, this is it :D

dyingflame
02-04-2007, 11:52 AM
how can it flow when it seems that its very purpose is to defy movement? :)

GimmyDiamond
02-04-2007, 09:10 PM
Hmmm, well, I don't think it's purpose was to defy movement . . . granted the "I" in the poem wouldn't be moving, but 'sunlight' and 'moonlight' or in other words, day and night, so time keeps moving, and it says to 'silence' the cars and trucks, but not to stop them, as well as 'cover me nicely . . . or those who pass by me' very much states that things keep moving . . . and it's not even that "I" doesn't WANT to be a part of it, but that "I" already doesn't FEEL a part of it. I meant the story (and I apply that term loosely) doesn't really move . . . progress . . . what have you :) Anyways . . . I'm rambling . . . thanks for reading and commenting :D